{"id":24352,"date":"2023-10-05T17:09:18","date_gmt":"2023-10-05T21:09:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.betonline.ag\/news-room\/?p=24352"},"modified":"2023-10-05T17:09:20","modified_gmt":"2023-10-05T21:09:20","slug":"nfl-power-rankings-week-5-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.betonline.ag\/news-room\/nfl\/nfl-power-rankings-week-5-3\/","title":{"rendered":"NFL POWER RANKINGS WEEK 5"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

BY ADAM GREENE<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We officially kick off the NFL week as we always do, by arbitrarily ranking all 32 teams by criteria I have crafted out of my own imagination.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s do it!<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (4-0)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Philly barely survived a team in the Washington Commanders who kind of seems to have their number. The Commanders were the first team to knock them off a season ago. Also, for all the people complaining about the \u201ctush push\u201d play, we had about four teams try it this week and all of them failed. It\u2019s a real football play. It takes real football talent to run and the personnel to run it. Stop all this whining about banning and learn how to defend it when Jason Kelce and Jalen Hurts are the tushes getting pushed. Last week:<\/strong> No. 1<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (4-0)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Niners are atop many Power Rankings and I have no arguments against it other than, how can you drop the Eagles when they keep winning? This isn\u2019t college football. The dubs are all that matters and these two teams will get to settle who\u2019s No. 1 on the field soon enough. Last week:<\/strong> No. 2<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (3-1)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Alright, listen up poopy pants people. This is fun. This whole Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce thing is a blast and if you don\u2019t like it, don\u2019t watch the game. I agree that the NFL needs to chill out now and let it ride, especially since Travis Kelce specifically asked them as much in his recent podcast with his brother Jason. But back when Tom Brady and Gisele first got together, you think the camera didn\u2019t pan to her all the time? Hell, I remember Jason Sehorn and Angie Harmon being a thing you\u2019d see her every week on an NFL broadcast. The only people I worry about this bothering is Travis and Taylor and, from what I can tell, they would like it to calm down a bit<\/a> and I think the NFL will do that. As for the Chiefs, they\u2019re still one of the most fun shows in town, with or without the biggest pop star on the planet in attendance. But I hope she\u2019s there again Sunday. I have plenty of female Swiftie friends and they are having a blast. Save your backlash for someone who deserves it. Oh, and we\u2019ll get to that. Trust me. Of course, it\u2019ll come way later in the Power Rankings. Last week:<\/strong> No. 4<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. BUFFALO BILLS (3-1)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No team ever wants to lose, especially when it was a game in which they should have absolutely obliterated their opponent, but dropping that first contest against the New York Jets because Josh Allen sucked was obviously the best thing that could have happened for the Bills. Allen took the blame and rightly so and fixed the problem \u2014 him. They\u2019ve won three straight in impressive fashion including blowing out a team that scored 70 points the week before. Last week:<\/strong> No. 7<\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. MIAMI DOLPHINS (3-1)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Speaking of the team the Bills blew out, the Dolphins weren\u2019t going undefeated and taking a loss in Buffalo isn\u2019t the worst thing. I do feel very sorry for the New York Giants, who will be making the trip to Florida so many of their elderly residents do later in life for the same results \u2014 their utter demise. Miami will get right fast in this one. Last week:<\/strong> No. 3<\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. DETROIT LIONS (3-1)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are the Lions the new Kings of the North? We\u2019re four weeks into the season and they might be the only good team in a division that looked a lot tougher in the preseason. They could clinch it by Thanksgiving at this rate. Last week:<\/strong>  No. 6<\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. DALLAS COWBOYS (3-1)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dallas, and their fans, can talk all they want about how great they could be, but if they can\u2019t get past the 49ers then none of it matters. Not this week, when they play at SF, or in the playoffs where the Niners have sent them packing two years in a row. This is the measuring stick and the Cowboys have come up short every time. Last week:<\/strong>  No. 8<\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. BALTIMORE RAVENS (3-1)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It doesn\u2019t matter that Deshaun Watson didn\u2019t play last week. That Ravens win over the Cleveland Browns was preordained, predicted on an ancient Sumerian tablet unearthed by an archeologist and English aristocrat back in 1827 in Euphrates delta. Last week:<\/strong> No. 9<\/p>\n\n\n\n

9. LOS ANGELES RAMS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Rams move back into the Top 10 with an overtime win on the road over the suddenly plucky Indianapolis Colts. Matthew Stafford should play in their upcoming game, even after suffering a \u201chip contusion\u201d last week and could this be the first week we\u2019ll see rookie phenom Puca Nakua teamed with Cooper Kupp? Can the league take that many hard consonants catching passes together in a single game? Last week:<\/strong> No. 13<\/p>\n\n\n\n

10 JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jacksonville now holds the inglorious designation of officially being 1-0 in games played in \u201cAndy\u2019s room\u201d from Toy Story<\/em>. Of course, we all know that Andy is long gone and in college so it\u2019s probably the room where his mom rides the Peleton and his stepdad sneaks off to watch porn on his iPad. Last week:<\/strong> No. 12<\/p>\n\n\n\n

11. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (3-1)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jamal Adams barely made it a few plays before getting pulled thanks to the NFL\u2019s concussion protocol. Now, because he got into with a neurotrauma consultant, he might get suspended. An inglorious season debut for a player acquired in one of the dumbest, most lopsided trades in NFL history. Anyway, the Seahawks won last week and continue to fool the NFL into thinking they\u2019re a decent team. They might do it all the way to the playoffs, where they will make an immediate exit once again. Last week:<\/strong> No. 15<\/p>\n\n\n\n

12. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (3-1)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We are at that point in a Baker Mayfield quarterbacked season where everyone starts to believe something good is in the works. Which is right where Baker wants them before the team faceplants right into the nearest pile of manure like Biff from Back to the Future.<\/em> Last week:<\/strong> No. 18<\/p>\n\n\n\n

13. CINCINNATI BENGALS (1-3)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Joe Burrow says the Bengals need a win<\/a> over the Arizona Cardinals for \u201cmorale.\u201d Maybe you don\u2019t say that out loud for your own team to hear, plus the other team might be listening too. That squad does have a NFC Champion defensive coordinator as its head coach. You hate to think the season is on the line in Week 5, but that Tennessee Titans loss last week is an albatross with a millstone around its neck. Last week:<\/strong> No. 5<\/p>\n\n\n\n

14. CLEVELAND BROWNS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, a week after looking like the Deshaun Watson of old, Watson missed a game due to injury which proves one thing to me \u2014 he definitely didn\u2019t get his regular post victory massage he enjoyed while with the Houston Texans after Week 3.  Last week:<\/strong> No. 10<\/p>\n\n\n\n

15. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look at what happens with Anthony Richardson actually completes a full game of football on the field. Sure, the Colts didn\u2019t win, but they never do against the Sean McVay Rams. The fact they forced the game to overtime and Richardson was a big reason why should give the team hope. Now, let\u2019s just get that completion percentage over 60 percent. Last week:<\/strong> No. 16<\/p>\n\n\n\n

16. TENNESSEE TITANS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

With a dominating win over the Bengals, Ryan Tannehill holds off Will Levis for one week longer and gives the fans in Nashville a reason to tune their TVs to NFL football on Sundays. For now. Last week:<\/strong> No. 22<\/p>\n\n\n\n

17. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In spite of Brandon Staley\u2019s best efforts, the Chargers picked up their second victory in a row. I\u2019m not sure if it cooled off his seat or just leveled it off to a nice rolling low boil. Last week:<\/strong> No. 23<\/p>\n\n\n\n

18. GREEN BAY PACKERS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You know, my first thoughts on the Packers and Jordan Love were that they\u2019d be also-rans this year and looking for a QB next offeseason. Then, the first couple of weeks of the season happened and I thought, \u201cHey, could I have been wrong about all this?\u201d Perish the thought, me. I need to look deep inside and trust myself more. Last week:<\/strong> No. 11<\/p>\n\n\n\n

19. HOUSTON TEXANS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

CJ Stroud is on pace to be the first rookie NFL quarterback in history to pass for more than 4,000 yards and he\u2019s got the talent, and coaching around him, to do it. This could very well be a playoff team next season, especially considering that the Jaguars don\u2019t seem to have made the NFC South leap I expected (as of this right now). Last week:<\/strong> No. 25<\/p>\n\n\n\n

20. PITTSBURGH STEELERS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s bad NFL offenses, then there\u2019s the one offensive coordinator Matt Canada has called for the Steelers over his last 39 games in the job. Under Canada, Pittsburgh has not recorded 400 yards or more in offense even one time. In that span, no other team has fewer than four 400 yard games. Anyway, I\u2019m feeling a lot better about that potential first losing Steelers season under Tomlin I predicted back in the preseason. Also, there\u2019s a good chance that Kenny Pickett might not play Sunday against the Ravens, so, yes, that could be Mitchell Trubisky\u2019s music. You can tell by the abundance of tuba blats. Last week:<\/strong> No. 14<\/p>\n\n\n\n

21. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, Derek Carr played last week and looked like Jameis Winston. They might as well have started Winston. I know it\u2019s tough to sit a QB who desperately wants to play, but the Saints have a real shot at a playoff spot, and sure playoff loss (but still!). No reason to ruin it a by getting your new quarterback knocked out for the year in the first month of the campaign. Last week:<\/strong> No. 17<\/p>\n\n\n\n

22. WASHINGTON COMMANDERS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I made the joke last week that reality hit hard for the Commanders in their blowout loss to the Bills, but they decided to completely ignore reality against the Eagles, nearly knocking off the defending NFC Champions. This week, they get a real break with a Thursday nightery against the Chicago Bears. Reality? Who needs it? Last week:<\/strong> No. 19<\/p>\n\n\n\n

