NEW NFL HEAD COACHING RANKINGS

BY ADAM GREENE

Unless something shockingly unexpected happens, our head coaching hiring season has come to an inglorious end with the addition of David Culley to the Houston Texans. We had seven openings, with the Philadelphia Eagles coming in late and hot to the party so that led to some uncertainty this time around.

As should be expected, now that all these jobs are filled, it’s my job to judge each selection as I see fit.

1. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS – URBAN MEYER

Previous job: Fox Sports analyst

Meyer is the only proven commodity entering the NFL head coaching class this season after a storied and likely Hall of Fame worthy NCAA coaching career. Meyer won two national titles with the Florida Gators in 2005 and 2008 and another with the Ohio State Buckeyes in 2014, claiming the first College Football Playoff championship in the process. The fact that the Jaguars were able to get this to happen still frankly surprises me. It’s as much of a no-brainer move, especially for a team based in Florida, as you could get.

Now, the fact that Meyer was an all-time elite college coach doesn’t necessarily mean he’ll be able to coach in the NFL. Certainly guys have tried and failed before, Nick Saban and Steve Spurrier to name two. But Meyer seems to have the disposition for it and as long he stays physically healthy (which could be a problem), he’ll have plenty of leeway and picks to build up his version of the Jaguars.

Fun fact: Only three head coaches have won both an NCAA National Championship and a Super Bowl; Jimmy Johnson, Barry Switzer and Pete Carroll.

2. NEW YORK JETS – ROBERT SALEH

Previous job: San Francisco 49ers defensive coordinator

Saleh was on pretty much every team’s short list for good reason. He’s unquestionably been one of the league’s best defensive minds since he took over the 49ers defense in 2017. He built a Super Bowl unit that remained one of the league’s best even in an injury riddled 2020.

He also happens to be one of the few defensive minded coaches that brings an offense to the table, specifically the one San Francisco ran under Kyle Shanahan. Mike LaFleur, the Niners’ passing game coordinator, will run the Jets’ new attack with whoever they end up with at quarterback.

3. ATLANTA FALCONS – ARTHUR SMITH

Previous job: Tennessee Titans offensive coordinator

After rejuvenating Ryan Tannehill’s career in Tennessee and building one of the league’s best rushing attacks on top of it, Smith was bound to land a job this offseason. Smith was a guy that earned his stripes the hard way, working pretty much every coaching gig on the offensive side for Tennessee from 2011 on.

Smith’s offense is a lot like the Shanahan offense that Atlanta thrived in back in 2016 on the way to their last Super Bowl appearance. Under Smith’s playcalling and design, running back Derrick Henry led the NFL in rushing twice and Tannehill nearly matched Patrick Mahomes’ passing numbers in Tennessee.

4. PHILADELPHIA EAGLES – NICK SIRIANNI

Previous job: Indianapolis Colts offensive coordinator

As predicted, the Eagles hired a guy out of the Andy Reid family tree. Unpredictably, it was Sirianni instead of Eric Bieniemy. Regardless, Sirianni was on the head coaching list for a reason, building prolific attacks with three different quarterbacks in his time in Indy.

In 2018, he piloted Andrew Luck in his final year in the league to the playoffs. He got the most he could out of Jacoby Brissett in 2019 and once again returned to the postseason as the architect of the Philip Rivers attack.

As a Frank Reich protégé, Sirianni is a natural choice to either revive Carson Wentz’ NFL future or start Jalen Hurts on his way.

5. LOS ANGELES CHARGERS – BRANDON STALEY

Previous job: Los Angeles Rams defensive coordinator

Staley turned the Rams defense into the best unit in the league in his single year at the helm in 2020. If there’s a knock on him as a head coach, it’s just that he spent the lone season as a defensive coordinator. But the body of work is pretty stellar nonetheless.

Like Saleh in New York, Staley is bringing in a tried and true offensive philosophy with him in offensive coordinator Joe Lombardi, fresh from being the quarterbacks coach for the New Orleans Saints. This is Lombardi’s second stint as an OC. He called plays for Matthew Stafford and the Detroit Lions form 2014-15.

