NFL POWER RANKINGS WEEK 1

BY ADAM GREENE

Lo and behold the first week of the 2023-24 NFL season is upon us and much like George Costanza when the leaves start to change, we’re shifting into soup mode.

With the schedule kicking off in around 24 hours as the defending Super Bowl Champion Kansas City Chiefs host the upstart Detroit Lions, there’s one important task we all must take upon ourselves.

We must arbitrarily rank these teams, from 1-32, based on the criteria that exists only in our football fevered minds. I have been more than up to the task.

1. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (0-0)

I like to open the Power Rankings every year with one of my favorite quotes from former WWE/WCW World Champion Ric Flair, “To be the man, you gotta beat the man.” The Chiefs open the year as the favorites to win the AFC and the Super Bowl and Patrick Mahomes the favorite for MVP. And they should be. Though the road gets considerably tougher if All-Universe tight end Travis Kelce misses significant time after hyperextending his knee in practice this week. Last season: No. 1

2. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (0-0)

The Eagles were a bad Jalen Hurts fumble in the first half away from winning Super Bowl LVII. It just shows how narrow the margin of victory in the NFL is and destinies and legacies can be decided in literal seconds. Just ask Matt Ryan and the Atlanta Falcons. You can’t blow these opportunities and you have to wonder if Philadelphia will suffer that Super Bowl loser hangover so many teams face the following year. Luckily, by scheduling five teams that finished 2022-23 with losing records in their first six games, Philadelphia should get off to a fast start. Last season: No. 2

3. CINCINNATI BENGALS (0-0)

For the last two seasons the Cincinnati Bengals have been the Buffalo Bills we’ve all been looking for. For them to take the next step, meaning winning a Super Bowl, it would behoove Cincy to win homefield advantage in the AFC playoffs. The Chiefs have played every single playoff game at home since Mahomes took over as the starter. If there’s a quarterback on the planet that’s proven he can do it, it’s Joe Burrow. And only Joe Burrow. Last season: No. 3

4. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (0-0)

San Francisco already ruined my bold predictions this season, or at least part of one. I wrote that not only would Brock Purdy get benched and Sam Darnold take over the Niners for a playoff run, but that Trey Lance would make at least one start for the team. Now, I guess Lance will have to make that start in Dallas as San Fran traded him away to the Cowboys for a handful of magic beans. What I really think will happen is that San Fran will regret making that trade, for pennies on the dollar, before the Christmas decorations go up. Last season: No. 4

5. BUFFALO BILLS (0-0)

While the Bengals may be the Bills we’ve been looking for, it doesn’t mean Buffalo is bad. What they must contend with this year is the Stefon Diggs situation, however that’s going to be resolved, and the fact that more people, especially at running back, need to get involved with their offense. Only the Baltimore Ravens rely more on their QB to make freakish athletic plays with his arms and legs than the Bills. Buffalo needs to expand what they do in the running game because, as the years roll on, the injuries to Josh Allen might pile up and if he misses any time at all, they’re doomed. Last season: No. 5

6. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (0-0)

After getting a forced redshirt due to a disastrous rookie season under the inept head coach of Urban Meyer, Trevor Lawrence blossomed in year two under new head coach Doug Pederson. If the Jags were in the NFC, we’d be talking about them being a Super Bowl contender and potential NFC Championship team. Unfortunately, they’re in the AFC and will probably hit a brick wall in the divisional round. That’ll be the story for a lot of good teams over the next few seasons. Last season: No. 6

7. BALTIMORE RAVENS (0-0)

Speaking of the Ravens, no one knows exactly what to expect from new offensive coordinator Todd Monken’s attack in Baltimore. What’s exciting is, because Monken won’t be stupid enough to run Lamar Jackson directly into the shark’s mouth on every play, we might get to see one of the best players on the planet play all season long. Last season: No. 7

8. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (0-0)

The Justin Herbert hype train can only take us so far. Yes, the kid has a ton of talent and the Chargers fans, all four of them, should be ecstatic that he’s their quarterback. But Herbert needs to start winning some playoff games, not just fantasy football championships. Last season: No. 8

9. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (0-0

I’m still in the middle of the Netflix Quarterbacks documentary and, like everyone else, impressed with how Kirk Cousins presents himself. I like that he’s a nerd, his wife is a nerd and his approach to quarterbacking, even taking care of his body, is especially nerdy. And, yes, I did see all the game balls Cousins collected with Prime Time wins. But I still believe Prime Time Kirk is a thing. Last season: No. 9

10. DALLAS COWBOYS (0-0)

For the sake of Dak Prescott and every Dallas Cowboys fan on the planet, I hope this is the highest I have this team ranked this season. Nothing is more frustrating than watching Mike McCarthy waste another uniquely talented team and potential MVP of a quarterback. Last season: No. 10

11. MIAMI DOLPHINS (0-0)

Managing Tua Tagovailoa’s health is imperative for plenty of reasons, the most important being his long-term cognitive processes. Less importantly, if this team has a chance to make a return trip to the playoffs and maybe go deeper than the Wild Card Round, they can’t do it without their 2020 first round QB. Last season: No. 11

