FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 1 PART 1

BY ADAM GREENE

In picking the Houston Texans to lose but keep the Kansas City Chiefs from covering Thursday night, I tried to factor in the weirdest offseason in NFL history. There were no OTAs, no rookie camps, no minicamps and no preseason games so it seemed fair to me that both teams would be rusty and while the Chiefs were the superior team, they’d win a sloppy, ugly game. I was only half right.

Because Bill O’Brien is going to Bill O’Brien and, for Houston’s sake as a franchise, let’s hope he does it all season. The Texans were not outclassed on the field, but on the sideline as Kansas City head coach Andy Reid put on a clinic not only on how to call an offensive game during a global pandemic, but to do it blind, as he spent the entire game behind a fogged up face shield. Which was no problem, as he has to deal with the same issues when he presses his face against the display case at the local Krispy Kreme trying to pick out his fourth cruller. Kansas City won 34-20. It’s no coincidence that they’ve attracted the most bets to win the Super Bowl of any team (14.96% of bets), according to BetOnline’s oddsmakers.

Before we get into Week One, it’s important to talk about last season; specifically how incredible I was at picking games. I finished 176-90-1 overall and 150-117 against the spread, picking every game every week and. It was an outstanding season across the board and I did it while making jokes at the same time. So, for me, there’s nowhere to go but down.

This year I’m doing individual previews for the prime time games, but your Sunday daytime slugfests are picked here in The FAQ. Shall we begin?

SUNDAY

MIAMI DOLPHINS AT NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-6.5, O/U: 42)

Brian Flores took all the interest out of this game the second he named Ryan Fitzpatrick the Dolphins’ starter. The only mystery now is the kind of hat Cam Newton will wear to the victory podium and if it’s not a Revolutionary War-era tri-corner covered in Kakapo feathers, I, for one, will be very disappointed. Patriots 31, Dolphins 17

CLEVELAND BROWNS AT BALTIMORE RAVENS (-7, O/U: 48)

Last year the Browns were one of only two teams to hang an “L” on the Ravens during the regular season and it wasn’t even close. Cleveland won 40-25, with Baker Mayfield tossing for 342 yards and a touchdown. For Baltimore, you could call this a “revenge game,” but I’m not sure they even remember it happened. Maybe it’ll be more of a “peeved game” or a “hey now, let’s cut that nonsense out” game. Of note, the Ravens have attracted the third-most Super Bowl bets of any team (10.62% of all bets). Ravens 27, Browns 17

NEW YORK JETS AT BUFFALO BILLS (-6.5, O/U: 39.5)

This is why you own a service like NFL Sunday Ticket. So you can switch off this game after the second quarter if you live in New York State. Bills 24, Jets 13

LAS VEGAS RAIDERS AT CAROLINA PANTHERS (+3, O/U: 47.5)

This game is the early nominee for the “Oh, I guess that’s still happening” every time it shows up on NFL Red Zone. Raiders 20, Panthers 16

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AT ATLANTA FALCONS (+2.5, O/U: 49)

Here’s where everyone’s day immediately goes off the rails. The Seahawks are a good team, a likely playoff team. But the Falcons should be too and they’re playing at home. This, to me, looks like one of those “shocker” Week One contests that everyone is talking about Monday morning like it came out of nowhere. It isn’t. Seattle doesn’t have a defensive back that can cover Julio Jones and Calvin Ridley and no pass rush to speak of. Jaws will drop when this score rolls across the bottom of the screen. Falcons 41, Seahawks 23

To be continued in Part 2

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