NFL Football Power Rankings for Week 7

1. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (6-0)

Ric Flair always said, to be the man, you’ve got to beat the man, but at least he’d match up against Dusty Rhodes or Sting every once in a while. The Pats’ schedule is all Bill and Randy Mulkey and if you get that reference, maybe it’s time to schedule a colonoscopy.

Last week: 1

2. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (5-0)

That’s awful early bye for a real contender, but the 49ers have the inside track on the NFC West unless the Rams start trading for every superstar player in the league.

Last week: 6

3. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (5-1)

Dropping the Saints after a road win over the legend of Gardner Minshew hardly seems fair, but a win over the Bears Sunday can fix that.

Last week: 2

4. GREEN BAY PACKERS (5-1)

There’s luck and then there’s ref assisted luck. The Pack benefit from both.

Last week: 3

5. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (5-1)

Russell Wilson continues to drag this team to the finish line on his tiny, oompa-loompa back in spite of Brian Schottenheimer’s playcalling.

Last week: 5

6. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (4-2)

The blueprint to beating the Chiefs is out there. Be a good team that doesn’t screw up and catches them on the right day. This football thing is like science.

Last week: 4

7. BUFFALO BILLS (4-1)

Josh Allen should be back and the Bills are playing the Dolphins. They’ll remain in the Top 10 is what I’m saying.

Last week: 8

8. LOS ANGELES RAMS (3-3)

The sky isn’t falling, but the Rams are turning over the roster like it’s the MLB trade deadline. Fun fact: L.A. now has the Jags’ 2014, 2015 and 2016 first round picks.

Last week: 7

9. HOUSTON TEXANS (4-2)

If you had told me a week ago that Bill O’Brien would out-coach Andy Reid on offense, I would have turned you into HR for showing up drunk to work.

Last week: 14

10. BALTIMORE RAVENS (4-2)

A win in Seattle would really show something. Specifically, it would show that the entire Seahawks team came down with Sam Darnold’s mono.

Last week: 11

11. CHICAGO BEARS (3-2)

Is Mitchell Trubisky coming back this week? Does it matter?

Last week: 12

12. DETROIT LIONS (2-2-1)

Everybody wants to complain about the refs, but the Detroit Lions should file a class action lawsuit.

Last week: 10

13. CAROLINA PANTHERS (4-2)

You can’t stop Kyle Allen. You can only hope to contain him.

Last week: 16

14. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (4-2)

The Vikes’ receivers complained and suddenly the offense has opened up and they’re winning games. Maybe wideouts shouldn’t be so reserved and quiet all the time. Take a lesson here, NFL.

Last week: 18

15. DALLAS COWBOYS (3-3)

I predicted a win over the Jets. Little did I know that Sam Darnold would give every Cowboy defender a mono-infected pre-game swirly.

Last week: 9

16. OAKLAND RAIDERS (3-2)

Jon Gruden had an extra week to prepare his team for a sound defeat at the hands of the Packers.

Last week: 17

17. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (3-2)

The Colts had an entire bye week to wish Andrew Luck was still playing for the team.

Last week: 15

18. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (3-3)

What is it about the last two NFC Super Bowl teams this year? If it’s any consolation for the Eagles, at least they won theirs.

Last week: 13

19. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (2-4)

Devlin Hodges won his first start for the Steelers, so there’s another quarterback the Jaguars can trade for and not use.

Last week: 27

20. DENVER BRONCOS (2-4)

My prediction of a Broncos surge after I jump off what was, I’ll admit, a very lonely bandwagon gains steam.

Last week: 25

21. ARIZONA CARDINALS (2-3-1)

This is going to be an exciting team in a year or two that will still not make the playoffs in a loaded NFC West.

Last week: 26

22. NEW YORK JETS (1-4)

Have I run out of Sam Darnold mono jokes already? Damn.

Last week: 30

23. CLEVELAND BROWNS (2-4)

They showed up to play in Seattle last Sunday. Unfortunately, so did the Seahawks.

Last week: 23

24. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (2-4)

With the trade of Jalen Ramsey to the Rams, the Jags are officially L.A.’s Triple-A team.

Last week: 19

25. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (2-4)

And the running clock on Anthony Lynn’s head coaching career officially starts.

Last week: 21

26. TENNESSEE TITANS (2-4)

Here’s Ryan Tannehill to the rescue, right? Right?

Last week: 22

27. NEW YORK GIANTS (2-4)

That wasn’t a bad first half against the Pats last Thursday. Too bad you had to play a second.

Last week: 24

28. ATLANTA FALCONS (1-5)

If ever there was a week not to play the Rams, this is it. Dan Quinn, maybe dust off that resume.

Last week: 28

29. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (2-4)

Three weeks ago people were talking about Jameis Winston stepping up. Not even a month later, we’re talking about Jameis Winston stepping in it.

Last week: 20

30. WASHINGTON REDSKINS (1-5)

There’s your one win for the first two months of the season, Redskins. Hope you enjoyed it.

Last week: 29

31. CINCINNATI BENGALS (0-6)

I would say that the Bengals are looking forward to the bye, but they’d probably still be a two-score underdog.

Last week: 31

32. MIAMI DOLPHINS (0-5)

What’s with the Fitzpatrick appearance, Dolphins? There’s no use in trying now.

Last week: 32

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