Friday Afternoon Quarterback: NFL Week 11

Well, you can cancel those Super Bowl plans Cleveland Browns. I know. You guys were right there, so close, just six consecutive wins to end the season to make the playoffs and you were all but a shoe-in. And then Myles Garrett has to go and pull a Stone Cold Steve Austin on Mason Rudolph.

FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 11
BY ADAM GREENE

Garrett likes to think of himself as a poet and I can see that. While some artists work in verse, rhyme or haiku, he likes to cave in skulls with potentially deadly weapons. Basically the same thing.

As ridiculous as the whole thing was, all I could think as the Browns put up 21 points on the Pittsburgh Steelers Thursday night is this is the same defense that held the Los Angeles Rams without a touchdown a week ago. Jared Goff wept. Well, Rams fans wept. Jared Goff is probably still trying to fire passes at the Minkah Fitzpatrick fathead on his man cave wall.

Byes: Green Bay Packers, Tennessee Titans, New York Giants, Seattle Seahawks

SUNDAY

DALLAS COWBOYS AT DETROIT LIONS (+6.5, O/U: 47)

Everyone’s talking about the guillotine finally lopping off Jason Garrett, so you know what that means; six consecutive Dallas wins. Cowboys 27, Lions 10

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS AT TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (+6, O/U: 50)

Here’s a fun fact. For whatever reason, no matter who’s coaching or playing quarterback for either team, the Bucs get one over the Saints every season. At least since 2015. The only reason to think New Orleans won’t fall prey to the Buccaneers again, other than the fact that the team is superior in every single way, is that the Saints laid their Cadbury Crème Egg last week against Atlanta. Saints 23, Bucs 20

ATLANTA FALCONS AT CAROLINA PANTHERS (-4.5, O/U: 49.5)

Let’s not be fooled by that Falcons win last week. Dan Quinn is still walking the green mile here and the governor just dropped his phone in the toilet. Panthers 34, Falcons 20

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS AT INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (-3, O/U: 43.5)

Nick Foles’ return makes this one interesting, but Jacoby Brissett is back on the other side. I don’t hate Doug Marrone as a coach, but Frank Reich is significantly better. Nothing would surprise me here, even seeing Gardner Minshew oil up his mustache, stretch it out in a banana hammock and make his triumphant return to the chorus of Queen’s Flash Gordon theme song. Colts 24, Jaguars 20

DENVER BRONCOS AT MINNESOTA VIKINGS (-10.5, O/U: 40.5)

Brandon Allen says he wants to make it difficult for the Broncos to replace him with rookie Drew Lock. The Vikings D won’t give them a choice. Vikings 34, Broncos 10

NEW YORK JETS AT WASHINGTON REDSKINS (-2.5, O/U: 38.5)

Dwayne Haskins has been handed the keys for good in Washington, for all the good it will do this year. In spite of that, the Skins are still a -2.5 favorite, which means that the Jets announcing Adam Gase’s job is safe is worth at least a Redskins’ field goal. Jets 23, Redskins 20

BUFFALO BILLS AT MIAMI DOLPHINS (+6.5, O/U: 41)

No matter how bad the Dolphins wanted to tank, they still play in the AFC East. Sorry guys, it looks like there are two more wins on the schedule for you. You did your best, meaning that you tried to do your worst. Dolphins 17, Bills 14

HOUSTON TEXANS AT BALTIMORE RAVENS (-4, O/U: 51.5)

There’s plenty to be excited about with the development of Lamar Jackson as an NFL quarterback. I had him projected as a first rounder back in 2018 and used his as the perfect example of how this NFL scout “ceiling” talk was nonsense. Jackson was the fourth quarterback taken in that draft and was nowhere near the top of anyone’s QB board, yet with his physical skills alone, there’s no question he had the highest “ceiling” of the bunch. So why don’t we just retire that. And, another thing, I like Jackson, but Deshaun Watson is light years ahead of him and if these two players switched teams (more specifically, head coaches), the Ravens would be going to the Super Bowl instead of losing in the divisional round at home. Ravens 20, Texans 19

ARIZONA CARDINALS AT SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (-10.5, O/U: 45)

The 49ers spent so much time over the last month enjoying the smell of their own farts they didn’t realize they were slowly getting methane poisoning. UPSET! Cardinals 27, 49ers 24

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS AT PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (+3.5, O/U: 45)

It’s the Super Bowl rematch that never really happened. The Patriots finally played a real team two weeks ago and it didn’t go so well. Here’s another one. Eagles 31, Patriots 24

CINCINNATI BENGALS AT OAKLAND RAIDERS (-11, O/U: 48.5)

Is there even a potential win on the Bengals’ schedule? They have to be dogs the rest of the way, regardless, even against the Jets and Dolphins. But, it’s hard to go 0-16 in the modern NFL and only two teams have ever done it, the Browns in 2017 and the Lions 2008. It should be impossible with a salary cap floor, the draft and free agency, and yet here they are. If I was team owner Mike Brown, I would fire general manager Mike Brown immediately and make sure he never got a job in the NFL ever again. He’s obviously been a disaster hire, this guy, Mike Brown, and run this franchise right into the ground. There’s no excuse for Mike Brown to put up with this from Mike Brown anymore. It’s time to let that guy go. Raiders 31, Bengals 13

SUNDAY NIGHT

CHICAGO BEARS AT LOS ANGELES RAMS (-6.5, O/U: 40)

The Rams offensive line has turned into one giant doormat to the point where it’s hard to judge Jared Goff. I mean, is he playing like complete garbage or is he just playing terribly bad? It’s hard to tell. Still, you know, he’s no Mitchell Trubisky. Rams 20, Bears 10

MONDAY NIGHT

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS AT LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (+3.5, O/U: 52)

Patrick Mahomes got his warm-up stumble game on the road out of the way and now he gets to return home, to Dignity Health Sports Park in Carson, Calif. and play in front of those 27,000 adoring Kansas City fans. Chiefs 31, Chargers 23

THIS WEEK

STRAIGHT UP: 0-1
AGAINST THE SPREAD: 0-1

LAST WEEK

STRAIGHT UP: 6-7
AGAINST THE SPREAD: 6-7

OVERALL

STRAIGHT UP: 96-53
AGAINST THE SPREAD: 81-65

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