FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 18

BY ADAM GREENE

This is it, our final week of the NFL regular season. It’s hard to believe we’re already here. It feels like just yesterday that the season started and karma popped Aaron Rodgers’ calf in the most ironic injury moment in NFL history and the season officially kicked off.

The man is a 9/11 and anti-vaxxer playing for a team in New York, owned by the family who made one of the COVID-19 vaccines and his injury happened on the anniversary of 9/11 right after he himself brought out the United States flag to commemorate it. It was as if Rodgers was being punished for being his own Achilles heel. For someone like Rodgers, who pretends he likes to listen to the “universe,” it feels like the lesson delivered there was ignored thoroughly. Though, I will say, universe, you really did some good work there. No notes.

We have an interesting playoff bracket ahead of us. Two teams are clearly favored and should be — the Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers, but they’re both beatable and have proven it, even over the last two months. Anything could happen and the key this year for every NFL franchise, is just get into the tournament and roll the dice.

Well, we have a few spots still open and while the Saturday and Prime Time games will do much to settle who gets them, there’s still something to play for in our mid-day Sunday contests. So, let’s pick them!

ATLANTA FALCONS AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-3, O/U: 41.5)

Math tells us that the Falcons are still alive for the playoffs entering this game and if the sky rains fire, the seas boil and turn into blood and horses start talking, it could happen. As for New Orleans, they have a realistic path to the postseason with a win and a Buccaneers loss and, frankly, it would be the worst thing to happen to this franchise since Sean Payton decided he’d rather build ships in bottles instead of lead the team through a rebuild. Dennis Allen has an argument to be kept if the Saints finish with a winning record, by I implore New Orleans to ignore that argument. As for Arthur Smith, he better already have his U-Haul packed. Saints 23, Falcons 17

CLEVELAND BROWNS AT CINCINNATI BENGALS (-7, O/U: 37.5)

Ignored in a lost season for the Bengals, and there was no saving it with Jake Browning (even though he delivered a solid tease for a few games that he might) is the importance of upcoming free agent Tee Higgins to this offense and how good a job Zac Taylor has done as a head coach. With a franchise quarterback out (making a franchise quarterback’s cap-eating salary), Cincy can still finish with a winning record with a win over the Joe Flacco-less Browns. As for Cleveland, they’re simming to the postseason and scouring every antique shop in the state for a magic lamp containing a genie with which to use all three wishes to get out of the Deshaun Watson contract. Bengals 24, Browns 13

NEW YORK JETS AT NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-1.5, O/U: 30.5)

I have no idea who New York is starting at quarterback because, apparently, Zach Wilson is officially out. Will it be Trevor Siemian? Brett Rypien? The guy that mows my yard? All solid options. As for the Pats, they currently sit in a quarterback spot in April’s draft, picking third after picking up their 12^th loss of the season last week against the Buffalo Bills. There’s only one way to screw it up and cost themselves a shot at Drake Maye or Jayden Daniels. But, hey, through Bill Belichick the Super Genius everything is possible, so jot that down. Patriots 26, Jets 16

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS AT TENNESSEE TITANS (+3.5, O/U: 40)

The math is simple for the Jags. If they win this game, they’re the AFC South champions and secure the No. 4 seed in the AFC playoffs. If they lose, they could still do that, still get in the playoffs, or get a head start on all the offseason meth cook off that everyone in Florida does in their free time. As for Tennessee, Mike Vrable should have even more opportunities, leading up to the draft, to be a jerk to his local beat writers. God knows a kid fresh out of college making $20,000 a year for a dying newspaper deserves it. Jaguars 27, Titans 20

MINNESOTA VIKINGS AT DETROIT LIONS (-3.5, O/U: 45.5)

While there’s still a chance, an icy snow-covered Hell’s chance, that Minnesota can make it into the playoffs, the Lions are playing for nothing in this one. For most teams, that would mean resting starters, making sure you open the postseason as healthy as you could hope. Will Dan Campbell do it? No chance in that same frosty Hades. Lions 41, Vikings 13

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS AT CAROLINA PANTHERS (+4.5, O/U: 37.5)

I’ve mentioned my old archenemy math multiple times in this article, but here it is for the Bucs. If they win, they’re in the playoffs and NFC South champions. The math for the Panthers? A $300,000 fine on their stupid owner for tossing a drink on a Jaguars fan last week. They’ve already secured the No. 1 overall pick… for the Chicago Bears. Buccaneers 38, Panthers 17

