Crazy NFL Parlay: NFL Week 15

BY ADAM GREENE

We’re running out of weeks to cash in on a monster parlay so big we can spend the winter in the Caribbean. Week 15 presents a solid opportunity to not only capitalize on some late-season upsets, but maybe rent that beach house in Aruba, a place you only know exists because of the Beach Boys song.

The point of the crazy parlay is, as always, to shoot for the moon without just tossing your money down the nearest IHOP toilet. We’re buying a lottery ticket, not setting it on fire to light a blunt.

Here’s what I’ve got for you this week.

BEARS +180
TEXANS +140
PANTHERS +225
BRONCOS +395
DOLPHINS +146
JAGUARS +240
CARDINALS +135
FALCONS +395
COLTS +315

It’s a lot and they’d all be upsets, but a $5 bet on a moneyline parlay for all these games pays off $150,000. You could buy a brand new Porsche Boxter and still have $80 grand left over.

Now let’s talk ourselves into it.

The Bears are playing at the Green Bay Packers. Chicago’s defense has already shut the Pack down once this season, but got nothing from their own offense. Mitchell Trubisky has actually looked like an NFL quarterback for the last couple of weeks. This could easily be a 19-17 Bears win and not really affect Green Bay’s playoff positioning at all.

Would it be that big a shock if the Texans beat the Titans? Take Bill O’Brien out of the picture and you easily make this bet.

When teams fire their coaches in the midst of the season, they can usually pull a “where the hell did that come from?” game out of their ass. Who’s to say the Panthers won’t do that against the Seahawks Sunday?

Denver looked like one of the best teams in the league last week with a healthy Drew Lock. Kansas City just picked up their biggest win of the season, defeating the New England Patriots in Foxborough right before the Pats imploded with another cheating scandal. Is a let down out of the realm of possibility?

The only reason not to pick the Dolphins to beat the Giants is that Eli Manning is probably starting again. But what if he’s “second half against the Eagles” Eli for the whole game and Ryan Fitzpatrick decided to play his “throw five touchdowns” cheat code he deploys two or three times a season?

Frankly, the Jaguars should beat the Raiders and the Cardinals are due to win one against a better, but poorly coached team and no squad better fits that bill than the Cleveland Browns.

As for Atlanta upsetting San Francisco? The 49ers are in love with the smell of their own farts and the Falcons still have Julio Jones and Matt Ryan. Anything could happen.

Lastly, you’ve got the Colts winning on the road at New Orleans. It’s the game that turns this from a $52,000 payoff to triple that. Indianapolis has a solid defense, they can score points and maybe, just maybe, the hangover from last week’s shootout loss to San Fran can haunt New Orleans an extra week.

And then you’re sitting on a beach in Cabo, getting fanned with a palm frond with a brand new Porsche waiting for you back home in the garage.

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