NFL POWER RANKINGS WEEK 4

BY ADAM GREENE

It’s officially the beginning of a new NFL week and you know what means — arbitrarily ranking all 32 teams based on criteria I’ve made up based on nothing. It’s just how it’s done.

Let’s rank ‘em!

1. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (3-0)

After a solid road victory over a previously undefeated Tampa Bay Buccaneers team (hey, I’m as shocked as anyone to write that out), the Eagles seem to have left their Super Bowl hangover completely behind them. Sunday, they host the Washington Commanders so I’m relatively sure this win streak will continue. Last week: No. 1

2. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (3-0)

Many times, good teams, even great teams, have trouble playing well on Thursday night and the 49ers were no different. Lucky for them, they were playing the New York Giants, who always make every NFL team look like juggernauts. Last week: No. 2

3. MIAMI DOLPHINS (3-0)

Speaking of juggernauts, the Dolphins are legitimately one on offense. Sunday, they put 70 points, 10 touchdowns, on the Denver Broncos. They’re one of just five NFL teams in history to score that many points and the first to do it splitting it evenly, with five passing TDs and five rushing TDs. Last week: No. 3

4. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (2-1)

Yes, the Chiefs beat the Chicago Bears as we knew they would, but that is not what anyone is talking about regarding last Sunday’s game at Arrowhead, Swifties, welcome to the NFL. We’re happy to have you. Last week: No. 4

5. CINCINNATI BENGALS (1-2)

Joe Burrow isn’t completely healthy, but holding off a solid Rams team to keep from falling to 0-3 could be the start of a good streak for the Bengals. What can mess it up? Losing to the Tennessee Titans Sunday. Last week: No. 9

6. DETROIT LIONS (2-1)

The loss to the Seattle Seahawks still looks bad, but Detroit dispatched a previously undefeated Atlanta Falcons team relatively easy last week as they should have. This team should be kicking itself for not being 3-0 right now. Last week:  No. 10

7. BUFFALO BILLS (2-1)

They were literally overshadowed by the Dolphins’ offensive explosion, but we don’t need to let it slip past us that Buffalo’s offense has been on fire since they dropped their season opener to the New York Jets thanks to Josh Allen’s sloppy play. Allen just needs to keep doing what he’s doing and this team will be fine. Last week: No. 11

8. DALLAS COWBOYS (2-1)

Oof. That Mike McCarthy play calling stink finally showed up at exactly the wrong time for a Dallas team everyone was already penciling into the Super Bowl. On the bright side Cowboys fans, your next head coach is already on the staff when McCarthy completely blows it again this year. Last week:  No. 5

9. BALTIMORE RAVENS (2-1)

Every team will win a game they shouldn’t and lose a game they should have won. Still, it was shocking to see the Ravens go down to the Indianapolis Colts at home in overtime. Between this game and the Houston Texans blasting the Jacksonville Jaguars, I’m not sure any Survivor Pool in a America made it through the weekend Last week: No. 6

10. CLEVELAND BROWNS (2-1)

For the first time since he joined the Browns, Deshaun Watson actually kind of looked like the old Deshaun Watson. So, maybe someone needs to check is Instagram DMs. Just to be safe.  Last week: No. 15

11. GREEN BAY PACKERS (2-1)

Are the Packers a bad good team or a good bad team? Because they’ve looked like both over the last two weeks of the season. To need an 18-point fourth quarter to come back and win over the New Orleans Saints with Jameis Winston at quarterback doesn’t make me feel great about picking this team to win the NFC North. Last week: No. 16

12. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (1-2)

It doesn’t matter how good the Jags are, the Texans literally own them. They’ve beaten Jacksonville 10 out of the last 11 times they’ve played. You want to go back farther? How about 16 of the last 19? This time it wasn’t just a loss, it was a full on blowout to a team led by a rookie quarterback (who’s pretty good). Last week: No. 7

13. LOS ANGELES RAMS (1-2)

While maybe there were some good things to take away from Week 2’s loss to the 49ers, there’s nothing much to like about the Rams’ loss to the Bengals on Monday night. They need to upgrade their running game, especially in the red zone, significantly. Maybe it’s time to discuss some things with the Colts concerning Jonathan Taylor when they travel to Indianapolis Sunday. The Rams did get some good news this week. All-Universe wide receiver Cooper Kupp is expected to be back on the field in Week 5 against the… Eagles. Yikes. Last week: No. 8

14. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (2-1)

I did that stupid thing in my season preview where I picked the Steelers to finish with a losing record. When will I learn? Last week: No. 19

15. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (2-1)

It’s NFL football, but I’m not ready to anoint the Seahawks a playoff team again after a 10-point win over the Carolina Panthers, who might be the worst team in the league. Last week: No. 21

16. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (2-1)

I didn’t think the Colts would hold a winning record all season, let alone be 2-1 atop the AFC South three weeks in. And they’ve done with a rookie quarterback in Anthony Richardson and Gardner Minshew. Shane Steichen, if he can get this team to a winning record, will walk to the NFL’s Coach of the Year award, playoffs or no. Last week: No. 26

17. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (2-1)

