FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 2

BY ADAM GREENE

Our Week 2 started with a pretty terrific game, with the Philadelphia Eagles dominating on the ground and forcing four turnovers in a 34-28 win over the Minnesota Vikings on Amazon Prime’s Thursday Night Football.

Now, it didn’t start out that way and I, like many of you, was watching it at a sports bar giving it the full Mystery Science Theater treatment with some buddies before it actually turned into a compelling contest. And one that I picked correctly, with the Vikings getting the back door cover. Always a nice way to start the week for someone with my particular set of skills. And, hey, it paid for my food and beer.

Philadelphia, in Week 1, looked like they were suffering a solid Super Bowl hangover. Apparently, they had a nice dose of ibuprofen and ate an egg and bacon sandwich this week, because Thursday night’s Eagles looked a lot like last year’s NFC Champions, especially on the ground. Philly rushed for 259 yards and D’Andre Swift was downright dominant, carrying the ball 28 times for 175 tards and a touchdown. Of course, if you had Swift on your fantasy team, you were kicking rocks most of the night as the Eagles were continually stopped at the one yard line. And we know what happens there — the unstoppable Philly QB sneak, which put Jalen Hurts in the endzone twice. And when I say unstoppable, I mean it. It’s been a full season and two games now, and no defensive coordinator on the planet has figured out how to keep the Eagles from picking up that yard. I have no ideas here either. It’s just a guaranteed conversion every single time.

DeVonta Smith put on a solid show as a receiver as well, catching four passes for 131 yards and a touchdown. The defense forced four turnovers and sacked Kirk Cousins twice.

Before we start blaming “Prime Time Kirk Cousins” for this loss, he played pretty well. The man can’t block for himself after all and I’m pretty sure he’s not the guy that cut Dalvin Cook in the offseason. Two games in and that looks like a completely disastrous choice. Alexander Mattison rushed just eight times for 28 yards and that was the team’s total yards rushing. That’s ridiculous. It was all on Cousins and he was 31 of 44 passing for 364 yards and four touchdowns with no interceptions. He had a 125.5 quarterback rating. I’m not sure what else he could have done. And the drops? Man, KJ Osborne finished with three receptions for 34 yards and a touchdown and finished with at least two kills on the volleyball scoresheet.  

Justin Jefferson caught 11 passes, and some of those catches were incredible, for 159 yards, but his zero touchdowns probably cost plenty of people some props bet cash. Jordan Addison was my favorite wideout in this past year’s draft and he has a touchdown in both his first games. He caught three balls in this one for 72 yards and TJ Hockenson has to be in the Top 5 tight end conversation this season. He had an incredible game with seven catches for 66 yards and two touchdowns.

We have three more prime time contests this week, but let’s pick these Sunday afternoon games and make some jokes when we can.

LOS ANGELES CHARGERS AT TENNESSEE TITANS (+3, O/U: 45)

Both these teams are coming off close losses, but only one actually looked like they were playing professional offensive football. Which is ironic, since that team, the Chargers, is led by a defensive coach. You’d think that’d mean the defense could make a stop, but the Miami Dolphins ate LA’s lunch and popped the bag in their faces every time they had the ball. I’m pretty sure Tyreek Hill is still scoring touchdowns today. As for Tennessee, the Ryan Tannehill era might actually come to an end in this game. Chargers 27, Titans 16

GREEN BAY PACKERS AT ATLANTA FALCONS (-1.5, O/U: 40.5)

I am on record that I didn’t like the Jordan Love pick when the Packers made it and had no confidence in him as a starting quarterback in the NFL. I am now prepared to eat that record. I’m not sure what vinyl will do to my digestive system, but I’m ready to take one for the team. Of course, their big win over the Chicago Bears, which is a common thing for Green Bay, was just one game, but the Pack looked good and Love looked like an NFL quarterback. As for Atlanta, they won their opener against the Carolina Panthers, but they could end up being one of the three worst teams in the league. You know what? Jordan Love let’s do this. Packers 31, Falcons 20

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS AT HOUSTON TEXANS (-1, O/U: 39.5)

Anthony Richardson did not look terrible in his debut and CJ Stroud was not the worst either. In fact, both these teams put up a solid, but fruitless battle in their season openers, with the Colts losing by 10 to the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Baltimore Ravens knocking off the Texans by 16. Both of those games should have been blowouts on paper. It’s weird to see Houston favored in a game, especially this early in the season, but I don’t think it’ll matter when the final whistle blows. Colts 20, Texans 17

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AT DETROIT LIONS (-4.5, O/U: 47)

While the Seahawks blowout loss to the Los Angeles Rams last week might have been a shock to most of NFL punditry, your humble narrator was not stunned in the least. If anything, I was just pleased that it turned into a cruise. The Seahawks were a pretender playoff team last season that only got in there because the Rams were decimated with injuries. Detroit, on the other hand, had the biggest win of Week 1 and they did it on the NFL’s biggest stage, the Thursday night kickoff. To drop this game, after knocking off the Kansas City Chiefs, would just be ridiculous. Aiden Hutchinson might get four sacks in this one. Lions 31, Seahawks 17

