FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 11

BY ADAM GREENE

It was a nice start for Week 11 for your humble narrator, as I went 1-0 both straight up and against the spread, picking the Baltimore Ravens to hold off the Cincinnati Bengals in the first potentially good Thursday Night Football matchup since Week 1.

I say “potentially,” because Joe Burrow exited the game after tossing a touchdown pass with an injured wrist that Cincy, for some reason, decided to leave off the injury report. Cincinnati fell 34-20 but may have lost more than just the game if Burrow misses any extended time. We all saw what the Jake Browning era would look like last night and if it was any uglier it would show up under my “most compatible” the next time I log into Hinge.

Byes: Atlanta Falcons, Indianapolis Colts, New England Patriots, New Orleans Saints

PITTSBURGH STEELERS AT CLEVELAND BROWNS (-1, O/U: 32)

Just when you thought that the Steelers might have their future saved by going on a month-long losing streak to ensure that Mike Tomlin will step from the cloud of his own satisfied farts, shake off the fumes, hear the yinzer cries from his critics and send offensive coordinator Matt Canada packing, we find out Deshaun Watson is out for the year after suffering a season ending shoulder injury.  This is what happens when you force Watson to massage himself. As for the Steelers, if you know a Pittsburgh fan (and how can you not? They’re everywhere), then they have informed you of their belief that Tomlin will rub his eyes really hard after a winning season and Wild Card round blowout, see the error of his ways, and decide to hire an actually competent NFL play caller. Good luck with that. Steelers 23, Browns 20

ARIZONA CARDINALS AT HOUSTON TEXANS (-5, O/U: 48)

Kyler Murray won his first start of the season last week and, even more impressive, did it while putting together an epic killtacular streak on the new Call of Duty. Of course, that victory came over the Atlanta Falcons and the elite combo of Arthur Smith and Desmond Ridder, I feel as if CJ Stroud and DeMeco Ryans will prove to be a tougher test. Texans 27. Cardinals 24

LOS ANGELES CHARGERS AT GREEN BAY PACKERS (+3, O/U: 44)

It’s a battle of former Sean McVay assistants who are both kicking through the weeds this season with their respective clubs. While I don’t think Matt LaFleur is in any real danger of getting canned, Brandon Staley’s seat is so hot that Sean Evans is trying to name a new ghost pepper sauce after it. Chargers 24, Packers 16

NEW YORK GIANTS AT WASHINGTON COMMANDERS (-9, O/U: 37)

I am convinced that the Commanders opened the year with the full intent to tank it completely, but accidentally kept too many good players on their team. They tried to chuck them at the trade deadline, sending Montez Sweat and Chase Young to greener pastures, but it’s done no good. Their schedule is too easy and Sam Howell might be an OK NFL quarterback. This is a disaster. Commanders 27, Giants 6

TENNESSEE TITANS AT JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (-6.5, O/U: 40)

With a shot at making a claim at being one of the NFL’s big dogs, the Jaguars were readily put down by the San Francisco 49ers last week. Does that help Tennessee here? Nope. Jaguars 31, Titans 20

CHICAGO BEARS AT DETROIT LIONS (-7.5, O/U: 48)

After their Week 1 victory over the Kansas City Chiefs, Detroit hasn’t claimed a win over a quality opponent with a winning record since. And it’s not happening this week either. Jusitn Fields’ return makes this one a tad more interesting, if for no other reason to see what he might be able to do in a Falcons, Commanders or Giants uniform next season. Lions 34, Bears 19

LAS VEGAS RAIDERS AT MIAMI DOLPHINS (-13.5, O/U: 46)

Speaking of good teams that haven’t beaten anybody, the Dolphins get to be the squad that hands Vegas interim head coach Antonio Pierce his first loss of the year. Will it count as a quality win for Miami if they do? I don’t think so, but it’ll be a horrible, embarrassing loss if they don’t. Dolphins 44, Raiders 17

DALLAS COWBOYS AT CAROLINA PANTHERS (+10.5, O/U: 42.5)

Dallas is our third straight “good” team that can only beat the bad teams and the Panthers are a very bad team. Carolina traded their first-round pick in the upcoming draft for the right to take Bryce Young. That 2024 pick looks more and more like the top overall selection, which will land whichever team that has it (the Chicago Bears) Caleb Williams. Considering Young might be third best (or fourth?) quarterback taken in this past draft, I’m convinced that the Panthers’ trade, and losing out on Williams while simultaneously overpaying for Young, will serve as a cautionary tale for every single future floundering NFL franchise to completely ignore. Cowboys 44, Panthers 10

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS AT SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (-11.5, O/U: 41)

It’s time to pretend all the 49ers problems are solved again as they completely boat race a nearly hapless Tampa Bay team. On the bright side for the Buccaneers, you’ll be one more loss closer to firing Todd Bowles. 49ers 38, Buccaneers 17

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AT LOS ANGELES RAMS (+1, O/U: 46)

How dominant have the Rams been over Seattle since 2017? The Seahawks have won five games over Los Angeles in that time frame, total, and two of those came last year when LA was fielding its D team and any quarterback who could grip a football. The one time a Geno Smith led Seattle team faced a Rams team that was even mostly healthy (Cooper Kupp was out), they were blown out 30-13. While this one might not be as lopsided, the result should be the same. Rams 34, Seahawks 23

NEW YORK JETS AT BUFFALO BILLS (-2.5, O/U: 42)

These aren’t the same Bills that New York knocked off with Aaron Rodgers crying into his ivermectin smoothie in Week 1. Oh no. It’s a much worse Buffalo team that just fired its hapless offensive coordinator, Ken Dorsey, proving to the Steelers fans that it’s possible to do that. You’d think that could toss the advantage back into the Jets, but I don’t think so. Interim offensive coordinator Joe Brady could very well provide the same kind of boost to the team, and Josh Allen, that firing a horrible head coach does (see this year’s Raiders, last year’s Panthers and the Raiders from two seasons ago). Bills 37, Jets 19

Last week

Straight up: 10-4

Against the spread: 10-4

Season

Straight up: 85-51

Against the spread: 75-61

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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