FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 14

BY ADAM GREENE

It wasn’t supposed to go down like this. The Thursday Night Football match up between the New England Patriots and the Pittsburgh Steelers, with its over-under of 30 points, had the lowest predicted total in the last 19-20 years of NFL sports betting. Both teams cleared it in the first half.

Yes, it turns out our string of entertaining TNF games was not broken by what looked like one of the worst games on the 2023-24 schedule. Now, sure, neither team played well and for most of the first half Mitchell Trubisky was firing passes at Patriot defenders like the mafia was holding his dog hostage, but that didn’t make it less fun.

Bailey Zappe, getting the nod over former first round bust Mac Jones, was 19 of 28 passing for 240 yards, three touchdowns and a pick in the win. He was only sacked twice as the Pats did everything they could to keep TJ Watt from wrecking the game, including kicking and kneeing him in the face. Ezekiel Elliott rushed 22 times for 68 yards and caught seven passes for 72 yards and a score. Former Steeler JuJu Smith-Schuster got some revenge over his former team, not by winning a Super Bowl without them, he did that last year. This time it was by catching four passes for 90 yards. Hunter Henry hauled in four balls for 40 yards and two TDs. As for Mac Jones? He set a new high score on Subway Surfers on his Microsoft Surface tablet.

The stats show that Mitchell Trubisky tossed only one interception, but that’s the only one that counted. He was aiming at white jerseys all through the first half and most of the second. The fact that penalties and dropped picks cost New England a chance at notching a blowout should not be forgotten when the Trub-sters contract is up.  Trubisky finished 22 of 35 passing for 190 yards, one touchdown and the single recorded interception. He also led the team in rushing with eight carries for 30 yards and a score if you’re wondering why Pittsburgh lost and if they won’t bring in an entirely new offensive coaching staff this offseason. He was sacked twice.

The most important thing that happened is that the Patriots won and therefore are one step further away from the top selection in April’s NFL draft. You did the Lord’s work, Pittsburgh.

This is the last week for byes, with just two teams taking a knee in Week 14. We also have three more Prime Time games left, with two overlapping on Monday night. The rest of the franchises are all hitting the field Sunday afternoon.

So, we might as well pick their games.

Byes: Arizona Cardinals, Washington Commanders

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS AT CLEVELAND BROWNS (-3, O/U: 30.5)

Somehow, Trevor Lawrence was doing a little work at practice Thursday morning. Does that mean we’ll avoid an epic CJ Beathard vs Joe Flacco quarterback duel? I’m not so sure, as the Jags need to be thinking about the playoffs and not a game that, really, has no bearing on their postseason. I don’t see Jacksonville working its way to the top seed. They need to make sure Lawrence is healthy when those games matter because this is the exact type of offseason where ANYTHING can happen. And, honestly, Flacco and Beathard aren’t complete garbage. If Lawrence plays, Jaguars 23, Browns 17. If Lawrence doesn’t play, Browns 24, Jaguars 16

LOS ANGELES RAMS AT BALTIMORE RAVENS (-7, O/U: 40)

Here’s another game with a questionable quarterback. Lamar Jackson missed practice Thursday with an illness. I’m not sure that would keep him out Sunday, but Thursday is obviously a very important game prep day for every team. As for Los Angeles, this might be the healthiest they’ve been all year. They’ve matched up with Baltimore before with Matthew Stafford, but Jackson was out and Odell Beckham, Jr. was on their team and not the Ravens. This looked like a loss on the Rams’ schedule the minute it came out with Jackson and an actual competent NFL play caller. I feel the same way today, but only if Jackson plays. Without Jackson, Rams 27, Ravens 20. With Jackson, Ravens 31, Rams 23

DETROIT LIONS AT CHICAGO BEARS (+3, O/U: 43)

Detroit has one win over a winning team this season and it’s starting to be a problem. It’s nothing that will be fixed against the 4-8 Bears, but it could get real bad if they manage to lose this one to a potent Chicago offense. I don’t think they will, but this spread is respectful, and it should be. Lions 23, Bears 17

CAROLINA PANTHERS AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-4.5, O/U: 38)

