It’s grade card time again, and while we’re passing out or usual As, Bs and Fs, we do have a few incompletes. It’s still early in the season and, while I don’t feel like the rankings could flip, there’s always a mirage or two in September.
We’ve had some significant jumps, a new No. 1 (as you would expect) and probably the lowest ranking for a Kansas City team since Patrick Mahomes took over as starting quarterback.
1. LOS ANGELES RAMS (3-0)
It was a 10-point win over the defending Super Bowl Champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers, but midway through the third quarter it wasn’t that close. No Rams QB has started as hot as Matthew Stafford since Kurt Warner in 1999 and we all know how that turned out. This was exactly the kind of game that made the Rams cut the deal for Stafford and send Jared Goff packing and he delivered. Last week: No. 2
2. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (2-1)
They were handled by the Rams, but I can’t justify dropping them more than a spot. The Bucs are getting more banged up by the week, with multiple players getting knicked up Sunday. It didn’t help that Antonio Brown missed the game on the COVID-19 protocol because he’s unvaccinated. Hard to believe a guy like that would make a selfish decision that would hurt his team in a big game, I write sarcastically. The good news is, help is on the way in the secondary as Tampa just signed free agent Richard Sherman Thursday. Last week: No. 1
3. BUFFALO BILLS (2-1)
If the Bills needed a wake up call to shake off all their preseason hype, that Week 1 loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers seemed to have done the trick. The last two weeks Buffalo looks exactly like one of the three best teams in football. And maybe the best team in the AFC now. Last week: No. 5
4. ARIZONA CARDINALS (3-0)
Arizona has shot up the rankings and you can thank their schedule, but that Week 1 win over the Tennessee Titans still looks pretty good to me. They’ll get the chance to prove what they’ve got Sunday when they face their fellow undefeated NFC West co-leading Rams. Last week: No. 7
5. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS (3-0)
I ran the numbers and Derek Carr is on pace to throw for 6,817 yards this season. That would blow by Peyton Manning’s 2013 record by nearly a full mile. You can argue that he’ll be playing a 17th game, and you’re right. But Carr’s 16 game pace is still 6,416 yards, nearly a thousand more than Manning’s 5,477 NFL record. Last week: No. 8
6. GREEN BAY PACKERS (2-1)
There was a thought out there that Aaron Rodgers might have checked out after filling the bed with excrement in Week 1 against the New Orleans Saints. Cocky Rodgers showed up last week against the Detroit Lions, but the guy that knocked off the San Francisco 49ers Sunday night was an assassin. Before that 37 second scoring drive, Rodgers had a career sub .500 record against the Niners. Last week: No. 12
7. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (2-1)
Losing to Aaron Rodgers in a moment like that, with barely half a minute to go, is a psychological blow, but San Francisco played toe-to-toe with the Packers the whole way. And Jimmy Garoppolo isn’t ready to surrender his job just to Trey Lance just yet. Last week: No. 3
8. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (1-2)
Before this season, Patrick Mahomes had never lost an NFL start in September. Now he’s lost two in a row and the Chiefs are dead last in the AFC West. That’s what six turnovers in two games, two coming in potential gamewinning drives, will get you. Last week: No. 4
9. CLEVELAND BROWNS (2-1)
For the last couple of seasons the Browns have been a hype machine that’s struggled to deliver. Now, this year, with actual expectations, all they’ve done is show up and win the games they’re supposed to and nearly win the game they weren’t (a 33-29 loss to Kansas City in Week 1). That’s a recipe for playing a long time after Christmas. Last week: No. 10
10. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (2-1)
Justin Herbert just delivered the biggest win of his life for the Chargers, which is good news for his team, but bad news for franchises looking for a QB. What guys like Herbert and Burrow (and Patrick Mahomes, Dak Prescott and Russell Wilson before them) can do in their rookie and second seasons are not what you can expect form new QBs. You can’t draft this on purpose. You just have to pull the trigger and hope. LA has won the lottery here. Last week: No. 14
11. BALTIMORE RAVENS (2-1)
Baltimore is a dumb KC fumble and a horribly missed delay of game call away being 0-3, so I’m not ready to switch up my preseason bold prediction just yet. But I will say that Lamar Jackson, when they let him play the real position, is getting it done. Completing that 4th and 19 was an unreal moment that set up an even more unreal finish. Last week: No. 11
12. DENVER BRONCOS (3-0)
The Broncos have been helped by a schedule against teams currently a combined 0-9, but it’s about to get a lot tougher as they host the Ravens before getting into their AFC West schedule. Like the Cards, we’ll find out if they’re for real soon enough. Last week: No. 12
13. TENNESSEE TITANS (2-1)
Like the Bills, Tennessee shook off a Week 1 trouser wrecking to cruise past a couple of 2020 playoff teams to get their season right back on track. This week they have the Jets, so it’s pretty much a bye. If you have Derrick Henry in fantasy, congratulations on your Week 4 victory. Last week: No. 15
14. DALLAS COWBOYS (2-1)
