NFL POWER RANKINGS WEEK 7

BY ADAM GREENE

It’s time to kick off the new NFL Week as required by law, by ranking all 32 teams using a criteria that exists only in my head.

1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (5-1)

Well, what do you know? Look who’s back atop the Power Rankings. The Chiefs have spent years up here or close and thanks to both the Philadelphia Eagles and San Francisco 49ers taking an “L,” the Swifties get to claim the top spot for the first time since Travis Kelce first weaved his and Taylor Swift’s fingers together. Kansas City isn’t content to sit here, tied with the best record in NFL football, they made a trade for Mecole Hardman from the New York Jets, bringing back one of Patrick Mahomes favorite deep threat targets. Last week: No. 3

2. MIAMI DOLPHINS (5-1)

If you think the Dolphins are good now, and they’re pretty fantastic, they look like they’ll get their best defensive player back, Super Bowl Champion Jalen Ramsey, as he’s resumed practice this week. My Miami Super Bowl pick looks better by the day. Last week: No. 4

3. DETROIT LIONS (5-1)

There’s an issue Lions fans have never had to deal with — legit expectations. Is Detroit as good as the Philadelphia Eagles and San Francisco 49ers are full strength and healthy? No., Are they as good as a beaten up Eagles or 49ers team? Absolutely. There are only a handful of teams in the NFL that have never made it to the Super Bowl since the merger in 1970 and the Lions are one of them. They have a QB, in Jared Goff, that’s made it to the big game before (and played poorly, to be real), as well as another former Rams player, Josh Reynolds, who started that game. There are players on this team that know what to expect in playoff games. Do I think the Lions will make it to Super Bowl LVIII? No. Do I think they can win it if they do? Yes. Last week:  No. 5

4. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (5-1)

The most concerning issue with their loss to the New York Jets is that it’s all scheme related. Robert Saleh figured the Eagles out and now Philly will be forced to react to that. Can the Dolphins put forth that kind of effort on defense this week? Probably not, but their offense will score points. There’s a real chance Philadelphia will stack up two losses in a row. Last week: No. 1

5. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (5-1)

Has Brock Purdy cracked his glass slipper? I’m not feeling that. The fact that two of his best offensive weapons — Christian McCaffrey and Deebo Samuel, were off the field affect any quarterback. Brandon Aiyuck has been phenomenal, and this remains a loaded squad, but he can’t make up for losing two All Pro players. No NFL franchise is going undefeated and this still looks, to me, like an NFC Championship contender. Last week: No. 2

6. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (4-2)

The Jaguars enjoyed a nice return to the United States with a solid multiple score win over the Indianapolis Colts. It’s the third straight victory for the Jags and shows exactly the type of input that Doug Pederson has had on the offense and how it’s completely ruined Sean McVay’s plan to trade for a pissed off Lawrence in four years. Last week: No. 6

7. BUFFALO BILLS (4-2)

Yes, the Bills won, but the fact that his former offensive coordinator could help come up with a defensive gameplan that seriously slowed down Josh Allen shows me there might be a problem there. Something than avid film watching defensive coordinator might be able to exploit. A victory is all that matters in the NFL, but the fact that the Giants held the Bills to 14 points, coached by Brian Doboll,, should be troubling. Last week: No. 7

8. DALLAS COWBOYS (4-2)

In the battle of two of the worst head coaches in the league. Mike McCarthy came out victorious over Brandon Staley on Monday Night Football. It must have felt like the first time he saw the chocolate fountain at the Golden Corral all over again. Dallas outlasted the Los Angeles Chargers and the Cowboys, if the playoffs started today, would be the fifth seed in the NFC. Last week:  No. 8

9. BALTIMORE RAVENS (4-2)

After scoring just 10 points the week before against the Pittsburgh Steelers, the Ravens O came back to life in their trip across the pond in a two score win over the Tennessee Titans. Maybe Lamar Jackson needs to have beans for breakfast every Sunday? Last week: No. 9

10. LOS ANGELES RAMS (3-3)

With the offense needing a boost, Sean McVay decided to pull a Kyle Shanahan in the second half of their game against the Arizona Cardinals, reeling off a drive full of running plays. Kyren Williams rushed 20 times for 158 yards and a touchdown. So, of course, he got hurt on his final run of the game and will miss multiple weeks. Last week: No. 10

