It’s time again to buy the NFL’s version of a lottery ticket, using the predictable unpredictability of professional football to our advantage, in the hopes of turning the price of a Venti Mocha Frappuccino from Starbucks into a loaded brand new BMW 5 Series.

If you’re new to the idea of the Crazy Parlay, here’s the quick rundown. We’re not just throwing darts and big moneylines hoping to hit. We are piling up plus moneylines we think have a real shot of winning. Sure, it’s a longshot. But that’s why they pay so well.

This week, I have again perused the available lines, money and otherwise, to craft for you the perfect Crazy Parlay that, if everything goes just right, will pay off all your student loans and you can still buy that giant milkshake coffee when you’re done.

Here they are:

Bengals +115

Raiders +250

Dolphins +165

Eagles +132

Vikings +165

Falcons +530

Titans +241

Cowboys +143

Yeah. Stare at those really hard. If you’ve already checked out my Friday Afternoon Quarterback NFL Picks column, and you should (go ahead, we’ll be here when you get back) then you know a couple of these I already like. I think that the Cincinnati Bengals are going to handle the Chicago Bears as that team waffles between quarterbacks. I see the Tennessee Titans (and especially Derrick Henry) getting their season right back on track in an upset over the Seattle Seahawks.

The rest? We’re going have to talk ourselves into them. So let’s do it.

The Las Vegas Raiders just had what could have been a season defining Monday Night Football win over the Baltimore Ravens. This is year four for Jon Gruden and the Silver and Black. Maybe they’ve put it together? Maybe sticking one on their classic rivals, the Pittsburgh Steelers, would show that to the world?

The Miami Dolphins paid off for us last week in an upset that should never have been viewed as such. This is a good team, a 10-6 squad last year that nearly made the playoffs. The Buffalo Bills are coming in stunned, dropping their home opener and playing a long road game.

As for the Philadelphia Eagles? I have no idea what’s happening there, but I do know that the Detroit Lions gave the San Francisco 49ers all they could take last week. And the Eagles looked pretty fantastic in lambasting the Atlanta Falcons. The Eagles are a safe bet to be better than the Lions, so therefore much more trouble for the Niners.

Speaking of the Falcons, as bad as they looked last week, this team has the offensive talent to attack the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ weakness on the back end. Last year, they were swept by Tampa in the final month of the season, but their first loss was just by four points. The Bucs couldn’t stop the Cowboys. They could have similar problems with Matt Ryan, Calvin Ridley and Russell Gage.

The Arizona Cardinals had a monster win over the Titans last week. And  maybe it was too convincing. Perhaps they’ve been reading all their press clippings this week. An overconfident team playing a Minnesota Vikings squad with Adam Thielen, Justin Jefferson and Dalvin Cook could be in for a shock.

And, lastly, the Cowboys were a couple of missed field goals away from knocking off the defending Super Bowl champs a week ago. Is it too hard to see them actually getting the job done against the Los Angeles Chargers, a team that finished 7-9 in 2020?

A $10 winning parlay bet on these eight moneylines pays $63,991.10.

And that, my friends, is what the Crazy NFL Parlay is all about.

The NFL season is underway and the Week 2 Schedule is up and taking bets at BetOnline.AG.

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