Mike McCarthy is letting Kellen Moore run the offense and Dan Quinn run the defense, which just leaves him the opportunity to screw up in managing the game. Luckily for him, the Eagles made that part easy Monday night. Last week: No. 16
15. CAROLINA PANTHERS (3-0)
There are teams that live and win by the mantra, “Nobody believes in us.” Well, I have to tell you, I do not believe in this team. But a win over Dallas Sunday will make me change my mind. Last week: No. 17
16. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (1-2)
With the 49ers this week and the Rams next week, the Seahawks are staring hard at a possible 1-4 start. After that, it’s the Pittsburgh Steelers and New Orleans Saints and there’s no reason to look at either of those teams as pushovers either. Russell Wilson might need to cook, but right now it looks like he’s working in a middle school cafeteria. Last week: No. 6
17. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (1-2)
I’m not sure what to expect with the Steelers now. There are open calls to bench Ben Roethlisberger. Big Ben has answered by delivering possibly one of the funniest and worst plays of his life. Here’s what I do know; this team is traveling to Green Bay to take on a deadly Packers team and no one is predicting an upset. Last week: No. 9
18. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (2-1)
Jameis Winston with a full coaching staff on the sideline is 2-0 with seven touchdowns and no picks. That COVID protocol will determine how far this team goes. Last week: No. 20
19. CINCINNATI BENGALS (2-1)
Cincy is a pick six away from being 3-0. The Jaguars Thursday night shouldn’t be a test, but this is exactly the kind of game the old “Bungles” would drop in front of a (somewhat) national audience. Last week: No. 24
20. MIAMI DOLPHINS (1-2)
Jacoby Brissett did that thing he does. Play just good enough to lose while costing bettors across the country as much money as possible. Last week: No. 18
21. WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM (1-2)
Taylor Heinicke was feeling himself a little too much after a win over the Giants in Week 2. Sure, he deserves a shot at being the starter, but let’s focus on winning some games first. Last week’s match up against Buffalo was an “L” when the schedule came out, but this week, at Atlanta, is Heinicke’s chance to shine. No. 22
22. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (1-2)
Our rookie QB’s are 1-9 so far this season, with the lone victory coming for Mac Jones when he went head to head with Zach Wilson. These guys didn’t look like projects in the preseason. They all do now. Last week: No. 19
23. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (1-2)
The Eagles came into Monday night’s game a mystery and remain a conundrum. Jalen Hurts threw a hideous pick six and that possible Deshaun Watson trade has to be looking better by the minute. Last week: No. 21
24. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (1-2)
Every year Kirk Cousins is good for one “How in the world is Kirk Cousins playing this great?” type game. We all watched it happen against the Seahawks. Last week: No. 27
25. ATLANTA FALCONS (1-2)
I’ve got a feeling this is who the Falcons are going to be all year. A team that kills survivor pools and parlays, win or lose. Last week: No. 28
26. CHICAGO BEARS (1-2)
I’m not ready to call for Matt Nagy’s head just yet, unlike the rest of NFL punditry. Maybe there was a reason the Justin Fields gameplan looked as bad as it did. Fun fact: Justin Tucker’s 66 yard NFL record field goal was 19 yards more than the Bears gained in total offense Sunday. Last week: No. 23
27. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (0-3)
As the Colts sit here 0-3, you have to wonder why they risked even further injury with Carson Wentz Sunday in a game that never felt in doubt. If Jacob Eason isn’t good enough to spot start as their No. 2, then why the hell is he their No. 2? Last week: No. 25
28. HOUSTON TEXANS (1-2)
The good news for the Texans is, nearly a month into the season, the Deshaun Watson market has to be heating up. I can’t imagine the folks in Philadelphia aren’t making a call right now. Last week: No. 26
29. DETROIT LIONS (0-3)
Of all the Detroit Lions ways to lose a game, getting screwed on a no-call on a delay of game penalty then giving up an NFL record winning field goal for the second time in your team’s history, is the most Detroit Lions method any of us could have imagined. Last week: No. 30
30. NEW YORK GIANTS (0-3)
Reportedly, as the Giants lost to the Falcons, New York owner John Mara attacked a couple of trash cans. Considering he actually knocked two of them over, he’s probably good enough to start on his own defense Sunday against the Saints. Last week: No. 29
31. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (0-3)
Urban Meyer probably wasn’t happy that Broncos head coach Vic Fangio spilled the beans on his “the NFL is like playing Alabama every week” comments, but that was a nice Iron Bowl Kick 6 reenactment Sunday. It was at least enough to get you off the bottom of the rankings. Last week: No. 32
32. NEW YORK JETS (0-3)
As good a hire as Robert Saleh looked, there’s just so much work to be done here. Looking at New York’s schedule, there’s probably a win there, but none I’m brave enough to pick. I thought that the Texans might be the NFL’s first 0-17 team in the preseason. Now, as we’ve kicked off the real games, the Jets are a serous contender. Last week: No. 31
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