CRAZY NFL PARLAY: NFL WEEK NINE

BY ADAM GREENE

Each week I come to you with a humble proposition; let’s a make a great big pile of money with little or no effort at all. This season we’ve flirted with it. We’ve come tantalizingly close and now, as we pass into the second half of the year, the lines are closer and moneylines smaller. But we’re still fighting the good fight. I’m still here, just a man standing in front of a stack of cash, asking it to appear inside my bank account.

As always, the Crazy NFL Parlay isn’t a crapshoot. We aren’t throwing darts while blindfolded trying to hit a bullseye. We’re using our knowledge of the NFL and its chaotic nature with which to make an informed risk in lieu of buying a lottery ticket so we can ride off into the sunset on a brand new Kawasaki Jet Ski AX-R watercraft.

Here’s the selection of goodies I picked out for us this week:

Bills +140

Broncos +185

Bears +250

Giants +120

Saints +190

Texans & Jaguars Under 50.5

Steelers & Cowboys Under 43

That’s not a lot and, like I said, the spreads have tightened up as teams really get into their division schedules and the books figure everybody out. Sure, we could pump up our payout possibilities with a Carolina Panthers +405 and a Dallas Cowboys +700, but that’s just tossing money into the Cuisinart and we all know it. We’re risking miniscule amounts of money, this week it’s pretty much a Starbucks date, but there’s no reason to set it on fire. Not when you can turn the price of two Venti mocha frappucinos and a couple of chocolate chip muffins into a summer filled with sick back flips on the nearest disease infested polluted public body of water.

If you’ve already checked out this week’s Friday Afternoon Quarterback, you know that I’ve picked the New York Giants to “upset” the Washington Football Team. You also know that while I picked the Atlanta Falcons to beat the Denver Broncos, I didn’t feel great about it. I feel even worse today as it would require the Falcons to hold onto fourth quarter leads in consecutive weeks.

As for the Chicago Bears, would it surprise you to see that defense clog up the place against the Tennessee Titans when the Cincinnati Bengals were able to slow them down the week before? The New Orleans Saints and Tampa Bay Buccaneers already played once this year and the Saints dominated that game. That Bucs -4.5 spread looks a little friendly to me and that +190 moneyline maybe one to stick with any parlay.

The Buffalo Bills and Seattle Seahawks could be a potential Super Bowl match up. No one would be shocked to see the Bills Mafia bury the Seahawks in Buffalo.

Lastly, we’ve got two unders I am absolutely in love with this week. The Jacksonville Jaguars are starting Jake Luton, a rookie who, in his last time on the field with Oklahoma State, broke his back. The Cowboys will start either Garrett Gilbert or Cooper Rush against the best pass defense in the league.

A $25 bet on this parlay pays $14,053.62 and you can spend all your post pandemic Summer days wave jumping and being a public nuisance on the river of your choice.

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