Has Tim Ryan Ever Watched A Football Game?

BY ADAM GREENE

In case you missed the news, the voice of the San Francisco 49ers, Tim Ryan, was suspended for this weekend’s game against the New Orleans Saints for saying something so profoundly stupid that I’m shocked Donald Trump didn’t immediately retweet it.

In trying to explain how the team in which he broadcasts for could lose to the Baltimore Ravens 20-17 last Sunday, Ryan, in between, I’d imagine, popping wedges of brie and sipping on a Sauvignon Blanc, announced that he’d figured it all out. He’d studied the film and deciphered exactly what was so different about quarterback Lamar Jackson and what makes him so difficult to defend.

Jackson, you see, is black.

I know. Right? Stop the presses! Hit that “x” button in your browser to keep the rest of the page from loading so you can take in this important information that you, the NFL fan, is learning for the first time.

Here’s what Ryan discovered that the rest of us, not currently downing a Chardonnay followed by a cube of Asiago somehow missed.

“He’s really good at that fake, Lamar Jackson,” Ryan said on KNBR’s critically acclaimed sports information, sommelier and fromager broadcast called… (checks notes)… ‘The Murph & Mac Show’ Monday. “But when you consider his dark skin color with a dark football with a dark uniform, you could not see that thing.”

Yes. I hope you’re all sitting down, because Tim Ryan certainly is because he has nothing better to do. Apparently, according to the “Voice of the Niners” Tim Ryan, Lamar Jackson is the first African American in all of history to play football.

I know. I am as shocked as you are. How else can you explain how any ballcarrier in the NFL’s history is ever located and tackled carrying one of these invisible “dark” footballs? Lamar Jackson has broken the league’s color barrier in 2019. He’s desegregated the league, finally, here in the 21st century and Tim Ryan is the guy that’s blown the lid off all of it.

I have news for Tim, who, as a guy that’s paid to watch and talk about a weekly football contest to people on the radio who have no desire to hear Chris Myers and Moose Johnston wax poetically about fullback blocking techniques, not only have African Americans played professional football for a while now, since at least 1902 when Charles Follis suited up for the Shelby Steamfitters, but they currently hold at least 70 percent of every player position in the league.

Jackson isn’t even the first black guy to play quarterback in the NFL and certainly isn’t the first to run a fake. That would be Marlin Briscoe, who played for the Denver Broncos in 1968.

That, I’m sure is all news to Tim Ryan, who I guess just thinks that Richard Sherman, Emmanual Sanders and most of the Niners team just have really deep tans and maybe sweet endorsement deals with Hawaiian Tropic.

TONIGHT’S GAME

DALLAS COWBOYS AT CHICAGO BEARS (+3, O/U: 42.5)

As much as the Bears have struggled this season, nobody seems to be calling for head coach Matt Nagy’s head as the blame has fell squarely on his quarterback, Mitchell Trubisky. That’s not what’s happening in Dallas. The Cowboys are too good to keep playing so bad, so the law of averages say they get the job done tonight. COWBOYS 24, BEARS 13

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