It’s time for our weekly report cards on the NFL, where I arbitrarily rank the teams based on their records, recent performances and sometimes just on how I feel about them and what they’re doing.
Once again, for the most part, the top and bottom of the rankings remain intact, with the Arizona Cardinals having locked down the top spot longer than any other team this season.
1. ARIZONA CARDINALS (7-0)
Arizona faces the best team since it delivered a double-digit beat down on the Los Angeles Rams in Week 2 when they host the Green Bay Packers Thursday. There’s a good chance they’ll stay perfect, as the Packers are struggling to put wide receivers on the field. The Cards have their own missing pieces on defense and will be without J.J. Watt. It’s Week 8 and that’s right on schedule for his yearly injury issues to start. Last week: No. 1
2. LOS ANGELES RAMS (6-1)
Matthew Stafford didn’t get revenge against the Detroit Lions so much as leave them on read in his DMs last Sunday. Stafford became the seventh fastest player to throw 300 touchdowns, surpassing the total with the second of his three TDs against the Lions. Wide receiver Cooper Kupp caught two of them and is on pace for one of the best pass catching seasons in NFL history. Last week: No. 2
3. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (6-1)
The Bucs keep winning. Tom Brady keeps putting up the best numbers of his career and no one seems that excited about it or getting their premature Super Bowl tattoos. This should worry everyone. Last week: No. 3
4. GREEN BAY PACKERS (6-1)
Aaron Rodgers and the Pack look as if they’ve fully bounced back from a ridiculous bedsheet soiling in the opening week of the season. Their schedule has helped a lot, but that all ends when they face the Cardinals, the NFL’s only undefeated team, Thursday night without two of their top receivers. Devante Adams and Allen Lazard are both on the COVID-19 list. Last week: No. 4
5. CINCINNATI BENGALS (5-2)
The Bengals’ win over the Baltimore Ravens was more than a statement. It was a manifesto read aloud through a bullhorn. Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase have picked up right where they left off at LSU and Cincy not only looks like a playoff team, but a possible AFC North champ. Burrow has thrown two or more touchdown passes in his last seven games. Last week: No. 10
6. TENNESSEE TITANS (5-2)
A week after their biggest win in nearly two years, the Titans went ahead and did it again, not only knocking off their 2019 AFC Championship nemesis, the Kansas City Chiefs, but doing it in such a fashion as to put the Chiefs’ entire 2021 season in doubt. Derrick didn’t rush for a touchdown or even 100 yards, but he made up for it by passing for a TDe. Last week: No. 11
7. BALTIMORE RAVENS (5-2)
Ravens offensive coordinator Greg Roman has expanded his playcalling to an actual NFL level and Lamar Jackson thrived. Let’s see how creative he can get, because the concepts the Bengals used to slow them down last Sunday will be seen every week here on out. Last week: No. 5
8. DALLAS COWBOYS (5-1)
The Cowboys come off their bye with health issues, the biggest of which is the status of Dak Prescott. They’ll need him as they play in one of the few expected competitive games this weekend when they face the 3-3 Minnesota Vikings. Last week: No. 6
9. BUFFALO BILLS (4-2)
A bye after a loss isn’t always a good thing, but the Bills were a play away from knocking off the surprisingly good Titans on the road. Buffalo gets to take out that frustration on a lackluster Miami Dolphins team Sunday looking for a new quarterback. Last week: No. 7
10. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS (5-2)
Like anyone that’s just recently had a dangerous cancer removed, Las Vegas is feeling good and making that a real problem for every other team they play. Derek Carr continues his tear through the league. Last Sunday, he completed 31 of 34 passing. No QB in NFL history has attempted at least 34 passes and thrown just three incompletions. Last week: No. `14
11. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (4-2)
Like the Bills, the Chargers had a week off to think about how bad they looked in their last loss against the Ravens. It probably didn’t help to see the Bengals dominate the team that knocked them on their ass seven days prior. Last week: No. 11
12. CLEVELAND BROWNS (4-3)
It’s good news for the Browns that Case Keenum could step in for Baker Mayfield and the team barley miss a beat. It wasn’t good for Mayfield and his contract prospects this offseason. Last week: No. 14
13. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (4-2)
I can honestly say I expected the Saints to have this record when the season began. What I didn’t expect is for them to do it while looking this bad week to week. One bright spot with Jameis Winston, he’s the only QB in the league with over 100 drop backs to not throw an interception from a clean pocket. Considering his history, that’s a real accomplishment. They did make a trade before the deadline for former running back Mark Ingram from the Houston Texans to add some depth to a backfield that was already a strength. Last week: No. 19
14. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (3-4)
There comes a point where we all just have to admit something is very wrong with the Chiefs and it’s not getting fixed this season. That problem, particularly on defense (though the offense isn’t blameless) is likely what will keep Kansas City out of the playoffs. Patrick Mahomes has thrown 13 interceptions in over his last 10 games. Last week: No. 9
15. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (2-4)