12. NEW YORK GIANTS (0-0)

Brian Daboll may have saved Daniel Jones’ career in his first season at the helm of the Giants. Now can Daboll make the whole team take that other step in a weakened NFC? Last season: No. 12

13. DETROIT LIONS (0-0)

The last time the Lions had this much buzz entering the season, Barry Sanders was probably on his way to the Pro Bowl and around 1,800 yards. Last season: No. 15

14. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (0-0)

Last season the Steelers kept Mike Tomlin’s streak of never recording a losing season intact. This preseason, they’ve looked like the best team in football. I’m splitting the difference and saying this is probably a playoff team. Last season: No. 16

15. NEW YORK JETS (0-0)

To say Aaron Rodgers instantly made over the New York Jets is an understatement. This team is basically an A-Rodge cult now. What’s even more interesting is that, while New York didn’t want to do HBO’s Hard Knocks, they produced the absolute best season of that series to date. Last season: No. 25

16. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (0-0)

Of all the teams I’m convinced won’t return to the playoffs in 2023-24, the Seahawks are the Charlie Brown-iest. Last season: No. 13

17. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (0-0)

The NFC South is there for the taking, especially with the addition of Derek Carr to the Saints offense. Of course, minus Carr, you could have said the same thing about last season. Last season: No. 17

18. CLEVELAND BROWNS (0-0)

Speaking of the Brown-iest Browns, this might be the most talented team they’ve fielded since they came back to life in 1999 and not a single human being on the planet is talking about them. Last season: No. 22

19. LOS ANGELES RAMS (0-0)

The eulogies have been read, TAPS has been played and the funeral procession is heading down the middle of the street. Yet, I think the reports of the Rams’ demise has been greatly exaggerated. And I think they show just how exaggerated early. Last season: No. 24

20. TENNESSEE TITANS (0-0)

Last season head coach Mike Vrabel won his power struggle with former general manager Jon Robinson. With that new power, Vrabel used it to trade up to draft… Will Levis? Last season: No. 21

21. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (0-0)

Here we are at the precipice. In just 18 weeks we’ll know exactly how much of a disaster this current New England team is and how thoroughly we’ll get to enjoy Bill Belichick scowl his way through Hard Knocks next season. Last season: No. 18

22. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS (0-0)

Once again Josh McDaniels has run off a good quarterback to replace him with one he coached in New England. The bright spot is, Jimmy Garoppolo and Derek Carr are probably a push. The not so bright spot is that McDaniels is probably the worst head coach in the league. Last season: No. 26

23. DENVER BRONCOS (0-0)

The Sean Payton reclamation project with Russell Wilson officially commences this weekend and none of us are sure what’s going to happen. I’m going 60-40 that DangeRuss gets competent again. Last season: No. 28

24. WASHINGTON COMMANDERS (0-0)

It’s been an exciting preseason for the Commanders as they’ve built a lot of false hope for a team that will vie for the No. 1 overall pick at season’s end. Last season: No. 20

25. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (0-0)

One thing is for sure as Anthony Richardson begins his career with the Colts. Whether it’s a garbage fire or everything works out perfectly, we’ll all be watching. Last season: No. 30

26. CHICAGO BEARS (0-0)

We’re still a year away from Justin Fields winning anything other than Fantasy Football championships, but the Bears should be entertaining enough for Scott Hanson to pocket the apologies when he tosses to them on NFL Red Zone. Last season: No. 31

27. GREEN BAY PACKERS (0-0)

I saw Kyle Brandt compare the Packers without Aaron Rodgers to The Office without Michael Scott and, yeah, that checks out. Last season: No. 19

28. HOUSTON TEXANS (0-0)

For the first time in three seasons I’m not convinced that the Texans should go 0-17. 1-16, sure, but not 0-17. So, you know, good job guys! Last season: No. 32

29. ATLANTA FALCONS (0-0)

I’m seeing a lot of preseason love pointed at the Falcons, but I’m not feeling that lovable. I think Bijan Robinson will be good too, but no running back is “turn around a franchise” good. Plus, I think Arthur Smith will be the first head coach fired. Last season: No. 27

30. CAROLINA PANTHERS (0-0)

The Bryce Young era officially begins Sunday in Carolina. The Panthers could shock some teams late, but I don’t think this is a squad that will compete for anything other than a Top 10 pick this season. Which is good. They need the picks. Last season: No. 23

31. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (0-0)

Speaking of head coaches that could be fired, Todd Bowls is tied with Mike McCarthy for the odds-on favorites to be the first head coaches fired in 2023. That’s not exactly the vote of confidence from fate you want as you enter the season with Baker Mayfield as your starting quarterback. Last season: No. 14

32. ARIZONA CARDINALS (0-0)

Ah, at last we come to the Cardinals. I have a feeling Arizona and the No. 32 spot in the rankings will become very acquainted, if not downright besties this year. The only question Arizona should have at season’s end is if they want to cut bait with Kyler Murray and role with Caleb Williams or ship off the top overall selection for a bevy of draft picks. Last season: No. 28

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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