11. CLEVELAND BROWNS (3-2)

The Browns had the biggest win of the week, knocking off the previously undefeated 49ers and injuring enough of their players to give the rest of the NFC a puncher’s chance against the loaded squad. Deshaun Watson is still probably out this week, which just shows he’s definitely not getting the post victory massages he’s used to receiving, but PJ Walker played well enough last Sunday that you can’t count out Cleveland just yet. Last week: No. 19

12. NEW YORK JETS (3-3)

The better the Jets play with crazy wins over teams that should blow them out, makes Aaron Rodgers’ injury all the more frustrating. Yes, he’s battling to get back before the playoffs, using every wacky internet witchcraft remedy he can to heal his Achilles along with, let’s not ever drop this, actual medical science and Big Pharma. If Travis Kelce is Mr. Pfizer, I’ll go ahead and call Rodgers Dr. Horse Paste and maybe that’s making all the difference. Either way, he’s an idiot who’s really good at football and. In spite of him being a giant bag of douche, I do wish he was healthy and playing. Last week: No. 17

13. CINCINNATI BENGALS (3-3)

While the Bengals are probably heading for an AFC Wild Card berth, after wins over the Rams, Cardinals and Seattle Seahawks, they already have a claim at an NFC West title. They get the 49ers in two weeks, maybe without Deebo Samuel and Christian McCaffrey, to really put make that claim stick. Last week: No. 18

14. HOUSTON TEXANS (3-3)

Are we ready to live in a world where the Texans aren’t a joke franchise? Well, we’re going to need to get used to it. CJ Stroud tossed the first pick of his career, but they still managed a solid touchdown victory over a New Orleans Saints squad that could end up making the playoffs thanks to a wacky (and weak) NFC South. Last week: No. 23

15. WASHINGTON COMMANDERS (3-3)

Just when you think Ron Rivera has completely checked out, he shows up by getting out of offensive coordinator Eric Bieniemy’s way. Bieniemy will be a head coach somewhere next season. Probably Washington, if I’m a betting man (and I am!). Last week: No. 24

16. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS (3-3)

Hey, the Raiders won and did all of human civilization a solid by defeating the New England Patriots. They do have an issue, it seems. All-Universe wide receiver Devante Adams isn’t happy at how he’s being used in Josh McDaniels’ offensive scheme According to ESPN, he’s “frustrated” with his diminished role in the offense and considering he’s one of the five best wide receivers in football, you could see why he’d be surprised that he’s not part of the gameplan. But that’s just the Josh McDaniels’ genius at work. The other team can’t scheme away your best offensive player if you do it first. Last week: No. 26

17. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (3-3)

The Colts were a solid watch with Anthony Richardson at quarterback, but every out of Indiana Colts fan that bought NFL Sunday Ticket is in for a long year. Richardson is having season ending shoulder surgery after a great start to his rookie season. That means next year, his second, will actually count as his rookie year as far as his NFL learning curve goes. It’s tough, but the good thing is, Indy didn’t trade any draft capital to acquire Richardson, so the higher their draft position, the better it’ll be for him next year when he’s back and healthy. If you recall, Joe Burrow’s rookie year got ruined with an injury and all the team got for it was Ja’Marr Chase. This could be a good thing. Last week: No. 11

18. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (3-2)

Here’s the deal, You can talk about DK Metcalf’s roughness penalties all you want, but if the Rams and Green Bay Packers weren’t decimated by injuries last season, this team would not have made the playoffs. Hell, if they had not benefited from the worst referee performance in recent NFL history, they would not have made the playoffs. Seattle is a pretender, not a contender and the only reason they might make it into the bracket this season is because the rest of the NFC is so weak. If Metclaf stays mad and wants to force a trade to another team, it would not break my heart.. Last week: No. 12

19. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (3-2)

The second we all noticed that the Bucs might be pretty good, they immediately turn back into a pumpkin, losing in a bad way, 20-6, to the Detroit Lions. Tampa Bay managed just two field goals and were held to just a total of 46 yards on the ground. The Buccaneers might still be a playoff team. Someone from the NFC South has to be, but every NFC Wild Card team will be battling for that fifth seed and all but guaranteed Wild Card round victory. Plus, you know, Tampa-St. Pete is the strip club capital of the world. Not a bad weekend trip to open the playoffs. Last week: No. 13

20. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (3-2)

