NFL POWER RANKINGS WEEK 6

BY ADAM GREENE

We’re kicking off the new week of NFL football the way we always do, by arbitrarily ranking teams based on criteria I have invented solely from my fevered imagination.

But, hey, you know. This is important. What other meaningless thing can we argue about until nearly coming to blows? This is America and we need something to rage over or we all turn into dust. It is our curse.

So let’s rank these 32 teams and get the debates started.

1. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (5-0)

Philadelphia got a spirited effort from the Los Angeles Rams in what might be a playoff preview. And, like a bad movie trailer, it probably gave away how that NFC Divisional Round matchup will go down again. And, hey, let’s all stop the talk about “banning” the “tush push,” or the much better named “brotherly shove.” It’s obvious now, after numerous teams have attempted it and failed, that it’s a real football play. And one the Eagles are phenomenal at executing. Last week: No. 1

2. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (5-0)

It’s hard to argue with the Power Rankings that have the Niners at No. 1 but I can’t drop the Eagles if they keep winning. There’s no real question that San Fran and Philly are the two best teams in the NFC. They’ll probably settle home field advantage on their match up on Dec. 3 and then which team goes to the Super Bowl in the NFC Championship. Last week: No. 2

3. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (4-1)

Travis Kelce is dealing with a high ankle sprain as well as a devastating debate challenge from a guy who believes the Earth is flat and the sun is a giant cat butthole. I’m guessing Kelce plays against Denver Thursday night and doesn’t catch Covid in the process. As for his debate challenger Aaron Rodgers? He can just keep stewing in his diaper because Taylor Swift picked Travis over him. Last week: No. 3

4. MIAMI DOLPHINS (4-1)

The fact that the Dolphins didn’t put 100 points on the New York Giants last Sunday shows that Mike McDaniel is a man of mercy and that New York obviously never turned him down for a job. They did get some bad news on rookie phenom running back De’Von Achane with an injury that will cost him multiple weeks. Last week: No. 5

5. DETROIT LIONS (4-1)

As good as the Lions continue to look makes the defeat to the Seahawks seem that much worse. I expected Detroit to make the playoffs as a Wild Card, but they are running away with the NFC North and none of the other three teams look as if they’re in any danger of joining them in the postseason bracket.. Last week:  No. 6

6 JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (3-2)

Jacksonville’s home away from home worked out again, as they knocked off the favored Buffalo Bills in front of fans that are just happy to watch any American football live. Jacksonville plays in London every season, usually costing themselves a home game in the process. This time it was Buffalo who took the home team hit. It didn’t matter. The Jaguars know who to get it done in London and, more specifically, against the Bills. Trevor Lawrence is now, officially, 2-0 against Josh Allen. Last week: No. 10

7. BUFFALO BILLS (3-2)

Apparently last week’s loss to the Jaguars was technically a “home game” for the Bills, completely wasted at Totteham Hotspur Stadium, a place that sounds like it was named after some weird sex act you’d find on Urban Dictionary that requires a lit match, a chukka boot and bottle of Cholula. Anyway, at least the bars in New York were open to get the fanbase good and wasted and, with the loss, no tables were destroyed. Last week: No. 4

8. DALLAS COWBOYS (3-2)

Mike McCarthy and the Cowboys keep getting shots to knock off the 49ers and they keep blowing it. Specifically, this past weekend, with an embarrassing 42-10 blowout loss. The good news for McCarthy and the Boys is they’ll probably get another shot at the Niners in the postseason. The bad news? It’ll probably be an even uglier final score. Last week:  No. 7

9. BALTIMORE RAVENS (3-2)

There’s no question that the Pittsburgh Steelers defense is the real deal, but a 10-point outing from the Ravens won’t beat anybody. And they were completely shut out in the second half. But, on the bright side, the offensive coordinator didn’t get Lamar Jackson mauled in the process. So there’s that. Last week: No. 8

10. LOS ANGELES RAMS (2-3)

The Rams have continued to make moves, this time trading wide receiver Van Jefferson who just has not managed to move the needle as a pass catcher this season. Not with the emergence of Puca Nakua and Tutu Atwell. Los Angeles traded Jefferson to the Atlanta Falcons for a 2025 sixth round pick. The Falcons also get the Rams’ 2025 seventh rounder. It’s a salary dump and, with the Tyler Higbee extension last week, portends a possible trade coming up. I’m looking at you, Chase Young of the Washington Commanders. Last week: No. 9

11. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (3-2)

Indianapolis continues to put up a fight in every game and co-leads the AFC South in spite of losing Anthony Richardson for at least a month. That Gardner Minshew signing looks better by the day. And, it didn’t hurt that he already knew Shane Steichen’s offense. Last week: No. 16

12. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (3-1)

Seattle took a week off in second place in the NFC West. Now they get to face off against a Cincinnati Bengals team that must view every contest from here on out as a must win. So, yes, this will be the Joe Burrow vs Geno Smith quarterback duel we’ll all be telling our grandchildren about. Last week: No. 11

13. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (3-1)

No one outside of Florida (or the NFC South) seems to be noticing that Baker Mayfield is putting together one of the best seasons of his career. He’s 3-1 as a starter on a team no one expected much from (that went 8-9 a year ago with Tom Brady at QB), he’s completed 69.6 percent of his passes (a career high if it holds up) for 882 yards, seven touchdowns and two interceptions. The NFC South is there for the taking and it looks like Baker and the Bucs might just take it. Last week: No. 12

14. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (3-2)

Just when you think the Steelers will start piling up losses so Mike Tomlin will load offensive coordinator Matt Canada up into the nearest trebuchet, the defense saves the day again. TJ Watt is the only player keeping Canada employed and he never takes an offensive snap. Pittsburgh is in a bye week so this would be the perfect opportunity to make a change, right Mike Tomlin? Right? Last week: No. 14

15. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (3-2)

The idea that Dennis Allen could take a team led by an injured Derek Carr and completely shove a full on Boston Crème Pie right into Bill Belichick’s face in Foxboro was a true gift for us all. And, by “all,” I mean human civilization as a whole. Last week: No. 17

16. ATLANTA FALCONS (3-2)

Desmond Ridder gets to keep his job for at least another week after leading a last second comeback win over the Houston Texans. When the season started, that sentence was a lot less impressive to write. Which says a lot about where the Texans are and, also, where the Falcons, in Arthur Smith’s third season in command, should be. I still think he could get fired before the season is up. Last week: No. 21

17. NEW YORK JETS (2-3)

The Jets barely got the chance to enjoy Nathaniel Hackett outcoaching Sean Payton with Zach Wilson as his quarterback before Aaron Rodgers ruined it by opening his big stupid mouth inside his big, stupid face. Wilson should have silenced plenty of his doubters last week. Not that he’s a good quarterback. No one is thinking that. But that New York should trade for someone else and not ride out the Zach Wilson train like every 50-year old mom in the New York/New Jersey area. Last week: No. 29

18. CINCINNATI BENGALS (2-3)

For the first time this season, Joe Burrow actually looked like Joe Burrow, putting up 317 yards and three touchdowns with just a single pick. He got some help from Joe Mixon on the ground and Ja’Marr Chase single handedly won plenty of fantasy football league match ups with 15 catches for 192 yards and all three TDs. Last week: No. 13

19. CLEVELAND BROWNS (2-2)

Hey, remember how great Dorian Thompson-Robinson looked like a potential starting quarterback? Man, never in my life has a preseason proved more worthless for evaluating anything than this past one. Deshaun Watson missed the Ravens game because he “didn’t feel right,” which means he’s definitely not getting his usual post victory massage. He’ll probably start this week and considering Cleveland is facing the 49ers, will likely miss next week because of it.  Last week: No. 14

20. TENNESSEE TITANS (2-3)

The only thing less surprising about the Titans immediately losing bad to the Indianapolis Colts in spite of knocking out quarterback Anthony Richardson is that they did it after dominating the Cincinnati Bengals the week before. Last week: No. 16

21. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (2-2)

With a bye week, Brandon Staley didn’t get a chance to nearly cost his team a win with a ridiculous fourth down call deep in his own territory. This week they host the Cowboys on Monday Night Football for what could be one of the worst head coaching matchups in NFL history. We talk about “loser leaves town” games all the time, but the winner here should probably be packing his bags too. Last week: No. 17

