NFL POWER RANKINGS: WEEK 6

BY ADAM GREENE

We’ve reached the grading period, where 4.0s turn into 4-1 records and an F not only gets your head coach fired, but his very name expunged from existence. The NFL Power Rankings are the only way we can dish out these accolades and punishments, which is exactly why we all take something so unserious this seriously.

It’s an off week in that our Top Six all remained locked in place and even the teams in the Top 10 that took losses couldn’t fall too far since most of the teams right behind them were handed ‘Ls” as well.

As for the bottom of the rankings, three teams remain locked in a pitched battle for the worst franchise in the league and a couple of them are regulars there, with years of experience in their favor as they battle for the No. 1 overall draft pick come April 2021.

It was a wacky weekend all told, with missed kicks and extra points in nearly every game as kickers did everything they could to save unders and keep teams from covering. Records were set for all the wrong reasons and, while we still have one undefeated team left, it’s only right to note we have two 0-5 franchises vying to be the NFL’s first 0-17 team in its history.

1. ARIZONA CARDINALS (5-0)

The Cardinals hung on in a defensive struggle against the 49ers Sunday, helped in large part by San Fran starting a rookie QB. There’s no reason to quibble. Arizona has played a real NFL schedule and remains perfect, therefore will own the top spot until someone knocks them from it. Last week: No. 1

2. BUFFALO BILLS (4-1)

The Bills spent their offseason trying to catch up with the Kansas City Chiefs. Meanwhile, the Chiefs apparently spent that same time frame trying to not only let that happen, but give every other AFC a shot while they were at it. Last week: No. 2

3. LOS ANGELES RAMS (4-1)

The Rams survived the injured finger bowl with the Seahawks, but it was troubling how easy Geno Smith was able to drive the ball down the field once he came in as relief for an injured Russell Wilson. Raheem Morris had a good gameplan against Wilson, then tossed it out the door to blitz an eight-year vet like he was a rookie making his first start. It didn’t cost LA, but it could have. Last week: No. 3

4. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (4-1)

Tom Brady continues to put up some of the best numbers of his life to the point where no one, anywhere, even mentions his eventual retirement. Tampa’s defense remains an issue, but when Brady tosses five touchdowns in a game, it covers up a lot of problems. Last week: No. 4

5. GREEN BAY PACKERS (4-1)

Kickers had a crazy weekend, missing 13 extra points to set a new NFL record. The Pack was nearly taken out by their own weird kicking day from Mason Crosby, but when he got a second chance in overtime, he delivered. Last week: No. 5

6. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (4-1)

The Chargers have played pretty much a playoff schedule to open the season and the only team they’ve lost to is from the NFC. That should spell trouble for everyone in their conference. Last week: No. 6

7. BALTIMORE RAVENS (4-1)

I’ve spent the last couple of years dogging Ravens offensive coordinator Greg Roman and I won’t pretend for a minute that he’s listening. But what he has done, over the last two weeks, is call actual NFL level plays for Lamar Jackson, protected his QB, and got his team in the Super Bowl hunt and Jackson in line for his second NFL MVP trophy. Last week: No. 11

8. DALLAS COWBOYS (4-1)

The Cowboys are in firm control of the NFC East and look in every way like a playoff team until you notice that Mike McCarthy is prowling the sidelines holding a Waffle House menu. Last week: No. 12

9. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (2-3)

Trey Lance played well in his first start, too well, in fact, since like every other 49ers starter in recent years, he finished the game hurt. Last week: No. 8

10. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (2-3)

If you need Patrick Mahomes to play out of his mind to win every week, that’s a recipe to miss the playoffs entirely, I thought the Chiefs would be immune to the Super Bowl hangover, but this is looking a lot like me the morning after eight shots of Jim Beam Red Stag. Last week: No. 9

11. CLEVELAND BROWNS (3-2)

With 1:31 left on the clock, Baker Mayfield had another chance to deliver a career defining come from behind victory and never got his team across the 50 yard line. Last week: No. 10

12. CINCINNATI BENGALS (3-2)

Joe Burrow nearly got himself knocked out of the game against the Packers on a scramble, then had to be evaluated later with a throat bruise. Aaron Rodgers told him afterwards to slide and protect himself better. He needs to listen. Cincinnati is on the cusp of being next year’s Chargers, but an injured Burrow tosses all those into the outhouse hole. Last week: No. 17

13. TENNESSEE TITANS (3-2)

After a horrid loss to the New York Jets, the Titans decided to go ahead and get right against the Urban Meyer led Jacksonville Jaguars. Tennessee is the best team in a garbage AFC South, but can’t afford any letdowns in a division that could be taken with nine wins. Last week: No. 15

14. CHICAGO BEARS (3-2)

Justin Fields didn’t light the world on fire picking up his second straight win of his career, but he did get the distinction of being the last QB to defeat Jon Gurden as a head football coach at any level. Last week: No. 19

