SATURDAY NFL FOOTBALL: WEEK 15

BY ADAM GREENE

We have Saturday NFL football, so let’s pick the games while making some of the most obscure jokes I can possibly think up. It’s been that kind of week for me.

MINNESOTA VIKINGS AT CINCINNATI BENGALS (-3.5, O/U: 38.5)

Location: Paycor Stadium, Cincinnati, Ohio

Broadcast: NFL Network

Kickoff: Dec. 16, 1 p.m.

A week ago the Vikings defeated the Las Vegas Raiders 3-0 in the lowest scoring NFL game in 16 years. I’m confident that Cincinnati can put up more points than a field goal. Jake Browning has played lights out in two starts. I’m not sure if he can make it three, but I do think he can outplay Minnesota rookie quarterback Jaren Hall, who’s slated to start Saturday and break his Fruit Ninja high score streak on his Microsoft Surface tablet. Bengals 27, Vikings 10

PITTSBURGH STEELERS AT INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (-2.5, O/U: 42)

Location: Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, Ind.

Broadcast: NFL Network

Kickoff: Dec. 16, 4:30 p.m.

Like so many games this season, and the second one on this particular NFL Saturday, it’s another battle of backups. This time it’s the Steelers and Mitchell Trubisky taking on the Colts and Garnder Minshew. As of this writing, Pittsburgh is the sixth seed in the AFC and Indianapolis is the seventh. I’m feeling the two teams will switch places after this game and the Steelers will drop out completely and for good after Sunday’s contests. Sorry, Mitchell. You’re about to lose sight of the playoffs, but you can still keep your eye on the sammich. That is, easily, the most obscure joke I’ve ever made here and if you got it without clicking the link first, we would definitely be friends in real life. Colts 17, Steelers 13

DENVER BRONCOS AT DETROIT LIONS (-5, O/U: 46.5)

Location: Ford Field, Detroit, Mich.

Broadcast: NFL Network

Kickoff: Dec. 16, 8:15 p.m.

I remember just two months ago when the Detroit fans were on top of the world while Broncos backers were ready to fall off the edge of that same world and mash their fingers. Oh yeah, that’s a deeper cut than the previous joke. The Mystery Science Theater 3000 callback above views this one as it’s grandfather. That’s how deep it goes and if you got it without hitting the link, we’re probably already friends. This is the kind of thing that happens when the NFL schedules Saturday games on the same day as every avocado, trucking company and obscure coffee spot sponsored College Bowl games. I can get a little loopy.

Anyway, the Lions have fumbled the bag recently along with the ball and I’ve seen more than one fans lament the future moment when Matthew Stafford brings the Los Angeles Rams into Ford Field in the NFC Wild Card Round to win his first playoff game in that particular venue. They’ve already written that in stone, but to make it happen Detroit will have to, at least, hold onto the third seed in the NFC. Luckily for them, the fourth seed belongs to the NFC South winner who might not enter the postseason with a wining record for the second year in a row. I like the upset, because if you just took their last eight games into account no one would view it as an upset. The Lions’ defense hasn’t given up fewer than 28 points over their last five games. Broncos 31, Lions 27

Last week

Straight up: 6-9

Against the spread: 6-9

Season

Straight up: 102-64

Against the spread: 92-74

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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