Friday Afternoon Quarterback: NFL Week 7

Alright, shut it down.

Let’s cut the lights. Shutter the windows. Patrick Mahomes hurt his knee and will be out for a while and none of us are into this whole NFL thing anymore.

FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 7
BY ADAM GREENE

It doesn’t matter if the Kansas City Chiefs aren’t your favorite team. It doesn’t even matter if you root for another AFC West squad and you hate them. Mahomes was primed to become the NFL’s Michael Jordan and now he’s sidelined with a dislocated kneecap.

And that was the good news.

Because it could have been a lot worse. And you can’t even blame his head coach Andy Reid or a dirty player on the Denver Broncos for the injury. It was a freak play on a fourth-and-one QB sneak, one superstar signal-callers run all the time. Tom Brady has made a career out of them and never so much as bruised his smoothie stirrer.

Mahomes MRI was good, but he’ll miss at least three games. Let’s hope that’s all it is because, like KC or not, we all want to see Kermit fling it.

Byes: Cleveland Browns, Pittsburgh Steelers, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Carolina Panthers

SUNDAY

ARIZONA CARDINALS AT NEW YORK GIANTS (-3, O/U: 50.5)

I would make a joke about this being another classic Kyler Murray vs Daniel Jones match up, but considering these guys are potential franchise quarterbacks, it might not be so funny in a decade. Giants 23, Cardinals 20

HOUSTON TEXANS AT INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (-1, O/U: 47)

It would be just like Bill O’Brien to lose this game after what should have been a season-defining victory over the Kansas City Chiefs. So, yeah. Bank it. Colts 24, Texans 20

MIAMI DOLPHINS AT BUFFALO BILLS (-17, O/U: 40.5)

We’ve apparently stepped through some kind of time vortex, because the last time the Bills were 17-point favorites Jim Kelly was firing passes to Andre Reed and Thurman Thomas could still button the collar on his shirt. Bills 20, Dolphins 13

MINNESOTA VIKINGS AT DETROIT LIONS (+2, O/U: 43.5)

At some point the refs have to stop screwing the Lions like they brought a groupon to the Midnight Bunny Ranch. Lions 27, Vikings 24

OAKLAND RAIDERS AT GREEN BAY PACKERS (-4.5, O/U: 46.5)

That’s a lot of respect from the books for a Raiders team that will lose by two touchdowns Sunday. Packers 38, Raiders 24

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS AT CINCINNATI BENGALS (+3.5, O/U: 43.5)

I’m starting to think Gardner Minshew doesn’t deserve a cult-like following. Also, this is a trap game for bettors and should scare everyone more than anything that happened in the Joker. Jaguars 20, Bengals 19

LOS ANGELES RAMS AT ATLANTA FALCONS (+3, O/U: 54.5)

Anybody else want to be a Los Angeles Ram? Any of these Falcons players want to trade jerseys before kickoff? It’s a welcoming place, L.A. Rams 38, Falcons 20

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS AT WASHINGTON REDSKINS (+9.5, O/U: 40.5)

The Redskins got their one win, they’re sticking with Case Keenum and Bill Callaham is still the interim head coach. I’ve never been this comfortable picking a game. 49ers 33, Redskins 10

LOS ANGELES CHARGERS AT TENNESSEE TITANS (-2.5, O/U: 41)

Here it is, the Anthony Lynn vs Mike Vrabel chess match we’ve all been waiting for. This game will go off-book immediately, as both men will eschew common moves like the Amar Opening or the Evans Gambit and instead go right to sticking the pieces up their noses. Titans 17, Chargers 14

BALTIMORE RAVENS AT SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (-3, O/U: 48.5)

Remember when I mentioned that the Ravens hadn’t beaten anybody? They still haven’t beaten anybody. Seahawks 27, Ravens 13

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS AT CHICAGO BEARS (-4, O/U: 38)

There are usually at least four playoff teams from the previous year who don’t make a return trip. The Bears are looking a lot like one of those squads. Saints 19, Bears 16

SUNDAY NIGHT

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES AT DALLAS COWBOYS (-2.5, O/U: 48.5)

It’s time for Jason Garrett to do that thing he always does for the last decade. As soon as it seems inevitable he’ll either get fired or, at least, not get a new contract, he’ll reel off enough wins to finish 10-6 and make the playoffs. Watch it happen. Cowboys 30, Eagles 24

MONDAY NIGHT

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS AT NEW YORK JETS (+10, O/U: 43.5)

This is a game truly deserving of a Booger McFarland color analysis. Patriots 24, Jets 20

THIS WEEK

AGAINST THE SPREAD: 1-0
STRAIGHT UP: 1-0

LAST WEEK

Straight up: 8-6

AGAINST THE SPREAD: 6-8
STRAIGHT UP: 8-6

OVERALL

AGAINST THE SPREAD: 47-45
STRAIGHT UP: 54-38

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