CHICAGO BEARS AT TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (-2.5, O/U: 41.5)

All I can say about the Bears week one performance against the Packers is a giant “oof.” If ever a team completely whiffed on the opportunity to change their narrative, it was Chicago losing by 18 points to the Pack without Aaron Rodgers. I’m not ready to give up on Justin Fields just yet, but that was bad. On the other hand, none of us thought Tampa Bay would be worth anything and Baker Mayfield proved us all wrong, knocking off the Vikings in a game none of us thought would be close. Well, it was close. And Mayfield and the Bucs won it. I’m picking them to do it again. Buccaneers 23, Bears 20

LAS VEGAS RAIDERS AT BUFFALO BILLS (-8, O/U: 47)

Well, look at that. Jimmy Garoppolo, a guy the San Francisco 49ers fandom couldn’t wait to run out of town turns out to be a winner again. Who would have known? Meanwhile, we shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that, while the Aaron Rodgers injury was devastating to the New York Jets Monday night, Josh Allen played like ass. In fact, he played like so much ass that Kanye West has already proposed marriage to him. Surely (and don’t call me Shirley), the Bills can turn this thing around, but I don’t care for this spread at all. Bills 24, Raiders 20

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS AT JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (+3.5, O/U: 51)

I’m seeing a lot of love for the Jaguars here and deservedly so. They’re a good team and heading for a great team. The Chiefs lost by a point at home on the league’s opening night, but not to a bad team and certainly not because Patrick Mahomes played poorly. There were some drops there and some missing personnel. Yes, I’ve made it clear I don’t think Kansas City will be as good this year as they have been over the last five, but they aren’t starting 0-2. Chiefs 27, Jaguars 23

BALTIMORE RAVENS AT CINCINNATI BENGALS (-3, O/U: 46.5)

The Ravens have installed a new offense and while they won, it’s not where they want it to be. As for the Bengals, their offense missed the bus to the stadium last week. I’m not sure how they could have been more humiliated in their loss to the Cleveland Browns in Week 1, but maybe Joe Burrow got a wedgie from Myles Garrett before it was over. I watched it on Red Zone so I didn’t see every play. I can’t believe Cincinnati opens 0-2, even though they did that last year on their Super Bowl hangover. They’ve won four of their last five over Baltimore and I think they can get it done Sunday. Bengals 23, Ravens 20

NEW YORK GAINTS AT ARIZONA CARDINALS (+4, O/U: 40)

This is how hard it is to tank in the NFL. Both the Cardinals and the Washington Commanders have built rosters specifically to lose this year and both those teams fought their asses off to win last week. Arizona came up on the short end of the stick, which is a good thing. As for the Giants, they could not have looked worse in their loss to the Dallas Cowboys. It was historic in so many ways as I detailed in my Power Rankings. They better not lose this one or, man, they are in for some real problems. Giants 23, Cardinals 13

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS AT LOS ANGELES RAMS (+7, O/U: 45)

Four teams in the NFC looked like they were in midseason form in Week 1 and two of them meet in this game. The Niners have won eight in a row in the regular season over the Rams, but Los Angeles won the one that counted the most, the 2021-22 NFC Championship that sent them to a Super Bowl LVI Championship. San Francisco could very well be the best team in the NFL and they certainly have one of the best rosters. The Rams can’t claim the same in their remodel year, but they’re still good. I like it to be close, but San Fran is the safe pick here. Especially if their fans fill up SoFi as they usually do. 49ers 24, Rams 23

NEW YORK JETS AT DALLAS COWBOYS (-8.5, O/U: 38)

Oh what could have been. I’m not the first person to write or say this and I won’t be the last. If Aaron Rodgers hadn’t gone down on the fourth play of the Jets’ Monday Night Football game against the Buffalo Bills, New York would have won in a blowout. That has to be insanely frustrating to a team that won’t make the playoffs now. And they won’t. What they definitely shouldn’t do is make any coaching change or panic at quarterback. Lean into Zach Wilson and roll on. No team looked better than the Cowboys last week in a complete shellacking of the Giants. Dallas is about to kings of New York, but I don’t think they’ll cover this -8.5 spread. The Jets have too much pride for that and too good a defense. Cowboys 23, Jets 17

WASHINGTON COMMANDERS AT DENVER BRONCOS (-3.5, O/U: 39)

Washington did the worst thing they could for the future of their team last week, they beat the Cardinals. Now, I picked them to beat Arizona and they should have, but still. It stings, because that could cost them Caleb Williams. On the bright side, with Drake Maye and Shadeur Sanders, maybe picking two or three in next April’s draft isn’t the worst thing. Seeing Sanders in Commanders red doesn’t hurt my feelings in the least. As for Denver, that was quite the disappointing debut for Sean Payton. I think he’ll make up for it this week. Broncos 31, Commanders 16

Last week

Straight up: 10-6

Against the spread: 9-7

Season

Straight up: 10-6

Against the spread: 9-7

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

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