Three teams in the NFC South teams opened the year 2-0 and they’re all 2-1 now, starting with the Saints who surrendered 18 points to the Green Bay Packers in the fourth quarter after Derek Carr was knocked from the game. Last week: No. 12

18. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (2-1)

The Bucs were roughed up by the Eagles as we all expected. They might be better than we thought they’d be in the preseason, but they’re no match for the NFC’s elite. Last week: No. 13

19. WASHINGTON COMMANDERS (2-1)

Reality hit hard for the Commanders with a 37-point beat down at the hooves of the Buffalo Bills Sunday. That Sam Howell, that threw four interceptions and finished with a 19.0 QB rating, is the guy I expected to see from the start. Last week: No. 14

20. NEW YORK GIANTS (1-2)

If there’s a bright spot for the Giants so far this season it’s that their come from behind win over the Arizona Cardinals doesn’t look nearly as bad this week. Last week: No. 18

21. ATLANTA FALCONS (2-1)

Last week, the Falcons were our lowest ranked 2-0 team. Now they’re our lowest ranked team with a winning record. Sunday will fix that when they lose to the Jaguars. Last week: No. 20

22. TENNESSEE TITANS (1-2)

Is that Will Levis’ music? Why does it sound like armpit farts routed through a tin can attached to a string? Last week: No. 22

23. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (1-2)

Brandon Staley is unquestionably on the hot seat and earned some criticism for coaching decisions in LA’s win over the Minnesota Vikings Sunday. But, hey, at least they won. And Staley, for now, is safe. Last week: No. 15

24. ARIZONA CARDINALS (1-2)

I wrote about hard tough it is to tank in the NFL in this week’s “What We Learned” and no team better exemplifies that than the Cardinals. There’s no question they made quarterback decisions in the offseason to maximize their draft status come next April. Their mistake? Joshua Dobbs doesn’t suck. He’s pretty good. And now the Cardinals are alive and, trust me, no one in the front office wanted that. Last week:  No. 32

25. HOUSTON TEXANS (1-2)

I mentioned in the Jags’ section Houston’s ridiculous stranglehold over Jacksonville historically. What I didn’t mention there is that I was the guy that told everyone CJ Stroud was the best quarterback coming out in the last draft. Just wanted to bring it up again. Three games in and he’s completed 64.5 percent of his passes for four 906 yards, four touchdowns and no picks. So, yeah, I’m feeling good about my draft analysis. Last week: No. 30

26. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (1-2)

For those of us who enjoy watching the Patriots lose, last week’s victory over the New York Jets to avoid an 0-3 start was a real let down. I’d like to believe a pissed off Cowboys team will rectify it this week, but the Mike McCarthy vs Bill Belichick coaching battle is as lopsided as the Waffle House toilet seat once McCarthy rises from it Sunday morning. Oh, and the whole Mac Jones is a dirty player narrative popped up again because, you guessed it, he’s a dirty player. This time it was a punch to the no-no area of Sauce Gardner that got Jones called out. Last week: No. 27

27. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS (1-2)

Huh. Would you look at that? The Raiders lost their second game in a row to a team at roughly their same talent level and ran by an offensive coordinator that their fanbase despises. Josh McDaniels, you never cease to surprise. Last week: No. 24

28. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (0-3)

In a loser leaves town match, the Vikings lost and, therefore, must abandon the village. Seriously, there’s talk about moving Kirk Cousins at the trade deadline and they should really think about it. Lean into a rebuild, because it’s happening next year no matter what. Why not add some draft capital in the process? Last week: No. 25

29. NEW YORK JETS (1-2)

Speaking of that possible Kirk Cousins trade, there’s continual talk about the Jets pulling the trigger on it. I’m not a fan of the idea. Yes, it sucks for Jets fans that they felt they’d make, at worst, a return to the playoffs this season only to see those hopes crumple to the turf four plays in, but I’m telling you — lean in here. Get that high draft pick. Hell, you could end up with the No. 1 overall pick and have Caleb Williams mentored by Aaron Rodgers. That does not sound like the worst consolation prize to me. And while Rodgers and I disagree on most things, like medical science when he doesn’t need his Achilles reattached, we do agree that the team needs to keep their chirps about Zach Wilson out of view of the public. Yes, Wilson plays like garbage and none of us are shocked about that. You know what won’t help? Squabbling about it on the sidelines during the game. Last week: No. 17

30. CHICAGO BEARS (0-3)

Matt Eberflus can thank Taylor Swift for helping us all ignore his team stunk it up once again, losing as expected to the Chiefs Sunday. Eberfuls’ seat isn’t hot. It’s on fire. Last week: No. 29

31. CAROLINA PANTHERS (0-3)

My fear about Bryce Young’s size and durability have already played out just three games into the season. He needs to get with Tua Tagovailoa and take that jujitsu class. Last week: No. 31

32. DENVER BRONCOS (0-3)

So here’s how historic the Broncos’ 70-20 drubbing was to the Dolphins Sunday. They are the first NFL team since 1966 to surrender 70 points. It was just the fifth time it’s ever happened and the first since the AFL-NFL merger. Denver not only gave up five passing touchdowns, they gave up five rushing touchdowns. The Dolphins were literally trying not to score and the Broncos wouldn’t allow it. Last week: No. 28

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