22. GREEN BAY PACKERS (2-3)

A few weeks ago, I asked if the Packers are a good bad team or a bad good team. It turns out, they answered the question emphatically by just becoming a bad, bad team. So, thanks for the assist, Pack. Matt LaFleur isn’t used to this kind of performance in the regular season. He usually saves it for the playoffs when matching up with the 49ers. Here’s the good news, Green Bay has a bye this week. And there’s even better news — they play the Denver Broncos when they suit back up in Week 7. Last week: No. 18

23. HOUSTON TEXANS (2-3)

A last second field goal is all that has kept the Texans, with a rookie quarterback and rookie head coach, from leading the AFC South. A division that looks a lot tougher now than it did in the preseason. CJ Stroud has still not tossed a pick, setting a new rookie record. That Offensive Rookie of the Year award gets closer with every drop back. Last week: No. 19

24. WASHINGTON COMMANDERS (2-3)

I’ve been a Ron Rivera supporter, but there’s no question the dude has completely checked out this season and the Commanders would probably be smart to go ahead and check out of the Ron Rivera business too. Especially with Eric Bieniemy already on the staff. Hand him the whistle and go from there. Last week: No. 22

25. NEW YORK GIANTS (1-4)

Ok, sure. The Giants are completely awful, but you know what will make them worse? If Daniel Jones misses multiple games with his neck injury. Tyrod Taylor is a more than capable back up, maybe one of the best in the league, but this season is heading down the porta potty shoot fast for the G-Men. Last week: No. 23

26. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS 2-3)

All it took for Josh McDaniels to look like a halfway competent coach is to face a team with a worse offense than his in the Packers to show up last Monday night. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that Jimmy Garoppolo has literally made a career of embarrassing Green Bay. Last week: No. 29

27. CHICAGO BEARS (1-4)

For the second week in a row the Bears offense showed out in a big way, putting up their second consecutive 400-plus yard game (something the Steelers haven’t done in 40 games). Matt Eberflus turned the heat off his seat down a tad. A win over the Minnesota Vikings, the team that claimed the NFC North a season ago, would do even more to cool it off. Last week: No. 31

28. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (1-4)

All of our metrics on team “0-3/1-4 starts and making the playoffs” are honestly based on a 16 game season. This is just our third 17-gamer and the Vikings are still very much alive as a potential playoff team if they can put some wins together. They have the Bears coming up this week in what is a legitimately important game for both teams. Minnesota will have to win it without Justin Jefferson, who will miss four weeks after landing on injured reserve, Last week: No. 25

29. DENVER BRONCOS (1-4)

After losing the only real revenge game they could claim heading into the season, it’s a fire sale again for the Denver defense. Frank Clark is now on the trade block and the could possibly even cut him. This is a week after trading Randy Gregory and eating his contract. There’s waving a white flag and then there’s waving a broom stick with a pair of dirty tighty-whities tied to it. Last week: No. 26

30. ARIZONA CARDINALS (1-4)

Arizona is plucky, seemingly well coached and shows up ready to play every week. Which is a shame, because you know their front office is kicking rocks every time they make a play. Don’t worry Cards brass, you’ll get that Top 5 pick you’re looking for. Last week:  No. 27

31. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (1-4)

It is safe (and glorious) to say that this is the lowest the Patriots have ever been ranked in any Power Rankings I have put together in my entire writing career. And, you know what? It feels good. It feels right… Natural. Mac Jones was benched again for the second consecutive game, but the Super Genius says he remains the starting quarterback so no opposing defender’s groin is safe. They play at the Raiders this week and former Bill Belichick disciple Josh McDaniels. Fun fact, Belichick regularly loses to his coaches or players turned coaches. Probably because they know the Pats cheat sheet as well as he does. And, you know, that’s a shame. Really looking forward to next summer’s Hard Knocks already there, Bill. Last week: No. 28

32. CAROLINA PANTHERS (0-5)

Last week was always going to be a loss for Carolina and a bad one. The Lions put 42 on them, but the Panthers can take a little heart out of what was probably Bryce Young’s best game as a pro so far. He was 25 of 41 passing for 247 yards, three touchdowns and a couple of picks and got absolutely no help from the running game. Last week: No. 32

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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