NFL POWER RANKINGS WEEK 11

BY ADAM GREENE

Alright, gird your loins. I said gird them! It’s time to open our NFL Week 11 commentary the way we always do, by ranking all 32 teams through a completely made up ratings system I have crafted completely from my imagination.

But, hey, this matters. It’s important or every single NFL media outlet wouldn’t do it. So, here it is, my NFL Power Rankings for Week 11.

1. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (8-1)

All-Universe Center and future Taylor Swift brother in law Jason Kelce might not believe in revenge games, but I have to believer Philly has plenty of motivation facing off against the Kansas City Chiefs on Monday Night Football. If Jalen Hurts hadn’t fumbled in the first half and kicked the fumbled ball like he was playing really poor soccer in the opening half of that Super Bowl, Kelce, Hurts and the rest of the team would all have a ring. If anything, that should weigh on their minds come Monday night. Last week: No. 1

2. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (7-2)

The Chiefs had a week off to get prepped for their Super Bowl LVII rematch with the Philadelphia Eagles, but all my social media wanted to talk about was Taylor Swift singing about Travis Kelce specifically, “the guy on the Chiefs,” and then kissing him publicly after her concert in Argentina. And I am all for it. Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Last week: No. 4

3. DETROIT LIONS (7-2)

The end of the season will decide if the Lions’ victory over the Los Angeles Chargers counts as a “quality win,” because, as of now, the only one they can claim is their one-point victory over the Chiefs in Week 1. With the Chicago Bears coming to Detroit this Sunday, nothing in this particular Rubix cube conundrum will be solved Sunday. Last week:  No. 6

4. MIAMI DOLPHINS (6-3)

Speaking of teams without quality wins over legit teams, the Dolphins are the poster child. All of their victories have come against franchises with losing records. When Miami plays a winning team, they’ve not gotten closer than a touchdown. It’s a critique, sure, but probably shows that the Dolphins are a season away from seriously contending. That’s not the worst problem to have when you have the head coach (Mike McDaniel) and quarterback (Tua Tagovailoa) to lead your franchise. Last week: No. 5

5. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (6-3)

The Jaguars had a real chance to put on a show last week and prove they belonged amongst the NFL’s elite when hosting the San Francisco 49ers and were promptly obliterated to the tune of 34-3. As showings go, it wasn’t one. These are exactly the kind of games Trevor Lawrence is supposed to win in his third year, and instead he didn’t even hit 200 yards passing and tossed two picks. Last week: No. 2

6. BALTIMORE RAVENS (7-3)

The Ravens took a bad loss last week, in the last seconds in what would turn out to be Deshaun Watson’s final game of the season for the Cleveland Browns (or anyone). Still, they can all but take over the AFC North for good with a win over the Cincinnati Bengals Thursday night. Last week: No.3

7. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (6-4)

Joshua Dobbs continued to win for the Vikings, completing 67.6 percent of his passes for 268 yards, a touchdown and no picks while rushing for 44 yards and a score. This is why smart guys last so long in the NFL and Dobbs might, legitimately, be the most intelligent dude in the league.  Last week: No. 8

8. DALLAS COWBOYS (6-3)

Dak Prescott was responsible for five touchdowns in a beat down of the New York Giants. The Cowboys can knock off the mediocre and bad teams but can’t stand toe-to-toe with the big boys. I think that might come into play in the NFC Divisional Round. If they lose there again, and they will, this should be it for Mike McCarthy in Dallas and as a head coach in the NFL. But, on the plus side, some Waffle House is about to hire the best night manager in its history. Last week:  No. 9

9. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (6-3)

Hey, would you look at that Steelers? The Buffalo Bills looked at their offense, its deficiencies and decided it was time to toss some treats into the airlock, lure offensive coordinator Ken Dorsey into it, then hit the eject into space button and sent him careening into the vacuum. Now, Pittsburgh. Look at your own team. What if, and hear me out, you fired Matt Canada, the worst offensive coordinator in the NFL and actually made a real run this year, past getting blown out in the Wild Card Round? You know the last AFC North team to fire its OC halfway through the season won the Super Bowl, right? Last week: No. 11