15. DENVER BRONCOS (3-2)

After a 3-0 start, the Broncos have dropped two straight. Luckily for them, the Wild Card race in the AFC just opened up as the Las Vegas Raiders were forced to fold their season before Halloween thanks to visit from the Gruden Reaper. Last week: No. 14

16. CAROLINA PANTHERS (3-2)

Five interceptions over the last two weeks, a 56 completion percentage last Sunday and a 44.5 QB rating… There’s the Sam Darnold we all know. Last week: No. 16

17. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (3-2)

Jameis Winston is always good for multiple wacky stat lines in a season, but completing exactly 50 percent of his passes for 270 yards and four touchdowns in a win over the WFT might be a new one even for him. Last week: No. 20

18. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (2-3)

It’s Geno Smith’s show in Seattle now and he looked OK late in the game against the Rams. Smith’s problem was that he couldn’t do it week to week in his career. If that remains the case over the next month as Wilson mends, Seattle will be watching the playoffs at home. Last week: No. 13

19. WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM (2-3)

It’s been a weird week for the Washington Football Team. An investigation into their own internal misconduct ended up getting Jon Gruden, head coach of the Raiders, fired while no one currently in WFT’s building took so much as a glancing blow. Maybe by the time they pick a name, they’ll get the chance to pick a new owner too. No. 18

20. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS (3-2)

Not only did Jon Gruden get fired by the Raiders for being a giant scumbag, but he got his name removed from Tampa Bay’s Ring of Honor. Somewhere, Frank Caliendo is putting away his Gruden scowl and visor for good and soon it will be like NFL Chuckey never existed at all. We’re good with that. Last week: No. 7

21. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (2-3)

2-3 might not be great, but it’s certainly better than 1-4. There’s a long season to go, but they got the gift of Geno Smith visiting Heinz Field in his first start since 2017. A .500 record awaits! Last week: No. 21

22. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (2-3)

It’s official. No team starting a winless rookie quarterback wants to see the New England Patriots on the schedule this season with the Super Genius Bill Belichick at the helm. The bad news for the Pats and Bill is, Dak Prescott is no rookie and he’s a potential MVP. Maybe Bill should have kept Cam Newton’s number handy. Last week: No. 23

23. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (2-3)

The Eagles remain a conundrum to me, but the fact that they’re better than a Panthers squad without Christian McCaffrey shouldn’t be a mystery to anyone. Last week: No. 24

24. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (2-3)

You know, Mike Zimmer was my favorite to be the first head coach fired and, frankly, it still tracks that he’s going to be shot out the airlock at some point this season (or its end). But, man, did Jon Gruden kill a lot of futures bets over the weekend. Last week: No. 28

25. ATLANTA FALCONS (2-3)

Maybe the Falcons should just play all their games in London? Last week: No. 29

26. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (1-4)

Carson Wentz is a warrior. A warrior that’s probably going to get taken out for a couple of weeks by a preventable viral infection at some point this season, but a warrior nonetheless. But it’s not all on the defense when you lead a team by 19 at any point in the game and can’t close it out. Last week: No. 25

27. MIAMI DOLPHINS (1-4)

Jacoby Brissett should have no more complaints about his inability to keep a starting NFL job after the last couple of weeks. It doesn’t mean he’s bad. In fact, he’s probably a Top Five back up in the league, but he’s not a starter. Tua Tagovailoa is returning from IR this week to get the chance to prove he is, otherwise Miami will slide back into Houston’s DMs asking about Deshaun Watson. Last week: No. 22

28. NEW YORK JETS (1-4)

How are we selling NFL football overseas by sending the Jets and Falcons to do it? I’d like to make a corresponding joke about sending their crappy soccer teams over here, but I don’t even know what the fake team on Ted Lasso is called. Last week: No. 24

29. NEW YORK GIANTS (1-4)

Daniel Jones is reportedly “on track” to return Sunday when the team hosts the Rams. They better hope so, as he’s been their entire offense all season and that was before Saquon Barkley turned his ankle an ostrich egg last week. Last week: No. 27

30. HOUSTON TEXANS (1-4)

Who would have thought, five weeks into the season, that the Texans would not only NOT be the worst team in the league, but be nowhere near the most dysfunctional? Life comes at you fast. Last week: No. 31

31. DETROIT LIONS (0-5)

It’s official, Jared Goff is now 0-13 as a starting quarterback in the NFL without Sean McVay. And while these last second field goal losses aren’t all on him, that number is speaking volumes when it comes to the trade with the Rams and what the Lions will actually get in return. Last week: No. 30

32. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (0-5)

While the public heat turned down on Urban Meyer thanks to Jon Gruden revealing his true lizard face via email over the weekend, the clock is still ticking on his tenure with the Jags. The real victims here, as always, are the bettors who lost a +5000 Meyer wager as the first head coach fired thanks to Gruden using Bruce Allen’s email inbox like your racist uncle’s Facebook wall. Last week: No. 32

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