Friday Afternoon Quarterback: NFL Week 17

By BetOnline December 27, 2019

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BY ADAM GREENE

This might be one of the most anticlimactic final weeks of the NFL season in years as only three teams, the Tennessee Titans, Pittsburgh Steelers and Oakland Raiders are vying for a final playoff spot.

All the rest are just playing out their schedules, already secured in where they’re going, whether it be the postseason or their couch.

Still, there’s games so let’s pick them.

SUNDAY

NEW YORK JETS AT BUFFALO BILLS (-1, O/U: 36.5)

Under normal circumstances this game would be an easy pick, but you have to believe that Sean McDermott isn’t going to put his team at any unnecessary risk before they can lose in the Wild Card round next week. BILLS 20, JETS 14

CLEVELAND BROWNS AT CINCINNATI BENGALS (+2.5, O/U: 43)

The Bengals have already clinched the top pick in April 2020’s draft and can now deliver the beat down, without remorse, that this pathetically coached Browns team rightly deserves. BENGALS 24, BROWNS 20

GREEN BAY PACKERS AT DETROIT LIONS (+12.5, O/U: 43.5)

The Packers are still playing for a first-round bye if not the NFC one seed, so, you know, sorry Detroit. PACKERS 31, LIONS 10

LOS ANGELES CHARGERS AT KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (-9, O/U: 45.5)

Is there any chance the Chargers will actually shock us Sunday night and make a much-deserved coaching change? Don’t count on it. CHIEFS 38, CHARGERS 23

CHICAGO BEARS AT MINNESOTA VIKINGS (+3.5, O/U: 35.5)

I hope when the Rams are watching the Vikings lose this game they kick all their own asses appropriately. BEARS 20, VIKINGS 17

MIAMI DOLPHINS AT NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-16.5, O/U: 44.5)

The Patriots are playing to keep a first round bye against a team that managed to screw up its own tanking plan. If this game was in Miami, I might actually be tempted. As it is, I think it’ll be closer than most people think. PATRIOTS 23, DOLPHINS 20

ATLANTA FALCONS AT TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (-1, O/U: 47.5)

In absolutely disastrous news for the Atlanta Falcons franchise, the team is reportedly bringing back Dan Quinn and general manager Thomas Dimitroff next season. Which, I guess, is good news if you’re the other teams in the NFC South. BUCS 27, FALCONS 24

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS AT CAROLINA PANTHERS (+13, O/U: 45)

Speaking of horrific ideas, the Saints brought in Antonio Brown for a workout this week and a team that plays in a city with that much voodoo swirling around might want to avoid that kind of juju. He’s cursed everything he’s touched this season. Including his own feet. SAINTS 38, PANTHERS 16

WASHINGTON REDSKINS AT DALLAS COWBOYS (-10.5, O/U: 45.5)

There’s still a shot, with an Eagles loss and win here, for the Cowboys to make the playoffs so if you have any faith in a higher power Dallas fans, you better look at what the Falcons just did and hit your knees and pray that doesn’t happen. COWBOYS 27, REDSKINS 20

OAKLAND RAIDERS AT DENVER BRONCOS (-3.5, O/U: 41)

Here’s what the Raiders need to make the playoffs. First off, they have to win, which they won’t. Next, both the Titans and the Steelers have to lose and, for some tie-breaking reason, the Indianapolis Colts have to beat the Jacksonville Jaguars. Then Oakland will earn the right to be crushed like a stinkbug under the Kansas-City’s T-rex foot. BRONCOS 26, RAIDERS 16

ARIZONA CARDINALS AT LOS ANGELES RAMS (-7.4, O/U: 48.5)

The Rams lost their game last week, so that means they have two good games coming up. It’s pretty much how it’s been all season. Too bad there are two games left. RAMS 34, CARDINALS 10

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES AT NEW YORK GIANTS (+4.5, O/U: 45)

The Giants could not only spoil the Eagles playoff plans, they could spoil Cowboys’ fans New Year’s hopes and dreams at the same time. EAGLES 30, GIANTS 13

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS AT JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (+3.5, O/U: 42.5)

Not that it’ll matter, but the Raiders can probably count this one in their playoff scenario when they can’t even count their own game. COLTS 17, JAGUARS 13

PITTSBURGH STEELERS AT BALTIMORE RAVENS (PK)

This is always a hard-hitting game that ends up with multiple players headed to the locker room. The Ravens would be smart to make sure the QB getting onto the cart in the third quarter is Robert Griffin III or this magical run will end before it even starts. STEELERS 23, RAVENS 20

TENNESSEE TITANS AT HOUSTON TEXANS (+3.5, O/U: 45)

The math is simple for the Titans, if they win, they’re in. The Texans can do nothing to change their playoff seeding, but they can play their starters all four quarters in this game to make sure they’re all banged up for the Wild Card round. So what do you think a dumbass like Bill O’Brien is going to do? Yeah, me too. TEXANS 30, TITANS 23.

SUNDAY NIGHT

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS AT SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (+3, O/U: 47)

If the 49ers win, they’re the top seed in the playoffs. If they lose, their the fifth seed and will travel to either Philadelphia or Dallas next week. If the Seahawks win, they’re the third seed and host the Vikings. If they lose, they’re the fifth and play at Dallas or Philadelphia. It’s kind of a no-lose situation for Seattle. SEAHAWKS 28, 49ERS 24