With Week 5 in the books and Week 6 on the horizon, it’s time to see how the 32 NFL teams arbitrarily stack up.
1. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (5-0)
Up next for the Pats; the Giants, the Jets (again), the Browns and then the Ravens (who might not be good). What I’m saying is, they’ll probably be No. 1 for a while.
Last week: 1
2. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (4-1)
Teddy Bridgewater has kept Drew Brees’ seat comfortably warm and gotten the Saints through two of their toughest games with victories. Of course, these were home contests. The Jags and Bears on the road my cause a stumble.
Last week: 4
3. GREEN BAY PACKERS (4-1)
Do you think Green Bay regrets making a coaching change? You can tell how great a head man Mike McCarthy was by how quickly he got snatched up by another team. Of course, I’m talking about the team at Golden Corrall, where McCarthy is currently on his third plate of strip steak.
Last week: 6
4. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (4-1)
Week 5 was time for all the power teams to look mortal. I’ve got a feeling the Chiefs will be powering right back up the rankings.
Last week: 2
5. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (4-1)
Russell Wilson is performing at such an insane level he might just celebrate by adopting another one of Future’s kids.
Last week: 7
6. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (4-0)
I don’t know if the 49ers proved they were for real, Monday, but they definitively proved the Browns aren’t.
Last week: 9
7. LOS ANGELES RAMS (3-2)
Fun fact: The Rams have only lost two games in a row under McVay one time before last Thursday. And it was the final game of the 2017 season, where they started back-ups and the Wild Card round playoff loss to the Atlanta Falcons the next week. I’m saying, don’t just ship just yet.
Last week: 3
8. BUFFALO BILLS (4-1)
Sean McDermott is dragging this team to the playoffs with one of the weakest rosters in the league. What would he do with 22 actual NFL starters?
Last week: 10
9. DALLAS COWBOYS (3-2)
I’ve got the same advice for people looking to dump the Cowboys. This team was down 31-3 with 3:30 to go in the third quarter and had a chance to pull within a touchdown with a little less than two minutes to go until Brett Maher missed a 33-yard field goal. The Jets will make it all better Sunday.
Last week: 5
10. DETROIT LIONS (2-1-1)
Are the Lions actually good? Is Matt Patricia the first Bill Belichick underling that actually knows what he’s doing?
Last week: 11
11. BALTIMORE RAVENS (3-2)
The AFC is so bottom heavy with winless teams that the Baltimore Ravens look good by default.
Last week: 12
12. CHICAGO BEARS (3-2)
It’s a good week for a bye to not only work on the offense, but get Mitchell Trubisky healthy… and to work on his offense, specifically.
Last week: 8
13. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (3-2)
The Eagles have three road games against the Vikings, Cowboys and Bills in a row, before home games against the Bears, Patriots and Seahawks. They’re not a bad team, but they could easily be 3-8 after that stretch.
Last week: 13
14. HOUSTON TEXANS (3-2)
The Texans are getting the Chiefs at exactly the wrong time, at home and after a loss.
Last week: 14
15. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (3-2)
It seems almost impossible to believe that the only reason Frank Reich is the Colts’ head coach is because Josh McDaniels backed out at the last minute. If he muscles this team to the postseason, he should be coach of the year.
Last week: 18
16. CAROLINA PANTHERS (3-2)
Here’s a little fun news bit out of the Panthers’ resurgence and the play of quarterback Kyle Allen. His best, most helpful coach and game prep assists come from Cam Newton, the guy whose job he’s probably taking.
Last week: 19
17. OAKLAND RAIDERS (3-2)
The Raiders have a bye week so they have plenty of time to check the police blotter and crime beats to scout players to replace Vontaze Burfict and eventually, let’s be honest, Richie Incognito.
Last week: 23
18. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (3-2)
Kirk Cousins apologized to Adam Thielen last week then sent him a bouquet of footballs Sunday as a peace offering.
Last week: 21
19. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (2-3)
A one-score loss on the road to fellow QB legend Kyle Allen won’t stop the Legend of Gardner Minshew, where he threw for 374 yards and two touchdowns, but was stip-sacked to end the sure-fire comeback. It’ll only make it grow.
Last week: 20
20. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (2-3)
Two games in a row without an interception for Jameis Winston. Has he turned a corner or is he throwing five against Carolina Sunday. That’s a bet I wouldn’t take.
Last week: 22
21. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (2-3)
Only Anthony Lynn could take a team this talented to the bottom of the AFC West.
Last week: 15
22. TENNESSEE TITANS (2-3)
No team in the NFL this season will cost people more money than the Titans. There’s no predicting how they’ll play or what they’ll do, just than when January rolls around, they’ll all be on their couches.
Last week: 17
23. CLEVELAND BROWNS (2-3)
New coach, new roster, same Browns.
Last week: 16
24. NEW YORK GIANTS (2-3)
Can Daniel Jones pull an Eli Manning against the Patriots Thursday night?
Last week: 24
25. DENVER BRONCOS (1-4)
In the preseason I picked the Broncos to go to the AFC Championship game. Then they started 0-4 and I gave up on them completely. Of course, that’s when they won and, really, should win this Sunday too.
Last week: 27
26. ARIZONA CARDINALS (1-3-1)
The Cardinals victory says a lot more about the Bengals than it does about the Cardinals.
Last week: 28
27. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (1-4)
Spirited effort against the Ravens, especially after Mason Rudolph got his teeth rearranged late in the game. It says all you need to say about the state of the Steelers that Rudolph couldn’t even ride off in the cart because it broke down in the middle of the field.
Last week: 25
28. ATLANTA FALCONS (1-4)
It turns out that Dan Quinn wasn’t the first head coach fired this season, so at least there’s that.
Last week: 26
29. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (0-5)
Yes. The Redskins fired Jay Gruden and I moved them up two spots specifically because of it.
Last week: 31
30. NEW YORK JETS (0-4)
Sam Darnold is back from mono this week, but he still has to be careful. Ringworm is going around.
Last week: 30
31. CINCINNATI BENGALS (0-5)
As A.J. Green on the trading block? It’s like the Bengals are finally taking this tanking job seriously.
Last week: 29
32. MIAMI DOLPHINS (0-4)
Of all the weeks to get the Redskins to show up on the schedule, you get a guaranteed post-Gruden beatdown.
Last week: 32
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