WHAT WE LEARNED: NFL WEEK 3

BY ADAM GREENE

We had what might have been the silliest and most fun week of NFL football in a while. Here’s what we learned from it.

SEAN PAYTON’S HUBRIS RUBBED IN HIS FACE

No one is out here suggesting that Denver Broncos head coach Sean Payton is terrible. He was the hottest commodity in the coaching searches of the offseason for good reason. If Payton does have an issue, it’s his own ego and how it manifests itself. In the preseason, it did so in criticizing the job Nathaniel Hackett did with the Broncos a season ago. Make no mistake, Payton was correct. Hackett was horrible, but he’s part of the coaching fraternity and Sean should have kept his thoughts to himself.

But he didn’t. Which is why so many in the NFL are thrilled by the fact that Payton’s Broncos, not Hackett’s Broncos, were on the receiving end of an historic 70-20 loss to the Miami Dolphins. Payton’s Broncos are the first NFL team since 1966 to surrender 70 points and the Dolphins are only the fourth team in NFL history to reach that number. They are also the first to score on five passing touchdowns and five rushing touchdowns in the same game.

My favorite take was from AP writer Arnie Meledrez Stapleton, who wrote (or his editor came up with the headline) “Sean Payton has at least met one of the Broncos’ goals: make fans forget all about Nathaniel Hackett.”

Three weeks into the season and Denver could not look worse. They’re 0-3 and now face another 0-3 team maybe even more horrible than they are, the Chicago Bears. They’re playing it in Chicago and while Payton’s job isn’t on the line, the Bears’ Matt Eberflus’ most certainly is. If the Broncos lose this game, to a horrendous Chicago team… well, get used to the Kevin James memes. They are a delight.

Hey, at least the offense is scoring points now. The guy who is probably in real trouble is Broncos defensive coordinator Vance Joseph, who will most certainly get tossed under the bus by Payton, a serial bus tosser, after this performance and the next time it happens. And we all hope it happens again. Every team should try to put 70 on Denver now. Join in the reindeer games.

SPEAKING OF THE DOLPHINS

The offense looks unstoppable, Tua Tagivailoa has taken his place atop the league’s quarterback rankings and justified his draft selection. And every single feat Miami accomplishes is an absolute indictment of Brian Flores’ tenure with the team.

If I’d written my Super Bowl prediction back in August, I would have had the Dolphins in the playoffs and probably exiting in the AFC Divisional Round. Now, they look like the best team in football and a potential AFC Super Bowl representative. All they have to do is keep the Kansas City Chiefs from clinching home field advantage in the playoffs to make it happen. Patrick Mahomes has never played an AFC playoff game outside of Arrowhead.

OH YEAH, THE WHOLE TAYLOR SWIFT THING

Listen, I love everything about this. I love that Taylor was in the owner’s box with Travis Kelce’s mom. I love how shy he’s acting about the whole thing because Kelce is not a shy dude at all, and I love it for Swifties. Welcome to NFL football, guys. You’re going to love it.

Kelce’s jersey sales jumped 400 percent after the couple made it official last Sunday and the ratings for the Chiefs vs Bears game were huge. The NFL even had some fun with it on their Twitter page, calling it “NFL (Taylor’s version) and running her picture as the header.

Pat McAfee made the point that the NFL has been trying to reach that demographic — younger women and couldn’t figure out how to do it. Then, of course, Taylor Swift did it for them.

TANKING IS HARD IN THE NFL

There’s no question that certain teams (I’m giving you the stink eye Arizona Cardinals and Washington Commanders) made specific roster choices in their quarterback rooms in order to lose as many games as possible and land the top pick in next April’s NFL Draft.

Both of those teams have failed at failing. The Commanders are 2-1 and the Cardinals should be.

So what makes it so tough to tank? It’s because the quarterbacks Washington and Arizona fielded might be some of the worst in the league, they remain some of the best on the planet. Joshua Dobbs is crazy smart. He’s the best future astronaut to ever play in the NFL.

Sam Howell and Jacoby Brissett are probably both lifelong backups, but that still means they’re better than pretty much everyone else on the Earth at playing quarterback. Plus, they’re coached by Ron Rivera, a guy I think is always underrated as a head coach. Jonathan Gannon hasn’t looked too bad either.

Reality sets in this week as the Commanders play at the Philadelphia Eagles and the Cardinals play at the San Francisco 49ers. I’m confident none of us are predicting upsets there. But don’t be surprised if both these scrappy sure-fire losers make it interesting for at least a while.

So who is going to end up with that top pick in the draft? The Cardinals are still a solid bet, but it’s looking more and more like the Chicago Bears will return to the top selection and this time, I don’t think they’ll trade it. And even if they don’t earn the top pick themselves, there’s a good chance the Carolina Panthers could end up the worst team in football and the Bears own their 2024 pick. For a new coaching regime (and it will be new), there’s worse ways to start than with the first two picks in the draft. I’m thinking Caleb Williams and Marvin Harrison, Jr.

The Broncos, the Minnesota Vikings (if they trade Kirk Cousins before the deadline), the Houston Texans (always) and the New York Jets could all find their way into that spot. And, if you’re the Jets with Aaron Rodgers coming back next year, adding Caleb Williams to make up for your last two complete whiffs on first round quarterbacks would be a solid consolation prize for losing our nation’s preeminent ivermectin spokesperson for the year.

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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