FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 17

BY ADAM GREENE

With no Thursday Night game this week, the NFL has seeded the weekdays to College Football as it decides its national champion as well as a plethora of meaningless bowl games, some of which end with the winning coach doused in mayonnaise.

This is why alien civilizations don’t contact us.

As such, we have a full old school compliment of games Sunday, barring any COVID-19 scheduling changes. While the league has been hit with a record number of cases, the high vaccination rates and new rules adopted by the NFL and NFLPA, should keep the contests up and running through the Super Bowl.

Of course, we have to get there first and a solid handful of the games on the schedule have legitimate playoff implications, with some serving as elimination games.

LOS ANGELES RAMS AT BALTIMORE RAVENS (-4, O/U: 46.5)

As of Thursday, Lamar Jackson’s status is unknown for this game, but even with Tyler Huntley in the Rams can’t take their foot off the gas. Well, maybe a little as Matthew Stafford can get a tad too generous with the ball at times. Christmas is over. It’s time for Santa Stafford the gift machine to close his toy shop for the season. If Baltimore loses this one, it’s probably out of the playoff hunt even with the scrum of teams vying for the Wild Card seeds in the AFC. Rams 27, Ravens 20

LAS VEGAS RAIDERS AT INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (-6.5, O/U: 44)

The NFL’s new Covid protocols have allowed hope that the Colts can get Carson Wentz back before kickoff Sunday. There’s only one problem — the infectious disease Wentz caught that’s killed over 800,000 of his fellow Americans doesn’t care about CDC recommendations or the league and NFLPA’s agreed upon protocols. So while you can make assumptions about vaccinated guys and the likelihood that they’ll be asymptomatic or have minor symptoms and a low “viral load” leading to a return, guys like Wentz are our here raw dogging the apocalypse and there’s no telling when he’ll be ready or how he’ll feel and play when he is. In spite of Las Vegas playing on fumes, I’m rolling with them even if Wentz huffs and puffs and makes it to the field Sunday. Raiders 21, Colts 20

NEW YORK GIANTS AT CHICAGO BEARS (-6, O/U: 36.5)

Scott Hanson, let me just say you don’t have to apologize for this one. It’s not your fault the NFL put this stinker on the schedule this late in the season. On the bright side, it is happening at the 1 p.m. EST hour, so you’ll have plenty of games to tune to on NFL Red Zone before you get to this one while all the rest are at commercial. This is a game made for bettors and the match up with Nick Foles against anybody in December. But to face off against Mike Glennon, that, has to be worth a touchdown at least. Bears 23, Giants 10

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS AT NEW YORK JETS (+13, O/U: 45)

Tampa Bay has already locked up the NFC South and a home playoff game and has an outside shot at home field advantage if the Rams, Dallas Cowboys and Green Bay Packers stumble. They probably won’t, but it’s not going to help a New York team that’s surrendered 30 or more points in three of their last four games. Buccaneers 34, Jets 13

ATLANTA FALCONS AT BUFFALO BILLS (-14.5, O/U: 43.5)

In spite of doing their absolute best every other week to blow their chances, Atlanta is inexplicably in the NFC playoff hunt. That probably all ends Sunday, but Buffalo is a team that’s not shown it can show up every week. That might make it closer than it looks on paper. Bills 27, Falcons 21

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES AT WASHINGTON FOOTBALL TEAM (+3, O/U: 44.5)

Depending on what happens elsewhere down the schedule this week, the Eagles will likely remain in the NFC playoff bracket win or lose. Still, it’s time to win these winnable games if you’re a team that wants to fool itself into thinking it can make a run in the playoffs before getting blown out in the Wild Card round. As for the WFT, they’ve folded their cards, so that should make the whole thing a little easier. Eagles 27, WFT 16

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS AT CINCINNATI BENGALS (+5.5, O/U: 51)

Cincinnati is one of the few AFC teams that can score with the Chiefs. And if this game was played back in September or October, that might matter. Kansas City is in full terminator mode now, gearing up for the playoffs. But I still think the Bengals will put up a fight with Joe Burrow coming off an historic passing performance. Chiefs 31, Bengals 28

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS AT NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-16, O/U: 41)

Here’s the bad news for the Patriots. Over the last month, if they have to throw the ball more than three times, they lose. The good news is, facing the hapless Jags, they might not have to throw it at all. Jacksonville has secured, at worst, the No. 2 overall pick, but a loss here can guarantee they’ll pick first overall in back to back seasons and match the 2017-2018 Cleveland Browns as the only teams to draft No. 1 overall in consecutive years in this millennium. Patriots 24, Jaguars 16

MIAMI DOLPHINS AT TENNESSEE TITANS (-3.5, O/U: 39.5)

Miami’s math is simple. To keep their spot in the AFC playoff bracket, they have to win out. They’re already the first team in NFL history to win seven games in a row the same season in which they lost seven in a row. Winning eight in a row, then, would be an outstanding and historic accomplishment. To get it done, they’ll have to punch the AFC’s No. 2 seed in the mouth and one that’s possibly a couple of weeks away from the return of Derrick Henry. Tennessee wants that first round bye if they can grab it. Titans 26, Dolphins 20

DENVER BRONCOS AT LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (-6.5, O/U: 45.5)

A week after getting embarrassed by the Houston Texans, the Chargers get to regroup and attempt to recapture a spot in the AFC playoffs. It just so happens that Denver is battling for that same spot, but they’re doing it a man down, with starting QB Teddy Bridgewater still on the concussion protocol, Drew Lock is once again warming up his interception arm. It’s time for a few LA defenders to reach those contract incentives. Chargers 31, Broncos 13

HOUSTON TEXANS AT SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (-12.5, O/U: 44)

Jimmy Garoppolo’s thumb will apparently cost him this start and, if he’s out again next week, possibly his job. On top of that, it might cost San Francisco a position in the playoffs. 49er fans are awfully confident in a rookie QB that lost his only start and completed barley 50 percent of his passes. Houston has been a sneaky team and is coming off one of the five biggest upsets of the year. I’m not sure they can win, but that spread, with Trey Lance at quarterback, is too large. 49ers 23, Texans 21

ARIZONA CARDINALS AT DALLAS COWBOYS (-6. O/U: 51.5)

Arizona has lost three straight and staring a full month of defeats when they travel to Jerry World Sunday. They’ve already clinched a playoff spot, but last week they were co-leading the NFC West and looking at a home playoff game. Now they’re a Wild Card and facing a team they could see in that round in the stadium they’d have to play inside. Dallas, for their part, remains in the mix for the No. 1 seed. No defense in the league is playing better than the Cowboys right now and the offense is playing good enough. Cowboys 34, Cardinals 23

CAROLINA PANTHERS AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-7, O/U: 38)

The Saints should have Taysom Hill back this week and considering Ian Book led the team to all of three points, that’s a positive. While Hill isn’t likely to light up the scoreboard, Carolina has decided to return the keys to Sam Darnold. So, congratulations on the victory, New Orleans. Saints 17, Panthers 13

DETROIT LIONS AT SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (-7, O/U: 42)

Jared Goff is probably out again for the Lions, so that means Tim Boyle or whatever anonymous schlub they can pull off the street to start. Seattle will likely enjoy its last chance to cheer for (or boo) the combo of Russell Wilson and Pete Carroll at Lumen Field. Wilson is supposedly looking to be traded in the offseason and, I can’t stress enough,  the septuagenarian Carroll should be playing with his grandkids and charging up his golf cart in 2022. Seahawks 34, Lions 10

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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