CRAZY NFL PARLAY: WEEK ONE

BY ADAM GREENE

If you’re new to the crazy parlay, it’s not that difficult to break down. There’s an old cliché when it comes to the NFL, “Any team can win on any given Sunday” and it’s entirely true. It’s why a team like the New York Giants, who have an 0-16 roster and will be the underdog in every single game this season, will win at least one game. Maybe even three. It’s why a team like the Kansas City Chiefs will inevitably blow some crazy game against the Los Angeles Chargers or Las Vegas Raiders.

At the end of the season, those losses (and wins) don’t really matter. But for your wallet they can matter quite a bit.

Each week I scour the odds, the moneylines, to put together a realistic, yet dream scenario for a parlay bet. We call it the “Crazy Parlay,” but the actual point in grouping these games is that they could happen. We’re buying a lottery ticket here, but we’re using real strategy to do it.

The intriguing teams and moneylines are…

Cleveland Browns +275

Carolina Panthers +120

Chicago Bears +110

Green Bay Packers +120

Cincinnati Bengals +130

Arizona Cardinals +250

Tampa Bay Buccaneers +155

Los Angeles Rams +115

If you’ve already taken a look at my Friday Afternoon Quarterback and Sunday Night Football Picks, you know that I’ve picked the Bears to beat the Detroit Lions, the Bengals to upset the Los Angeles Chargers, the Cardinals to do the same to the San Francisco 49ers and for the Rams to ruin Mike McCarthy’s Dallas Cowboys debut at SoFi.

If those all hit, it would be a solid payout. But we’re going for more. We’ve got kids starting college and even though they’re taking class over Zoom in between dodging COVID-19 and Chlamydia infections at frat parties, they need a new car and if we hit this parlay, we can park a brand new 2020 Jeep Renegade in front of their dorm for them to spend the next three months vomiting into.

While I didn’t pick the Bucs to beat the New Orleans Saints, no one would be surprised if it happened. Same for the Pack coming out of Minnesota with a victory over the Vikings. Neither game would result in so much as a cracked nacho or spilt beer.

But what we need for this one to pay off is the Cards and Browns to show up and do what they did last year, just a little bit better.

I’m a firm believer in the Super Bowl hangover, especially when the team with said hangover blew a double-digit lead in the fourth quarter. The Cardinals played the 49ers close in both their games last year and add DeAndre Thomas to the mix. I feel good about that pick.

Here’s where I wince, click and pray. To make the math work so that you can buy your kid a 4×4 they’ll never put into four-wheel drive and bounce off every parking meter in the city, the Browns have to beat the Baltimore Ravens at home. On the outside, that seems impossible.

Only last year, it happened in their first match up of the season and it wasn’t even close. Cleveland won 40-25 and their roster and coaching is even better this year. Do I think the Browns are ready to make a real leap? I’ll have to see it to believe it. But to think this is a guaranteed cakewalk for the Ravens is a mistake.

A $15 winning bet on all those moneylines pays you $25,217.59. Not only can you buy the Jeep, you can get your kid the bonus full coverage insurance. Trust me. You’ll need it.

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