CRAZY NFL PARLAY: WEEK 1

BY ADAM GREENE

If this is your first time visiting the Crazy NFL Parlay, pull up a mushroom and have a seat. Ignore the giant caterpillar smoking the bong and the guy in the crooked hat that looks like he’s tweaking off Heisenberg quality blue meth. That cat that sometimes disappears just leaving his big, creepy, smiling mouth? He’s harmless. Focus on me.

Because we’re not all mad here. We are crazy as bedbugs and we are going to attempt to use that insanity and our knowledge not only of the NFL, but in its unpredictable nature to capitalize on something completely wackadoo happening Sunday. And use that to buy ourselves a houseboat.

We have what is, honestly, perhaps the best Crazy Parlay slate in my three seasons of writing this article.

Look at these moneylines:

Steelers +230

Jets +172

Eagles +157

Colts +142

Bengals 133

Browns +207

Dolphins +155

Saints +153

Raiders +172

That right there is an objet d’art. We might not see a group of legitimate upset possibilities like that again this season. That’s the beauty of Week One. Nobody really knows what to expect.

If you’ve read my Friday Afternoon Quarterback article (and if you haven’t, go ahead, we’ll wait), then you know that I already like the Jets, Bengals and Dolphins to all win outright, upsetting the Panthers (who are worse than everyone thinks), the Vikings (who are as bad as everyone thinks) and the Patriots (who are not bad, but read the article. I spell it out pretty well).

If you’ve gone ahead and taken a look at my MNF preview, then you know that I see that game going haywire for the favorite too, with the Ravens and their geriatric running back corps falling to the Raiders and their DC Gus Bradley, who has shut down that offense before. That’s four out of the nine right there that I legit think will win with no coercion whatsoever.

So let’s talk ourselves into the rest.

The Steelers are playing a very good, but very hyped up Buffalo Bills team. A Bills team with tons of potential Super Bowl expectations weighing on them, in addition to Josh Allen’s massive new contract. Pittsburgh was one of the AFC’s best teams last year and only added more weapons on both sides of the ball, including the best running back in the draft. Can you see Ben Roethlisberger pulling off this miracle in Buffalo when it’s still summer weather? Not to mention the fact that the Bills have created some solid bad karma by threatening to move?

The Indianapolis Colts are at home, they were a playoff team last season and have a great defense with a solid pass rush. Russell Wilson complained about his offensive line all offseason and all the Seattle Seahawks did was bring the same dudes back. The last time Carson Wentz got playcalls from Frank Reich, he nearly won an NFL MVP.

In the 2020-21 AFC Divisional Round, the Browns went toe-to-toe with the Chiefs the whole game, nearly pulling off the upset at the end. Kansas City did improve their offensive line, but this is still a new unit, facing one of the best pass rushes in the league. And KC has no one on their defense than can cover Odell Beckham Jr. Cleveland was a play away a year ago. How fired up should that make them for this game?

Finally, we have Jameis Winston making his official starting QB debut with the Saints. The Packers are in a dome, where they’ve not always been great. All the drama you could possibly have in the offseason, minus a murder (which, sadly has happened to other teams in the past), happened in Green Bay. They’re trying a Last Dance and that’s a ton of pressure. Meanwhile New Orleans has an elite NFL defense and all Winston has to do is half his interceptions and he’ll be back in the Pro Bowl. He could, and has, thrown for 500 yards and five touchdowns in a game. This could be one of those games.

A $10 winning bet on this nine team moneyline parlay will pay you $70,063.73.

Yeah. That’s how you build a Crazy Parlay. The NFL is back, baby.

The NFL season is underway and the Week 1 Schedule is up and taking bets at BetOnline.AG.

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