XFL WEEK 6 PREVIEW & PICKS

BY ADAM GREENE

We’ve crossed the Rubicon on our 2023 XFL season and officially enter the stretch, where the good teams will continue to separate themselves and the Orlando Guardians might just put up the worst performance for a professional football team in all of civilization But, hey, we’re watching and we have the odds, lines and totals with which to do something about it..

XFL POWER RANKINGS

1. WASHINGTON DC DEFENDERS (5-0)

In spite of all the evidence provided by our own eyes and the statistical performance of their quarterback, Jordan Ta’amu, the Washington DC Defenders remain undefeated and, after the Houston Roughnecks stumbled against the Seattle Sea Dragons, are the only perfect record left in the XFL. All that can change Sunday when they finally match up with the aforementioned Roughnecks. Last week: No. 2

2. HOUSTON ROUGHNECKS (4-1)

For the first four weeks of the season, Houston looked like the league’s best team. They probably still are after an offensive stumble against a hot Seattle team that could be a real contender. The Roughnecks will get a chance to reclaim the top spot this week when they square up against the Defenders. Last week: No. 1

3. SEATTLE SEA DRAGONS (3-2)

Seattle showed up as the underdog against the Roughnecks and proved, from the opening kickoff, that they did not agree with that assessment last Thursday. They held Houston scoreless for three quarters and survived a pretty rough day from their own quarterback. Last week: No. 4

4. ST. LOUIS BATTLEHAWKS (3-2)

After managing just three points in the opening half against the DC Defenders, the St. Louis Batltehawks couldn’t make up for it in spite of  a late run. St. Louis remains a deadly team that can move the ball, but their defense isn’t strong enough to overcome sluggish offense and turnovers. Last week: No. 3

5. ARLINGTON RENEGADES (3-2)

The Arlington Renegades can now claim that they have won the worst football game played in 2023 (and that’s just because the 10-3 game between the New England Patriots and New York Jets was played in 2022). Last week: No. 5

6. LAS VEGAS VIPERS (1-4)

How much was Vegas’ first win of the season due to them cleaning up their offensive sloppiness and how much was due to just playing against the Orlando Guardians? They’ll get to show us this week when they take on one of the XFL’s best teams, the St. Louis Battlehawks. Last week: No. 7

7. SAN ANTONIO BRAHMAS (1-4)

The other half of one of the worst football games ever played lands right above the winless Orlando Guardians as the Brahmas have half a season left to figure something out. They’ll get what amounts to a do-over to try again against the Arlington Renegades Sunday. Last week: No. 6

8. ORLANDO GUARDIANS (0-5)

You almost have to feel sorry for the Guardians at this point considering they actually showed up to play last week against the Vipers and still managed to keep a goose egg in the win column. I will say again, we should have a game after the USFL season is over between its worst team and the Guardians just to figure out who the worst football team in the world might be. Last week: No. 8

WEEK 6

SATURDAY

SEATTLE SEA DRAGONS AT ORLANDO GUARDIANS (+9.5, O/U: 42.5)

The Seattle Sea Dragons shocked the XFL world last Thursday, knocking off the previously undefeated Houston Roughnecks 21-14. Quarterback Ben DiNucci was generous with the ball, throwing three interceptions to go with a 17 of 32 passing day for 209 yards and one touchdown. He was sacked twice and led the team with four carries for 33 yards and a score. Jahcour Pearson caught five passes for 82 yards. Damion Willis hauled in five as well for 61 yards and a TD. Qwynnterrio Cole led the Sea Dragons with 10 tackles. Niko Lalos had five tackles and an interception.

They made it interesting, but the Orlando Guardians not only remained the worst team in the XFL, but continue laying their claim on being the worst professional football team on the planet when they lost 35-32 to the Las Vegas Vipers last Saturday. Quenten Dormady went most of the way at quarterback for the Guardians, for all the good it did. He actually played pretty well, finishing 22 of 35 for 256 yards, two touchdowns and no interceptions. He was sacked twice. Paxton Lynch was 5 of 9 for 47 yards, no touchdowns and no picks. He rushed four times for 16 yards. Jah-Maine Martin led the team with nine carries for 36 yards and a TD. Cody Lattimer caught eight passes for 124 yards and a score. Charleston Rambo hauled in five for 69 yards and a touchdown. Lance Lenoir caught five passes for 41 yards. Caveon Patton ended the game with 11 tackles. Najeem Hosein, Terrence Smith and Terrance Plummer each picked up seven tackles. Smith added one for a loss and a forced fumble.

I’m not going to be fooled by the sudden appearance of an Orlando offense. Seattle is coming off their biggest win of the season over the previously undefeated Roughnecks. You can’t follow that up with a loss to the Guardians, right? Right? Sea Dragons 33, Guardians 24

ST. LOUIS BATTLEHAWKS AT LAS VEGAS VIPERS (+3, O/U: 45)

A slow start and two AJ McCarron turnovers doomed the St. Louis Battlehawks as they fell to the XFL’s only undefeated team, the Washington DC Defenders, 28-20, last Saturday. McCarron did go 22 of 34 for 236 yards and toss a couple of touchdowns. He was harassed all day and was sacked five times while rushing for 12 yards. Brian Hill toted the load in the run game, carrying the ball 14 times for 79 yards. Hakeem Butler hauled in nine passes for 86 yards, Steven Mitchell caught one pass for a 50 yard touchdown. George Campbell caught the other TD, a five yard pass from McCarron. On defense, Mike Rose picked up eight tackles. LaCale London finished with seven. Willie Harvey and Carson Wells both recorded six tackles, with Harvey adding one tackle for a loss and Wells picking up three tackles behind the line of scrimmage.

