BAD BEATS: NFL WEEK 11

BY ADAM GREENE

There was no argument about this week’s Bad Beat. No multiple games that vied for Bad Beat supremacy. If anything, with the number of upsets continuing to mount for the third consecutive week, you could argue that the entire Week 11 slate of NFL games counted as a Bad Beat.

It has happened before.

You had the Indianapolis Colts running over the Buffalo Bills, 41-15 as Jonathan Taylor single handedly delivered fantasy football victories country wide with five touchdowns. The Baltimore Ravens and Cleveland Browns both won, but neither came close to covering. The Tennessee Titans had made an argument at being the best team in the AFC only to have that argument countered by an embarrassing 22-13 loss to the Houston Texans.

If anything, that was a worse beat for Houston as it knocked them down to the No. 4 overall pick in April’s draft.

The Arizona Cardinals B-team back ups embarrassed the Seattle Seahawks in front of the 12^th man and Cam Newton’s first start for the Carolina Panthers in two seasons was ruined by his old head coach Ron Rivera’s Washington Football Team.

But, ultimately, this time, like the Highlander facing off against the Kurgan at the time of the Gathering, there can be only one.

You already know the game I’m talking about, Los Angeles Chargers 41, Pittsburgh Steelers 37.

The line was Chargers -5.5, but they were at home. And while you knew that meant nothing, that the Steelers fans living on the left coast would still overrun the place and drown out the two LA fans in the building, Justin Herbert and his crew still got to spend the night before in their own beds. Use their own locker room. Eat their normal food and, hey, maybe those two Chargers fans (or guys who won tickets from a radio station) would be pretty loud. You never know.

Here’s the info you did have. All-Universe edge rusher TJ Watt wasn’t going to play and quarterback Ben Roethlisberger just came off the COVID-19 list. The team, without Roethlisberger last week and even with Watt for part of the game, ended in a 16-16 with the hapless and winless Detroit Lions, depriving all of human civilization of its first 0-17 NFL team.

Not only would Pittsburgh be without Watt, they’d also have cornerback Joe Haden in street clothes. There was a good chance those two chargers fans were going to have plenty to cheer about.

So you placed your bet on Los Angeles and early on you were in high spirits when the Chargers took a 14-3 lead. Pittsburgh answered back with a touchdown drive late in the second quarter only to surrender a quick field goal before the horn. LA was up 17-10, more than the points you needed.

So now you started thinking about what you were going to do with your winnings. Thanksgiving was coming up and you knew exactly what would surprise your family and maybe put your racist uncle in a diabetic coma before he could start trying to organize the children’s table into another assault on the United States Capitol Building. That giant Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup Pie.

Sure, they made 3,000 of them and they were immediately sold out at $45 a pop, but you knew there would be a secondary market for them. The demand was too high. This was the Thanksgiving version of a PS5 of X-Box Series X. Some people were buying them to sell them at a mark up. Yes, $100 would be a lot to spend on a massive Reese’s Cup, but the joy on your kid’s face, covered in chocolate and peanut butter from a three and a half pound confection of the gods would power you through all the Black Friday shopping you were hours away from being drug into.

As the second half started, the Chargers scored another touchdown, leading 24-10. The teams traded field goals and you were thinking one of these nearly four pound monstrosities might not be enough. I mean, you’ve watched your aunt put away a whole package of white chocolate covered Oreo’s while running the through plot of the latest Real Housewives of Poughkeepsie. Yeah. You needed two.

Herbert had your back, you thought, leading a seven play, 75 yard touchdown drive that put the Chargers ahead 34-20 with 8:48 to go. You had two touchdowns now. Time was surely and issue. All you needed was LA to not find a way to screw it up.

LA found a way to screw it up.

After surrendering a nine play touchdown drive to the Steelers, Herbert betrayed you, tossing an interception to Cameron Sutton on just the second play from scrimmage. Los Angeles led by seven, so now the defense had to hold for you to blow $200 on King Kong sized Reese’s Cups.

Two plays later, Pittsburgh was in the end zone and the game was tied. It was the worst possible scenario. With 4:23 left, the Chargers could play for the field goal and leave you with some store brought lame ass pie as your thanksgiving contribution. At this point, they might not even have the good stuff left. You might end up with black cherry or rhubarb.

And when the Steelers took the 37-34 lead with a 3:24 to go, you knew there would be no accidental peanut butter on your chocolate. LA would play for the tie with a field goal or the win with a touchdown, but, either way, there’s no way you’d cover -5.5.

No one would get four pounds of chocolate and peanut butter for thanksgiving. At this point, they’d be lucky if there was some kind of meringue at best.

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan

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