10. CLEVELAND BROWNS (6-3)

After two straight wins with Deshaun Watson playing like Deshaun Watson, he will now miss the rest of the season thanks to a shoulder injury that he couldn’t play through. Now they’ll toss the ball to rookie Dorian Thompson-Robinson and let whatever happens, happen. It’s too late to change tracks now. I really think the lack of access to a regular “massage” has all but ruined Watson’s career. Last week: No. 12

11. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (6-3)

Seattle might be the most paper champion of every single team with a winning record heading into Week 11. If they’re a legit contender, they’ll wrap up the Los Angeles Rams playoff hopes in SoFi Sunday. I expect them to, instead, come out of that game as some origami swan. Last week: No. 14

12. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (6-3)

The 49ers finally got their entire offense healthy and on the field and beat the Jaguars 34-3. Does Deebo Samuel, who doesn’t have 10 100-yard receiving games in his entire career, mean that much to the matchups? It makes no sense, but the results show up in the win column. Last week: No. 15

13. HOUSTON TEXANS (5-4)

I might continue to write this every week. This is, easily, the highest the Texans have been ranked in any Power Rankings I have unleashed upon the world since 2019. It’s all thanks to head coach DeMeco Ryans, offensive coordinator Bobby Slowik (who the team will be lucky to keep for one more season, because he’s got to be on plenty of future NFL head coaching lists) and, of course, rookie quarterback CJ Stroud, who is already the best rookie QB in NFL history. Can they make the playoffs this year? Sure. Will they? Probably not, but the fact that they are not only in the mix in Week 11, but if the playoffs started today would be in it, is something no one saw coming back in April when Houston turned in Stroud’s draft card. Ryans and the Lions’ Dan Campbell are in a pitched battle for the 2023 NFL Coach of the Year Award. Last week: No. 17

14. CINCINNATI BENGALS (5-4)

Here’s a not so fun fact if you’re the Bengals. Cincinnati is 0-14 in Prime Time games since 2013. Their season isn’t exactly on the line Thursday night in Baltimore, but 5-5 in the AFC is quite a hole with just seven games to go. Last week: No. 7

15. BUFFALO BILLS (5-5)

After their latest offensive meltdown and stupid loss, the Bills loaded offensive coordinator Ken Dorsey up into the nearest catapult and fired him into the horizon. And while the situational play calling might improve in Buffalo now, can it fix Josh Allen’s tendency to turn the ball over? He leads the league with 11 interceptions and has thrown a pick in six straight games. Last week: No. 10

16. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (5-5)

There’s no chance the Colts are making the playoffs and, really, all they’re doing is screwing up their draft position to add a high first round talent to compliment Anthony Richardson and Jonathan Taylor, but, hey, we all loved seeing Indy hand the New England Patriots their eighth loss of the season over in Germany last week. A grateful human civilization thanks you. Last week: No. 18

17. WASHINGTON COMMANDERS (5-5)

Well, the Commanders’ hopes of tanking have completely been flushed down the toilet. Now, Washington has to lean into Sam Howell, which might not be that bad an idea, and actually try to draft around a guy that looks like he’s just been arrested for a DUI with a baby in a car seat behind him. Will it work? I say no, but some team out there is about to land the next “Ryan Fitzpatrick” as their backup QB when the Commanders chuck Howell. Last week: No. 19

18. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS (5-5)

Antonio Pearce is officially 2-0 as the Raiders head coach and has them on the edge of the playoff race, so it’ll be fun to see Mark Davis send him packing for whatever moron he decided to hire in the offseason. Last week: No. 20

19. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (5-5)

The Saints are a mediocre team at best, but they’re also the best team in the NFC South. All that will get them is obliterated as the No. 4 seed in the NFC playoffs by the top-seeded Wild Card team, but it’ll be a little tougher to get there if Michael Thomas, who was arrested last week for tossing a brick at a contractor’s car, isn’t able to play due to being in jail. Last week: No. 13

20. DENVER BRONCOS (4-5)

After a laughable start to the season, Sean Payton has the Broncos rolling, They’ve won three straight, including back to back victories over the Kansas City Chiefs and Buffalo Bills. All our Sean Payton jokes are no longer landing. And while Russell Wilson doesn’t look “fixed,” he’s definitely playing better in spite of looking absolutely miserable while doing it. Last week: No. 25

21. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (4-5)

