CRAZY NFL PARLAY: WEEK 17

BY ADAM GREENE

This is it, our final week to take the predictably chaotic nature into our hands and craft it into a big pile of cash which we can exchange for fabulous gifts and prizes. Once the playoffs start there will be no Crazy Parlays, not shots in the dark or lottery tickets. Outside of whoever wins the NFC East, any of these teams could realistically take the title in the AFC and NFC.

And I say that realizing the Kansas City Chiefs are probably going to win it all. But you never know what could happen. Just look at how badly COVID-19 is hitting teams with must-win games coming into this week. If you had Alvin Kamara on your fantasy football team, you’re lucky your championship was in Week 16. Because this week, he’s out while the New Orleans Saints vie for a first round bye and NFC home field.

It is in this churn of potential disaster we wade, trying once again to turn the price of a Starbucks order into a Ford Focus.

As usual, feel free to take these parlay suggestions and build your own out of them. I usually do that myself, but there’s something to be said for shooting for the moon in our final week of the season. You know what they say, if you miss you’ll still hit that Tesla that Elon Musk shot into outer space and send it rocketing into the nearest satellite to shut down our entire national defense grid. So go for it!

Here are my handmade, artisanal selections this week;

Giants +107

Jets +135

Falcons +250

Bears +170

49ers +265

Rams +160

Ravens at Bengals over 44

Chargers at Chiefs under 44

If you’ve already read this week’s Friday Afternoon Quarterback, then you know I like the New York Giants to outlast the Dallas Cowboys, the New York Jets to keep their useless win streak intact over the New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams to take advantage of a quarterback not tossing the ball to the other team to knock off the Arizona Cardinals.

Let’s talk ourselves into the rest of them. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have already secured a playoff spot and, at this point, are basically playing for a five seed to secure a Wild Card round match up with the NFC East winner. This is just the time for the Atlanta Falcons to do something stupid and win a shootout, especially if they can keep from taking an early significant lead in the process.

If the Chicago Bears win, they’re likely in the playoffs (barring a Rams-Cardinals tie, I think), so they have a lot to play for. The Green Bay Packers are already in the playoffs and, by the time the fourth quarter of this one rolls around, could already have it locked up if the Saints and Seahawks stumble. They could be doing some scoreboard watching and get caught.

The San Francisco 49ers have been a tough out for everyone and all they can do at this point to Seattle is ensure they remain the third seed.

As for the totals, the Ravens have been a solid bet on the over all season when playing an inferior team like the Bengals. The Chiefs play down to everyone even with Patrick Mahomes on the field. Chad Henne is basically a white flag in this one as KC is just trying to escape the week without hurting a starter.

A $10 parley bet on these selections pays $16,250.26. That’s good enough for any economy level sedan, but, maybe more importantly, a trip to Hawaii or someplace fantastic once you and your family are vaccinated and the world goes back to normal.

And that is my New Year’s wish for you.

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