With the week off to prepare for their game with the Rams, what kind of magic will Matt Canada dial up for Kenny Pickett and George Pickens to completely ignore as they actually try to win the game? Last week: No. 14

21. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (3-3)

Following up a 34-0 shutout victory over the Patirots with a 20-13 loss to the Texans isn’t so much a bad look for the Saints, but a good look for Houston. Which is why maybe Dennis Allen wasn’t the best hire to replace Sean Payton last year. And I’m pretty sure Payton’s not being missed too bad in the Big Easy after what’s gone down in Denver. Allen can save his job by making the playoffs, but anything less will probably get him loaded up in the nearest trebuchet. Last week: No. 15

22. ATLANTA FALCONS (3-3)

Desmond Ridder hasn’t done enough to get benched just yet, but three picks at home against a very beatable Washington Commanders team that was blown out by the Chicago Bears the week before will not help him keep his QB1 designation. Last week: No. 16

23. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (2-4)

The Vikings’ season is on the line pretty much every week now. I mentioned in the last Power Rankings that all of our metrics on teams with bad starts who still made the playoffs are based on a 16-game season. So they’re probably not applicable anymore. The Vikes have won two of their last three and will host an injured 49ers team. But here’s the issue — it’ll be on Monday Night and Kirk Cousins can try to dispel the “Prime Time Kirk” problems, but there’s a Prime Time Kirk problem. Knocking off the Niners would do a lot to kill that. Last week: No. 28

24. TENNESSEE TITANS (2-4)

Ryan Tannehill not only had a terrible game against the Ravens in London a week ago, he got injured and left the game. Tennessee went with Malik Willis out of the bullpen instead of Will Levis. Tannehill reportedly has a high ankle sprain, so there’s a chance we’ll get to hear Levis’ music in their next game coming out of the bye. And, yes, that is a lot of nose harp in an entrance song. Last week: No. 20

25. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (2-3)

So, for the first time in three weeks Brandon Staley made no stupid fourth down calls and the Chargers lost? Go back to being a nutbar, Brando. Apparently, that’s what works. Last week: No. 21

26. GREEN BAY PACKERS (2-3)

The Pack entered their bye on a two-game losing streak. You know what can fix that? A trip to Denver to take on the hapless Broncos. Last week: No. 22

27. NEW YORK GIANTS (1-5)

It’s been a rough season already for the Giants, who no one expects to make a return to the playoffs in 2023-24. This is not the worst thing that could happen, especially after a tough loss to the Bills. Yes, Daniel Jones is probably not the guy, but losing a lot means you can probably draft a guy and if the last two NFC Super Bowl teams — the Rams and the Eagles, have proven anything, it’s that these big contracts don’t have to be coach and team killers. If the G-Men have a shot at upgrading at QB, via free agency or the draft, they should absolutely take it. Last week: No. 25

28. CHICAGO BEARS (1-5)

With a chance to face off against one of the worst defenses in the league, Justin Fields was knocked from the game and isn’t expected to play this week when the team faces a very beatable Raiders squad. Last week: No. 27

29. DENVER BRONCOS (1-5)

I hope you are sitting down when you read this. The Broncos lost to the Chiefs last week. I know. Shocking. Even more startling? They looked like complete garbage on Thursday Night Football. Aim your body at the nearest fainting couch. Am I wrong in thinking the NFL should ban the Broncos, as an organization, from TNF? Amazon should literally have that written into their next contract with the league. Last week: No. 29

30. ARIZONA CARDINALS (1-5)

In spite of the coaching staff and players actively not wanting to tank, the rest of the NFL continues to do the Cards a solid by beating them, handily. The front office might land that No. 1 overall pick yet. Last week:  No. 30

31. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (1-5)

The wheels have not only fallen off the Patriots’ bandwagon, the literal band has quit, with the exception of the tuba player who’s just enjoying the attention (and is probably another one of Bill Belichick’s stupid kids). New England has lost three straight and should be heading for four as the Bills come to Foxboro this Sunday. Last week: No. 31

32. CAROLINA PANTHERS (0-6)

The Panthers get a merciful bye after losing, as expected, to the Miami Dolphins. I don’t think Bryce Young is a bust at all, in spite of the fact that he’s looked worse than both other quarterbacks taken in the first round behind him. He is just, unquestionably, in the worst situation. And a situation where no help is one the way as the team traded so much of their draft capital to pick him. Last week: No. 32

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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