Bad Coach Power Rankings: NFL Week 15

BY ADAM GREENE

It’s time again to look at the coaching performances around the league from the previous weekend and hand out our awards. That award, of course, a flaming bag of dog crap. Each of these men, through their mistakes, their mismanagement and general ineptitude has earned that burning sack of canine excrement the hard way. By sucking at a job he’s paid millions of dollars to do.

First off, some congratulations are in order. We have some guys that have dropped out of the list this week due to victories. Anthony Lynn’s Los Angeles Chargers delivered a throughout panhandle beat down on the Jacksonville Jaguars, so he slides out of the Top Five. And while Dan Quinn’s Atlanta Falcons and Freddie Kitchens’ Cleveland Browns were both favored in their respective games, neither man did anything moronic to screw it up and lose what should have been gimme victories. So, good job, I guess.

5. JON GRUDEN, OAKLAND RAIDERS

When you sign a 10-year, $100 million contract there are certain expectations. One of those expectations is to not field a terrible team two years in a row. That’s exactly what Gruden as done in Oakland and there’s no one more responsible than he is.

This is his hand-picked squad. You could argue he got stuck with the guys he took the field with last season, but not this year. He and general manager Mike Mayock made the deals, crafted the roster and put together a coaching staff that has not, for even a single week of the 2019-20 season, seriously competed for the AFC West.

You can blame Derek Carr all you want, but who would Gruden bring in to replace him? The guy lived with Rich Gannon and Brad Johnson in his two previous head coaching stints and I’d take Carr over both of them.

Head coaching record: 105-100
Chance of being fired: 0 percent
Last week: Unranked

4. BILL O’BRIEN, HOUSTON TEXANS

Just when you think the Texans might be able to outplay Bill O’Brien’s terrible coaching and make the most of a loaded offensive roster this season, he goes and soils his Depends against the Denver Broncos at home.

O’Brien is the AFC’s answer to Mike McCarthy. There’s too much offensive and defensive talent on his team (and his quarterback is too good) for his team to lose consistently and expose him even to the dumbest of owners. As long as Deshaun Watson is the QB, this team will always be capable of 11 or more wins, but will more likely win nine or 10 games a year because the only thing O’Brien is worse at than coaching, is general managing.

Head coaching record: 50-43
Chance of being fired: 0 percent
Last week: Unranked

3. MATT PATRICIA, DETROIT LIONS

When you were handed a team that Jim Caldwell (who was garbage, make no mistake) could consistently go 9-7 with and you’ve yet to even crack .500, maybe you should turn in your whistle and play chart. This whole NFL head coaching thing isn’t for you.

Patricia is hampered by injuries to Matt Stafford and that would affect any coach in Detroit, but the problem is the defense is terrible and that’s what the team hired him to fix in the first place. If a defensive coach can’t put a defense together, how the hell does he have a job?

Head coaching record: 9-19
Chance of getting fired: 90 percent
Last week: Unranked

2. PAT SHURMUR, NEW YORK GIANTS

Speaking of former coordinators who can’t seem to get it together as head coaches, Pat Shurmer should be that particular subject’s Wikipedia entry.

When you win more games in Cleveland than you do in New York, you certainly aren’t on a coaching upswing. You could toss out the excuse that starting a rookie quarterback most of the year hit the skip on this season for Shurmur and the Giants anyway, and that could be the case. But what has anyone in the Giants organization seen out of Shurmur, either creatively or as a leader of men, that gives them hope?

Let’s be honest here. The Giants probably won’t win another game this season and they just have three more tries. That means that if Shurmur doesn’t get fired and goes 13-3 over the next three seasons, he’d still have a losing overall coaching record at 56-57.

Head coaching record: 17-45
Chance of getting fired: 60 percent
Last week: No. 5

1. JASON GARRETT, DALLAS COWBOYS

And here we are. Another week, another home loss where his team came in as the favorite. There’s no saving Garrett now. There’s no more excuses to give. The man can clap until his hands bleed, it’s of no use.

Garrett has so thoroughly squandered his opportunity with the Cowboys and completely wasted one of the most talented rosters in the NFL that it should rightly keep him from getting even a position coach job in the NFL again for the foreseeable future. He should exiled down the coaching line to someplace like NCAA Division II Limestone.

Either way. His time in Dallas has come to an end. Jerry Jones would be smart to go ahead and toss him down the Augustus Gloop chocolate shoot today.

Head coaching record: 83-66
Chance of getting fired: 99 percent
Last week: No. 4

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