CRAZY NFL PARLAY: WEEK EIGHT

BY ADAM GREEENE

For us, the goal in the Crazy NFL Parlay remains the same, even halfway through the season. We want to turn a piddling amount of cash into the deep end of a Scrooge McDuck Money bin, complete with life guard and diving board.

We’ve picked out the 1950s swimsuit tank and shorts combo. We’ve got our bathing cap on and prepping to dive face first into a pile of money feeling nothing more than the waves of cash washing over our faces. Who says we learned nothing from 90s cartoons?

But, as always, there’s one hiccup to our money bin swim team plan; a week of hotly contested NFL football games. Sure, you could buy a lottery ticket or scratch off and hope for the best, but where’s the skill in that? That leaves far too much to chance. No, we want to earn our DuckTales adventures and master the NFL picks as we do it.

As always, the point of the Crazy NFL Parlay isn’t just to toss a dart and hope for the best, which is why we’re being forced to skip the big plus plays Sunday like the New York Jets at +1150. The only way that one will pay off is if the Kansas City Chiefs accidentally get locked out of the stadium. And even then, I wouldn’t risk it.

Here’s what I’ve picked out for us this week:

Lions +130

Patriots +182

Raiders +115

Steelers +176

Broncos +160

Bears +175

49ers +131

If you’ve already checked out the latest Friday Afternoon Quarterback, then you know I’ve picked the Las Vegas Raiders, Pittsburg Steelers, Denver Broncos and Chicago Bears to win straight up.

Now I just have to talk us into the rest of them.

The New England Patriots are down and Cam Newton hasn’t been the same since he got back from COVID-19 isolation, but up to this point Bill Belichick’s deal with the devil has been ironclad. Would any of us be shocked to see the Pats come out on top against a suddenly hot divisional foe? Honestly, they’d do it just to piss everyone off.

As for the Detroit Lions upsetting the Indianapolis Colts, Philip Rivers has joined his old buddy Drew Brees in the “I don’t know what this is gonna look like” club when he drops back to pass. Matthew Stafford, on the other hand, is single-handedly keeping the Lions in games and head coach Matt Patricia employed. Plus, they’re playing in Detroit and the line has already dropped to -2.5.

Lastly, I’m with you thinking it would be tough to see the Seattle Seahawks dropping consecutive games, but I have little doubt they’ll split with the San Francisco 49ers this season. The Niners are coming off back-to-back huge wins, Jimmy Garoppolo is probably as healthy as he’s been and they have the defensive front to make a mess of Wilson’s kitchen all day, even without Nick Bosa.

A $20 bet on this parlay pays $12,693.72 and you can buy that Sun Tracker Bass Buggy 16 XL pontoon boat with the 20 ELPT FourStroke Mercury engine you’ve saved in your web browser under the “tax info” bookmark to hide it from your spouse because some dreams aren’t for sharing.

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