USFL WEEK 3 PREVIEW & PICKS

BY ADAM GREENE

If you thought this year’s version of the USFL would look like last season’s you’ve enjoyed a nice surprise. While the Birmingham Stallions remain the class of the league, the formerly atrocious Michigan Panthers suddenly look as if they’ve seen a football before and know what it’s used for. It’s been really something.

But it’s not just fun to watch happen. We can use the odds, lines and totals available to really make our entire experience worthwhile.

USFL POWER RANKINGS

1. BIRMINGHAM STALLIONS (2-0)

How do you follow up an impressive USFL title defense in Week 1? By beating a team by 40 points in Week 2. Birmingham is looking, in every way, like they’ll hoist the USFL trophy in back-to-back seasons. Last week: No. 1

3. NEW ORLEANS BREAKERS (2-0)

The Breakers’ offense continues to pick up where they left off last season, outlasting the suddenly formidable Houston Gamblers in a shootout to keep their record perfect. The defense, on the other hand, did not show up at all. Last week: No. 3

3. MICHIGAN PANTHERS (2-0)

The Mike Nolan era in Michigan continues to shame Jeff Fisher, wherever he’s hiding at the moment. The Panthers have already matched their entire 2022 win total thanks to a double-digit victory of last season’s USFL runner up, the Philadelphia Stars. Last week: No. 4

4. NEW JERSEY GENERALS (1-1)

It’s hard to tell if the Generals fixed anything wrong with their team from the USFL’s opening week because they faced off against the Pittsburgh Maulers, which, at this point, is basically just an NFL Combine workout against open air. Last week: No. 5

5. PHILADELPHIA STARS (1-1)

The Stars got a serious wakeup call last Sunday, falling to the previously hapless but now suddenly formidable Michigan Panthers. The road to the USFL Playoffs is significantly less clear for them this year. Last week: No. 2

6. HOUSTON GAMBLERS (0-2)

Houston’s offense showed up last Saturday, but the defense apparently lost the directions to the stadium. The Gamblers remain winless in 2023 after losing an entertaining shootout to the New Orleans Breakers. Last week: No. 7

7. MEMPHIS SHOWBOATS (0-2)

If Todd Haley wants to remain employed in the USFL, he’s going to have to do a lot better than the offensive display his hapless Showboats unleashed a week ago. Memphis was completely shut out on offense and would have put up a goose egg if not for a safety in the third quarter in a blowout loss to the defending USFL Champion Birmingham Stallions. Last week: No. 6

8. PITTSBURGH MAULERS (0-2)

The only reason the pathetic Maulers didn’t put on the worst offensive display of Week 2 is thanks to their kicker. Pittsburgh is now 1-11 over its first two seasons and that win column numbers doesn’t look as if it’ll change anytime soon. Last week: No. 8

SATURDAY

NEW ORLEANS BREAKERS AT BIRMINGHAM STALLIONS (-6, O/U: 48)

New Orleans remained sharp on offense, though their defense might need some work. The Breakers outlasted the Houston Gamblers 38-31 to keep their record spotless two weeks into the season. McLeod Bethel-Thompson went 23 of 34 for 251 yards, two touchdowns and no interceptions in the win. He also scrambled for eight yards. Wes Hills rushed 18 times for 110 yards and three touchdowns. Sage Surratt caught 11 passes for 121 yards and a score. Johnnie Dixon caught four passes for 52 yards. Greg Eisworth II finished with eight tackles. Nevelle Clarke and Shaheed Salmon each had five tackles, with Clark adding a tackle for a loss and Salmon recording two for a loss. Jarey Elder, Alex Thomas and Vontae Diggs got four tackles apiece, with all three nabbing an interception and a pass defense.

The Stallions opened up Week 2 looking even better than they did in Week 1, completely obliterating the Memphis Showboats in every phase of the game, winning 42-2 last week. Alex McGough had a phenomenal day, arguably scoring nearly every single point in the contest since he was sacked in the end zone for the only score Memphis put on the board. McGough was 21 of 28 for 301 yards, four touchdowns and no interceptions for a 149.0 quarterback rating. He added six scrambles or 32 yards. Zaquandre White rushed eight times for 72 yards and two scores. Marable finished with 16 carries for 68 yards. Jace Sternberger caught five passes for 127 yards and a touchdown. Khalil Davis caught four for 47 yards and a TD. Austin Watkins hauled in three balls for 42 yards. Myron Mitchell caught four passes for 32 yards and a touchdown. Thaddeus Moss had just one reception for a seven-yard touchdown. On defense, Jordan Thompson and Lorenzo Burns wrapped their night with six tackles apiece, with Thompson adding one for a loss and Burns posting a pass defense. Rashad Smith and Nate Holley had five tackles each, with Smith recording two sacks and one tackle for a loss.

What a game to open our Week 3 with as the Breakers might be the only USFL South team to even be in Birmingham’s league. They’ll have to prove it to me live for me to pick it. For now, I’m sticking with the horses. Stallions 30, Breakers 26

MEMPHIS SHOWBOATS AT HOUSTON GAMBLERS (-3, O/U: 44)

In what had to be a humiliating display for everyone involved, the Showboats were completely shut down on offense, falling 42-2 to the Birmingham Stallions last Saturday. It was an offensive performance that might have set football back about 100 years or so. Brady White was 15 of 25 for 141 yards, no touchdowns and one interception in the shameful loss. He added two rushes for 12 whole yards. Alex Collins led the team in rushing with 11 carries for 37 yards. Vinny Papale caught five passes for 42 yards. Anthony Butler recorded eight tackles and a pass defense. Stephen Griffin had seven tackles and Jermaine Kelly, Jr. and TJ Neal posted six tackles apiece, with Neal recording half a sack. Jeremiah Valoaga had three tackles, one sack and one tackle for a loss.