With Jameis Winston possibly starting and considering it’s Christmas season, he could be in a very giving mood and Carolina has to be careful about that. Not that winning would hurt them, their first-round pick belongs to the Chicago Bears. What no one wants is for the Panthers to move out of that top spot and hand it to the New England Patriots, who could still very much land it. It’s a scary thought, but this game is still in the Big Easy and while Jameis will unquestionably serve as a Secret Santa, tossing presents all over the field, the Panthers are fielding their own Elf on the Shelf in Bryce Young and maybe some of the worst offensive coaching in the league after Matt Canada’s firing in Pittsburgh. Saints 23, Panthers 16

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS AT ATLANTA FALCONS (-1, O/U: 41)

Atlanta has a whopping one-game lead in the NFC South thanks to .500 record and a ridiculously easy schedule. Of course, you could say the same about all the NFC South teams. The Bucs have the better roster and more offensive talent but haven’t been nearly as lucky. Maybe Todd Bowles should grow a porn stache? Buccaneers 27, Falcons 20

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS AT CINCINNATI BENGALS (pk, O/U: 44)

This one will unquestionably be a back up bowl, as Gardner Minshew II faces off against Jake Browning. Minshew, of course, is one of the better bullpen arms in the league. When most teams are trotting out off-clock Subway Sandwich artists, the Colts were smart enough to pay for some real insurance. Did the Bengals? It didn’t look like it on the roster, but Browning played an incredible game last week. Is he more Mike White than Kurt Warner? We’ll find out this week. Colts 20, Bengals 17

HOUSTON TEXANS AT NEW YORK JETS (+3.5, O/U: 33)

Just like his messages popping up in your mamaw’s DMs, Zach Wilson is back. Yes, Robert Saleh has once again emasculated himself completely, this time bending the knee to a first round bust of a quarterback that he himself helped pick but was never supposed to start again. This was after ownership apparently forced Saleh to not add any QB after Aaron Rodgers got hurt during Game One. DeMeco Ryans, Houston’s head coach, says he learned a lot from Saleh. Let’s hope none of that is part of the lesson plan, because Saleh has shown his tummy WAY too many times this year for me to take him seriously as a head coach anymore. Texans 27, Jets 13

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AT SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (-10.5, O/U: 46.5)

Remember when I wrote last week that the Seahawks would not experience a winning record again this season? This game is a big reason why. That spread is no joke and while I’m not ready to crown the Niners just yet as every other pundit seems to have done, I don’t see this one being especially close. In fact, just like the Dallas Cowboys game last week (which was bad for Dallas, even though it was a fun game), a close result, even with a win, will say a lot more bad things about San Fran than it does about Seattle. 49ers 44, Seahawks 20

MINNESOTA VIKINGS AT LAS VEGAS RAIDERS (+3, O/U: 40)

While Kevin O’Connell, after the job he’s done pulling the Vikings out of the basement, shouldn’t be worried about his job, the “Pass-tronaut Joshua Dobbs probably should be. The team basically had to make a point to say he’s still the starter for now, which is never good. Vegas has already mailed in its season, but interim head coach Antiono Pierce is still auditioning to keep the job. Las Vegas is at home and Minnesota’s defense is more accommodating than a mall Santa’s lap. Raiders 23, Vikings 17

DENVER BRONCOS AT LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (-3, O/U: 44)

You have to feel sorry for Brandon Staley, but the dude has not helped himself with the whiny and combative post-loss press conferences. Luckily for him, after the Chargers lose this game to Denver, he won’t have to deal with that anymore. Broncos 31, Chargers 24

BUFFALO BILLS AT KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (-2, O/U: 48.5)

It’s so bad for Buffalo that they screwed around with Ken Dorsey so much early in the season. Because now, they keep facing “must win” games against some of the league’s best teams. If this was a normal match up, I’d pick the Bills, but Kansas City is coming off a bad loss on the road to the Green Bay Packers and playing at home. I can’t see them losing two in a row. Not in front of Taylor Swift for God’s sake. Chiefs 27, Bills 24

Last week

Straight up: 7-6

Against the spread: 6-7

Season

Straight up: 103-62

Against the spread: 92-73

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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