Injuries remain an issue, but this team feels like it’s topped out now in the NFC’s middle tier. And considering they play in a conference with five of the best teams in the league, being in that middle tier means probably missing the playoffs. Last week: No. 12
16. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (3-3)
The Steelers saved their season with a victory before their bye. Now, playing at Cleveland Sunday, they have a chance to not only get back on track, but mess up the team directly in front of them in the (way too early) playoff seeding. Last week: No. 16
17. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (3-4)
Carson Wentz has no chance at an NFL MVP this season, but he does have a chance to be his team’s Most Valuable Player and keep them in the postseason hunt for the rest of the year. Last week: No. 21
18. CHICAGO BEARS (3-4)
The calls are starting again to fire Matt Nagy, so that’s usually when the team steps up to down a superior team. Like the 49ers this Sunday, for instance. Last week: No. 15
19. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (3-4)
I keep seeing pundits talk about the Patriots as a legitimate playoff contender when they have yet to beat a squad not fielding a rookie QB. Two of their three victories are against the New York Jets. To be fair, Mac Jones is the highest rated rookie QB this season, but he’s also on the best team. Last week: No. 24
20. DENVER BRONCOS (3-4)
There’s still a lot of season left and the Broncos are far from out of it, but this is a team that needs to find some magic quick or we’re looking at a complete rebuild, with a new head coach, quarterback and probably edge rusher, next season. Denver did get some good injury news this week as wide receiver Jerry Jeudy should be back on the field. Last week: No. 17
21. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (3-3)
The Vikings might sneak into the playoffs thanks to a weak bottom half of the NFC and, frankly, that has to be the worst possible outcome for Mike Zimmer who had to see getting fired from this team like being too late to board the Titanic. Last week: No. 20
22. CAROLINA PANTHERS (3-4)
Seeing Sam Darnold benched before midseason was maybe the least surprising thing to happen last Sunday. He’s now thrown seven interceptions in his last four games Darnold’s receivers didn’t help him much. Carolina leads the league in dropped passes with 19.. Last week: No. 18
23. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (2-5)
For three weeks in a row Geno Smith has had a chance to drive the Seahawks down the field for the winning score only to fail. He’s thrown a pick, fumbled and turned the ball over on downs without ever crossing the 50 in any game. Last week: No. 22
24. ATLANTA FALCONS (3-3)
In consecutive weeks, the Falcons have found a way to win close games. They’ve done it against the New York Jets and Miami Dolphins, but still. The effort, especially late, should count for something. Last week: No. 26
25 WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM (2-5)
Washington opened this season with solid hopes of an NFC East repeat thanks to their defense. Their defense had other plans and has given up 30 points a game this season. Last Week: No. 23
26 PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (2-5)
When you look at the mess the Eagles are in, you have to realize that these are choices they made as an organization. They fired Doug Pederson. They traded away Carson Wentz. They’ve done this on purpose. The good news is, they have the draft picks to fix it. And losing this year is the best thing they can do for their future. Last week: No. 25
27. NEW YORK GIANTS (2-5)
The Giants didn’t save Joe Judge’s job with a win over the Panthers Sunday, but they did cost Sam Darnold his. Last week: No. 30
28. MIAMI DOLPHINS (1-6)
Roger Goodell announced this week that that the NFL wouldn’t punish Deshaun Watson for any of his legal issues until all the investigations and court cases were complete. That means that if the Dolphins are going to make the blockbuster trade, they’ll get to put Watson on the field this year without repercussions. It may not be enough to save their season, but it will be enough to make them interesting. Last week: No. 27
29. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (1-5)
Moving the Jaguars down after a bye might not seem fair, but take heart. If they’d have played, they most definitely would have lost and dropped further down the list. Last week: No. 28
30. NEW YORK JETS (1-5)
The Jets, looking at rookie quarterback Zach Wilson out for a couple of weeks, made a trade for their former back up Joe Flacco. What that tells me is that Robert Saleh and general manager Joe Douglas dropped the ball building their roster in the offseason. If No. 2 Mike White isn’t the guy now, he sure as hell wasn’t the guy in August. Last week: No. 29
31. HOUSTON TEXANS (1-6)
The question for the Texans isn’t about the Deshaun Watson trade. If they get anywhere near his actual value, they’ve done their jobs. The real conundrum is, do they have the right people in place in the organization, from general manager Nick Caserio to head coach David Culley to weird culty spiritual advisor Jack Easterby in place to do anything with those picks? And since one of the guys I mentioned making the calls is the Kool Aid man, I feel that answer is a resounding, “no.” Last week: No. 31
32. DETROIT LIONS (0-7)
Well, Lions you tried it. Literally everything, unleashing a kitchen sink game against the Rams that was doomed to lose ultimately, while only keeping the Rams from covering. Jared Goff is now 0-14 without Sean McVay as his head coach and everyone who watched him play when he was in LA could have called that game losing pick in the red zone from space. Last week: No. 32
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