DALLAS COWBOYS AT WASHINGTON COMMANDERS (+13, O/U: 46)

By putting this game, and the Philadelphia Eagles contest, both in the 4:30 block, the NFL has ensured that both teams will play their starters and their NFC East opponents will both be railroaded out of the stadium. Dallas just needs to win this game and they’re the NFC East champions and two seed in the NFC. Not even Mike McCarthy can screw this up, right? Right? I’m not confident, but I’m picking them anyway. Cowboys 31, Commanders 23

LOS ANGELES RAMS AT SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (-4, O/U: O/U: 41)

Here it is, the Carson Wentz vs Sam Darnold quarterback duel we’ve been waiting all season to watch. Los Angeles is resting all its key starters with the exception of Puka Nacua, who will take a well-deserved seat after breaking the rookie wide receiver catches and yardage record. That last one has been on the books since the 1960s. As for the Niners, Brock Purdy and Christian McCaffrey will sit out, but they’re apparently letting a few key guys like Deebo Samuel get some snaps. It can’t be a lot and while the smart money is rightly still on San Francisco here, I’m going with the Rams because the universe needs them to play at the Detroit Lions in the Wild Card round and a win here is the only way to guarantee that happens. And, as I wrote earlier, the “universe” has already made its presence known this season. Rams 27, 49ers 23

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES AT NEW YORK GIANTS (+5, O/U: 42)

There’s fumbling the bag then there’s what the Eagles have done in the latter quarter of the season, which looks like Mr. Bean walking through a room full of banana peels holding a steaming 10-gallon pot of chili while trying to make it to the bathroom before his morning fiber gummie kicks in. The Giants are simming to the draft and should be, looking at Russell Wilson’s availability or doing their best to move up in the draft. You’d think that would make them easy pickings for Philly, but I thought that last week when they got knocked out by the Arizona Cardinals. Still, I’m picking them. Eagles 24, Giants 20

CHICAGO BEARS AT GREEN BAY PACKERS (-3, O/U: 45)

To keep their playoff spot, the Packers must win this game. They were in the same position a season ago, hosting the Detroit Lions with future Jimmy Kimmell litigant and victim of his own hubris Aaron Rodgers at quarterback and still lost. Matt Eberflus is coaching for his job and Justin Fields is showcasing his talents for another team. Obviously the Pack have owned Chicago over the last… I don’t know, generation or so. But I like the Bears here. Bears 23, Packers 20

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AT ARIZONA CARDINALS (+3, O/U: 47.5)

After defying my prediction that they would not enjoy a winning record after their loss to the Cowboys a few weeks ago, the Seahawks are back at .500 with an outside shot at the playoffs and a real opportunity to finish 9-8. All they have to do is beat the Cardinals in Arizona and it will be hilarious when they don’t do it. Cardinals 27, Seahawks 20

DENVER BRONCOS AT LAS VEGAS RAIDERS (-2.5, O/U: 38)

Two teams that will enter the offseason desperately searching for their next quarterback face off here. The Broncos have decided to consciously uncouple from Russell Wilson and will eat his contract. Vegas is already in the midst of eating Derek Carr’s contract, so they’re a year ahead in their QB contract disaster and, as such, could make a real push for Kirk Cousins. So, do they care what happens here? Sure. Because Antonio Pierce wants to keep this job. Sean Payton is safe, regardless of whatever Subway sandwich artist he tosses onto the turf next season. I’m betting there could be a trade for Tayson Hill in the works and the Saints can’t pick up that call fast enough. Raiders 20, Broncos 13

KANSASA CITY CHIEFS AT LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (-3.5, O/U: 35.5)

For the first time in his career Patrick Mahomes will play a road playoff game… if the Chiefs win in the Wild Card round. As they are playing for nothing here, they’re resting their generational talent at quarterback and Kansas City will unleash Blaine Gabbert upon the hapless Chargers, who couldn’t care less what happens in this game. In fact, if I’m running the show there, I’m crossing my fingers and hoping for a loss. Jim Harbaugh would love to have the higher draft capital when the team hires him after Michigan wins the national championship. Chiefs 24, Chargers 16

Last week

Straight up: 13-3

Against the spread: 10-6

Season

Straight up: 137-77

Against the spread: 120-94

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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