They kept it interesting the whole way, possibly putting up their best offensive performance in the history of their franchise, but the Gamblers still fell, 38-31, to the New Orleans Breakers last Saturday. Kenji Bahar was a little too generous with the ball, ruining what might have been his best day passing for Houston. He finished 18 of 30 for 266 yards and three touchdowns, but tossed three interceptions in the process. He rushed one time for nine yards. TJ Pledger led the team with 18 carries for 94 yards and a TD. Justin Hall caught eight passes for 110 yards and two scores. Anthony Ratliff-Williams hauled in four passes for 95 yards and a score. Manny Bunch finished with 11 tackles and one for a loss. TJ Tyler ended his night with nine tackles and one for a loss. Donald Rutledge, Jr. and Khalan Tolson wrapped their shift with eight tackles apiece.

Alright. I could come up with any excuse to say that Memphis makes this a game, but Houston actually scored touchdowns last week. The Showboats apparently stayed in the locker room the entire time. Gamblers 30, Showboats 10

SUNDAY

PITTSBURGH MAULERS AT PHILADELPHIA STARS (-6.5, O/U: 43.5)

If you thought the Maulers looked awful last week, they asked, as a franchise, for you to hold their Iron City Beer because they were a pile of dog excrement in Week 2. Pittsburgh fell 20-3 to the New Jersey Generals. Troy Williams was at least efficient at quarterback, if not completely ineffective, finishing 11 of 16 for 70 yards, no touchdowns and no interceptions. He scrambled twice for 13 yards. James Morgan took snaps as well and was even worse, going 8 of 14 for 54 yards, also with no TDs, but he did throw a stupid pick. Madre London rushed 10 times for 38 yards. Isiah Hennie caught nine passes for 53 yards. Josh Simmons had four grabs for 23 and no other player had more than one reception. On defense, it won’t shock you, they put up some stats since they were playing it most of the game. Kyahva Tezino led the team with 15 tackles, two for a loss and a pass defense. Bryce Tornedon and Arnold Tarpley III had six tackles each, with Tarpley III recording a pass defense. Mark Gilbert and Terry Beckner had five tackles apiece, with Gilbert knocking down a pass.

The Stars faceplanted last Sunday, getting embarrassed by the Michigan Panthers, 24-10. Case Cookus did not have his best day at quarterback, going 29 of 44 for 283 yards, no touchdowns and two interceptions. He scrambled twice for 12 yards. Matt Colburn II rushed nine times for just 23 yards, but he did score a touchdown. Devin Gray caught eight passes for 67 yards. Jordan Suell had four receptions for 63 yards. Corey Coleman hauled in seven balls for 59 yards. Diondre Overton had three grabs for 49 yards. Gabriel Sewell, Jr. finished with eight tackles. Cody Brown had six tackles and two passes defended. Amani Dennis recorded five tackles, two interceptions ad two passes defended.

The battle of Pennsylvania doesn’t have as much cache as the quadrennial NFL version, but it’s happening and Pittsburgh will be there unless their bus breaks down completely. Which, honestly, might be the best thing that could happen. Stars 24, Maulers 10

NEW JERSEY GENERALS AT MICHIGAN PANTHERS (-4, O/U: 44.5)

New Jersey posted their first victory of the young USFL season thanks to a match up with what might be the worst team on the planet. And considering we all just watched 10 weeks of Orlando Guardians XFL football, that’s really saying something. The Generals knocked off the hapless Pittsburgh Maulers 20-3 last Sunday. De’Andre Johnson was an efficient, if not spectacular, 9 of 13 for 100 yards. He added four rushes for 12 yards. Dakota Prukop took some snaps at quarterback, going 4 of 8 for 36 yards and a touchdown and scrambled once for nine yards. Darius Victor led the team rushing with 15 carries for 71 yards and a score. Cam Echols-Luper caught four passes for 57 yards. Braedon Bowman hauled in two passes for 44 yards. Chris Orr led the team with 10 tackles, a sack and a tackle for a loss. Trae Elston and D’Juan Hines finished with eight tackles apiece, with Hines adding half a sack. Saige Young and Kenneth Randall each recorded four tackles, a sack and a tackle for a loss. Paris Ford had three tackles, an interception and a pass defense.

Look at you Michigan Panthers, playing like a real football after exiling Jeff Fisher to the wilds of Montana or wherever else he might be hiding. The Mike Nolan led Panthers dominated the USFL runner up Philadelphia Stars last week, winning 24-10. Josh Love sprayed the ball around for Michigan, but got the job done, going 15 of 30 for 174 yards, one touchdown and two interceptions. Reggie Corbin led the team on the ground, rushing 11 times for 131 yards and two scores. Cole Hikutini caught three passes for 56 yards and a TD. Ishmael Hyman hauled in three as well for 53 yards. On defense, Frank Ginda finished with 10 tackles, one interception and a pass defense. Warren Saba had nine tackles. Corrion Ballard had eight tackles, one interception and one pass defense. Westbrook had four tackles, one sack and one tackle for a loss. Ron’Dell Carter finished with three tackles, one sack and two for a loss.

You know what? I don’t like the spread, but I do like the moneyline. New Jersey has not looked strong this season while Michigan actually looks like they know what the hell they’re doing. I am as shocked as anyone to say I see the big cats going 3-0. Panthers 23, Generals 20

Last week

Straight up: 3-1

Against the spread: 2-2

Season

Straight up: 6-2

Against the spread: 5-3

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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