23. NEW YORK GIANTS (1-3)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Evan Neal made some hay this week quoting<\/a> Game of Thrones<\/em> character Tywin Lannister when he said, facing fan criticism, \u201cWhy would a lion concern himself with the opinion of sheep?\u201d He then double doubled down with, \u201cThe person that\u2019s commenting on my performance, what does he do? Flip hot dogs and hamburgers somewhere?\u201d That\u2019s great way to get human bodily substances placed into your food on purpose there, Evan. Maybe add Fight Club<\/em> to the viewing<\/a> list before you get to the final, terrible season of Game of Thrones<\/em>. Anyway, if Neal misses a couple of games with food poisoning this year, we know why. Last week:<\/strong> No. 20<\/p>\n\n\n\n

24. ATLANTA FALCONS (2-2)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

While the Jags can claim the first victory in \u201cAdny\u2019s room,\u201d that means that a certain team must officially take the first loss. You know what that means? The 50 cent bin at the next yard sale. Last week:<\/strong> No. 21<\/p>\n\n\n\n

25. MINNESOTA VIKINGS (1-3)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

By winning the second of their \u201closer leaves town\u201d matches, does that mean the Vikings get to come back into town? Has anyone told Minneapolis? Last week:<\/strong> No. 28<\/p>\n\n\n\n

26. DENVER BRONCOS (1-3)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

After picking up their first win of the season, just barely, over the equally hapless Chicago Bears, the Broncos promptly cut edge rusher Randy Gregory<\/a> so, you know, the tank is on. Sean Payton has officially waved the white flag. If you\u2019re keeping track of the whole money side of things, that\u2019s flushing $19 million in fully guaranteed money right down the toilet. There aren\u2019t enough Kevin James memes to exemplify that. Last week:<\/strong> No. 32<\/p>\n\n\n\n

27. ARIZONA CARDINALS (1-3)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Cardinals\u2019 brass want to tank. None of their players or coaches do and now the Cincinnati Bengals, with an injured Joe Burrow, can either help or hurt either campaign come Sunday. Last week:<\/strong>  No. 24<\/p>\n\n\n\n

28. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (1-3)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s really funny about the Pats benching Mac Jones for Bailey Zappe is that the team outright cut Zappe in the preseason to keep this kind of quarterback controversy from happening. Then, after a week with just Jones, they figured they better bring the Zappe-ster back. Jones\u2019 days might be numbered, which is good news for the crotches of every defensive back who will tackle him for a loss this season. Last week:<\/strong> No. 26<\/p>\n\n\n\n

29. LAS VEGAS RAIDERS (1-3)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hey, at least Josh McDaniels has an excuse for his latest loss. Jimmy Garoppolo didn\u2019t play. Working against him? He was playing against a Brandon Staley coached team. Last week:<\/strong> No. 27<\/p>\n\n\n\n

30. NEW YORK JETS (1-3)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rodney Harrison tried to call out Jets quarterback Zach Wilson as \u201cgarbage\u201d<\/a> in a postgame interview with the Chief\u2019s Chris Jones on the Sunday Night Football after show last week. It\u2019s funny because I\u2019ve always thought Rodney Harrison was \u201cgarbage\u201d so he should know. Speaking of garbage, Aaron Rodgers referred to Travis Kelce as \u201cMr. Phizer\u201d<\/a> in an interview with Pat McAfee this week in spite of our nation\u2019s preeminent ivermectin spokesperson playing for a team own by the Johnson & Johnson corporation (who made their own Covid-19 vaccine). Rodgers, a man who lied about his vaccine status continually, continues to be troubled by the fact that the vaccine works and a guy like Kelce, who is vaccinated and advertises the vaccine, is not only very healthy, but dating a woman Rodgers himself apparently targeted in Taylor Swift. I guess there\u2019s no \u201cmanifesting\u201d that can change that. It is weird that Rodgers has no issues with \u201cBig Pharma\u201d when they\u2019re signing his own paychecks or using the medicines, including anesthesia, with which he had his Achillies repaired. That including the painkillers he was on to be standing on crutches on the Jets sidelines last week. Odd how that works. Anyway, just in case any of us were fooled by the NFL Film\u2019s masterful Hard Knocks<\/em> over the offseason, Aaron Rodgers is still an awful, ridiculous and just goober of a person. Last week:<\/strong> No. 29<\/p>\n\n\n\n

31. CHICAGO BEARS (0-4)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Matt Eberflus said that he \u201cfeels the support\u201d<\/a> of ownership after losing his 14th<\/sup> consecutive game as head coach. It must feel just like Joe Pesci walking into the room thinking he was a \u201cmade man\u201d<\/a> with the two dudes behind him in Goodfellas<\/em>. Last week:<\/strong> No. 30<\/p>\n\n\n\n

32. CAROLINA PANTHERS (0-4)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Panthers took a lead into the first half and never saw it again in the second half. The fear for Bryce Young isn\u2019t just that he could get hurt in the NFL, but that he could be ruined behind a bad offensive line, poor coaching and horrible skill players. It\u2019s Sam Bradford\u2019s rookie year all over again. Last week:<\/strong> No. 31<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter <\/em>@TheFirstMan<\/em><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Connect with us our socials on <\/em>Twitter<\/em><\/a> and <\/em>Instagram<\/em><\/a> for the latest sports news, viral moments, betting odds and the occasional memes.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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