After a month of futilitym the Las Vegas Vipers finally landed in the win column in the way in which every team in the XFL can expect, by matching up against the Orlando Guardians. In a battle of losers, the Vipers knocked off Orlando 35-32. Luis Perez got the rock the whole time for Vegas, finishing 20 of 28 for 269 yards, three touchdowns and no interceptions. He was not sacked and rushed twice for nine yards. Rod Smith led the way on the ground with 18 carries for 62 yards and two touchdowns. Jeff Badet caught five passes for 80 yards and two scores. John Lovett caught two passes for 57 yards. Sean Price hauled in one three-yard touchdown pass. Marwin Evans ended the day with eight tackles. CJ Avery and Adam Sparks both finished with seven tackles, with Avery getting one for a loss. Pita Taumoepenu recorded five tackles, three sacks, four tackles for a loss and a forced fumble.

Vegas was an early favorite of mine that has thoroughly disappointed this season, mainly because of turnovers. Have they fixed it? If they have, this game could be a suprise, but I think St. Louis is better, regardless, and will be tough to beat coming off a close loss. Battlehawks 28, Vipers 23

SUNDAY

SAN ANTONIO BRAHMAS AT ARLINGTON RENEGADES (-2.5, O/U: 33)

No, you are not suffering from the Mandela Effect, nor have you stepped through a worm hole or magical wardrobe. We get back-to-back match ups between the Arlington Renegades and San Antonio Brahmas, this time with the home team flipped. Last week, the Brahmas fell 12-10 to Arlington in what was easily the worst game of the week. Reid Sinnett and Jack Coan split time at quarterback for San Antonio because that’s what you do when you’re terrible. Sinnett was 13 of 19 for 97 yards, a touchdown and a pick. He was sacked once and carried the ball once for a 10-yard gain. Coan was 7 of 15 for 42 yards, no TDs and two interceptions. He was also sacked once and rushed three times for 16 yards. Jacques Patrick led the team with six rushes for 26 yards. Kalen Ballage caught five passes for 42 yards, TJ Vasher hauled in two for 19 yards and the only touchdown. Jordan Williams finished with 11 tackles. Riko Jeffers had nine tackles and one for a loss. Matthew Gotel recorded seven tackles and two for a loss. Tenny Adewusi had five tackles and an interception.

As for the Arlington Renegades, hey, at least they won the game. Kyle Sloter remained unimpressive at quarterback, finishing 14 of 26 for 148 yards, no touchdowns and an interception. He was sacked twice and rushed twice for 17 yards. De’Von Smith carried the ball 19 times for 44 yards and a score. Brandon Arconado caught three passes for 40 yards. Will Hill and Donald Payne each finished with seven tackles apiece. Payne added one for a loss. Willie Taylor had three tackles, one sack, two for a loss and a forced fumble.

If they’re going to play this game over a week later, we might as well expect more of the same. I’m going for a higher point total just to entertain myself. Renegades 18, Brahmas 13

HOUSTON ROUGHNECKS AT WASHINGTON DC DEFENDERS (-2.5, O/U: 43)

In spite of a 14 point effort in the fourth quarter and picking off Seattle Sea Dragons quarterback Ben DiNucci three times, the Houston Roughnecks dropped their first game of the season, losing 21-14. Brandon Silvers never could get into a rhythm passing the ball, finishing 25 of 47 for 227 yards, one touchdown and one interception. He was sacked three times and lost a fumble. Brycen Alleyne led the team in rushing with five carries for 35 yards. Max Borghi rushed six times for just 12 yards, but did score a touchdown. Justin Smith recorded three catches for 63 yards and a touchdown. Travell Harris had five receptions for 58 yards. On defense, Jordan Mosley led the team with seven tackles. Emmanuel Ellerbee had six tackles and Tim Ward finished with five tackles, one sack and two tackles for a loss. Ajene Harris recorded four tackles and picked off two passes.

I still can’t explain it, but somehow the Washington DC Defenders are undefeated five weeks into the season and just knocked off one of the league’s better looking squads, the St. Louis Battlehawks, 28-20 last Saturday. It’s a brand of football I’m not sure anyone likes to see, but it’s happening and there’s nothing we can do to stop it apparently. Quarterback Jordan Ta’mu once again put up numbers that would get him benched as the QB of a local high school, finishing 12 of 18 for 90 yards. He was not sacked and rushed eight times for 23 yards. Abram Smith, and this guy is your story, carried the ball 23 times for 218 yards and three touchdowns. That’s 9.5 yards per carry. Lucky Jackson caught five passes for 54 yards. No other Defender caught more than two. Reggie Northrup finished with nine tackles. Anthoula Kelly had seven. Andre Mintz  recorded four tackles, two sacks, one tackle for a loss and forced a fumble.

I can’t conceive of a universe where Wade Phillips hasn’t devised some kind of plan to shut down what Washington does on offense. This is a guy that routinely stalled out Tom Brady and record breaking NFL offenses. I’m going with Houston, which might be great news for DC, since I’ve picked against them at least four out of the five weeks previous. Roughnecks 27, Defenders 16

Last week

Straight up: 2-2

Against the spread: 2-2

Season

Straight up: 11-9

Against the spread: 10-10

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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