While Staley’s performance as a DC was fantastic in 2020, it’s a big leap after a single season. The Chargers can’t be faulted for liking their guy and certainly if Staley hadn’t taken a head coaching job this season, it was coming next year. No reason to let him get snapped up by another team if you want him.

6. DETROIT LIONS – DAN CAMPBELL

Previous job: New Orleans Saints assistant head coach and tight ends coach

With the first five guys on the list, no one really batted an eye. Staley and Sirianni were hot up and comers. Saleh and Smith’s time had come and everybody agreed on that. Meyer is a superstar who could have had any open NFL job he wanted for the last three years.

Dan Campbell? I don’t get it. We had elite offensive coordinators still out there when the Lions pulled the trigger on this hire; Bieniemy and Buffalo Bills OC Brian Daboll. Bieniemy was right there with Saleh and Smith. It should have happened for him this round. Daboll is more in the Staley and Sirianni category. He could have been snapped up this year, but definitely will next year.

Campbell? We know that Bieniemy calls plays, so that’s been debunked as a reason to not hire him.  You know there’s this thread out there that maybe Bieniemy doesn’t “interview well.” But you’re telling me this guy interviewed well? The guy with kneecaps stuck in his teeth? This is an offensive mind?

At least with Campbell you know that Sean Payton had to think a lot of him. He’s been a head coach before, albeit an interim with the Miami Dolphins.

Again, we don’t know all the details. The contract demands. The guys that maybe stepped back when it became clear that Matthew Stafford wanted out. That could all be a factor.

But if I’m straight up choosing between Bieniemy, Daboll and Campbell, are you kidding me? This looks like a potential disaster and the fact that his first hire was Anthony Lynn as offensive coordinator doesn’t give me a lot of hope.

But he’s not potentially the worst hire. That award goes to…

7. HOUSTON TEXANS – DAVID CULLEY

Previous job: Baltimore Ravens assistant head coach, wide receivers coach & passing game coordinator

How in the world do you make this happen if you’re the Texans? Who’s list was Culley on? Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, must have turned Houston down for it to come to this.

The Texans came into this past season as one of the worst run NFL franchises and doubled down in 2021, blowing past historic laughingstocks like the New York Jets, Cincinnati Bengals and Cleveland Browns. With those teams all making shockingly smart moves over the last season or so, the title was Houston’s to lose and they were taking no chances.

As far as I can tell, here’s who the Texans interviewed (or showed interest in) for their open head coaching job; former Lions head coach Jim Caldwell, Buffalo Bills defensive coordinator (and Minnesota Vikings head coach) Leslie Frazier, Bieniemy (only after Deshaun Watson’s revolt), their own reserve quarterback Josh McCown, Indianapolis Colts defensive coordinator Matt Eberflus, Brandon Staley, their own offensive coordinator Tim Kelly, Carolina Panthers offensive coordinator Joe Brady and Arthur Smith. And that’s just who I could find.

How you end up with Culley after all that will be a mystery that would make Sherlock Holmes toss his deerstalker hat to the dirt in disgust.

Culley was the passing game coordinator for the worst passing game in the NFL. The Ravens finished the year ranked No. 32 and that’s only because there are just 32 teams. They were three yards a game worse than the New York Jets. How does a guy that helped put that together even end up on a head coaching list?

And here’s where it gets extra crazy. In a league looking for young and innovative talent, Culley is 65 years old. He shouldn’t be an NFL head coach. He should obviously be preparing to run for United States President in 2024. The Texans gave him a five year contract, for God’s sake. At 65, he doesn’t need to be buying value sized shampoo. He doesn’t need a coach’s whistle. He needs a Life Alert bracelet. He’ll need a new hip installed before he can install a game plan.

And this is the guy they think will talk Deshaun Watson back into the building? Old No. 32?

This simply had to be a job that no one on earth wanted besides Culley. That is the only explanation for him being handed a card key to the building. He was the last man on Earth that wanted it and he’s who the Texans are stuck with.

Good job Cal McNair. You are the now the new Mike Brown and Jim Haslam.

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