After snuffing the flames under his seat over the last two weeks, Brandon Staley is once again facing a raging fire under his office chair thanks to a 41-38 home loss to the Lions in Week 10. Justin Herbert is going to look great in Los Angeles Rams jersey in three years. Last week: No. 16

22. NEW YORK JETS (4-5)

Aaron Rodgers continues to believe that he’ll be ready to re-take the field for the Jets sometime this season. If it’s as true as all the other things that Rodgers believes, he won’t play again until next October. Last week: No. 21

23. CHICAGO BEARS (3-7)

Is it a good thing for the Bears to see Justin Fields back on the field? Sure, since the Carolina Panthers are likely to secure the No. 1 overall pick regardless (and it belongs to Chicago via trade). Fields, even if the team isn’t able to run the table and make the postseason, will be solid trade bait if he plays well, to a team like the Atlanta Falcons, who should already be putting his jersey together. Last week: No. 28

24. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (4-5)

The Bucs are the oddest team in the NFL. They aren’t good, but they could still make the playoffs. They have too much talent to suck hard enough to be completely out of it, but that would probably be the best thing for the franchise as it would give Tampa Bay the excuse to jettison Todd Bowles for good. Last week: No. 29

25. GREEN BAY PACKERS (3-6)

Speaking of confusing bad teams, the Packers. That’s it. That’s the joke.  Last week: No. 22

26. ATLANTA FALCONS (4-6)

Desmond Ridder got another shot last week as Arthur Smith is trying everything he can, in season, to save his job when his firing was all but etched in hardened clay on a Sumerian tablet, uncovered by archeologists after being buried in a tomb 3,459 years ago. Last week: No. 23

27. LOS ANGELES RAMS (3-6)

Matthew Stafford is expected to play and backup Carson Wentz has two weeks with the team under his belt. On the schedule, a paper Seattle Seahawks team that LA has dominated even when Jeff Fisher was the head coach. They should be feeling good about their chances, Sunday. Last week: No. 24

28. ARIZONA CARDINALS (2-8)

Kyler Murray won his first start of the season and, not only that, did it in spite of a new Call of Duty game being released. Does this mean his work ethic has improved or that he just sucks at MW3? Last week:  No. 32

29. TENNESSEE TITANS (3-6)

One of the names tossed out there to replace Bill Belichick in New England if Bob Kraft decided to chuck the Super Genius is Mike Vrabel. He’d be a good hire, but I’m not sure the Titans would be so eager to part ways with the best head coach in their Tennessee history. Yes, that’s another dig at Jeff Fisher. Who will always deserve it Last week: No. 26

30. NEW YORK GIANTS (2-8)

Of all the teams that have lost their starting quarterback for the season, five to be exact as of this writing, the Giants are probably the only squad that’ll be better off because of it. They’ll have the chance to add a rookie QB high in the draft and ride one more year with Jones. The best case scenario, Jones bounces back and the rookie is good too, meaning they’ll be able to trade Jones’ contract. The worst case? They’ll have their actual QB on a rookie contract while they eat Jones’ deal. Last week: No. 27

31. CAROLINA PANTHERS (1-7)

The Panthers traded up for to take Bryce Young last offseason when they could have just leaned into being terrible and drafted Caleb Williams after this one. There’s a lesson there for every NFL team. Last week: No. 30

32. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (2-7)

There’s a solid rumor floating around out there that’s threatening my entire Bill Belichick and the Patriots being forced to do the summer version of HBO’s Hard Knocks next season. And that’s the possible exit, at owner Robert Kraft’s behest, of Belichick form the New England organization. Supposedly, Belichick’s next team has already been picked out. Whether that’s via a trade with the Pats or just Belichick and his sons, Clunt and Kweeph, already knowing which team would be interested in adding their services, no one has speculated. On the bright side, Bill’s coaching numbers are clear. Without Tom Brady, the literal best QB in NFL history, he has a .492 winning percentage. Brady, on the other hand, has a .800 winning percentage and a Super Bowl championship without Belichick. Bill is also one loss away from his third losing season in the last four years. On the bright side, watching Belichick along with his sons Stump and Pharnt, take a monstrous crap on his Pro Football Hall of Fame legacy by sucking it up with another team will be a nice bit of compensation for losing out on watching him stew in his own dirty diaper in front of the NFL Films cameras. Last week: No. 31

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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