Your Insane NFL Parlay of the Week

There’s a great scene in the original Batman movie between Michael Keaton and Jack Nicholson. Nicholson, as the Joker, shows up to abduct Vicki Vale, played by Kim Basinger. Keaton, is of course, Bruce Wayne, aka Batman and he doesn’t want to spill the beans, but at the same time, he’s got to get the whole “abduction” thing rolling so he can suit up and kick all the ass.

So he places a metal tray under his shirt to make him bulletproof (and because this is a movie, it works) and eggs the Joker on until he shoots him, saying one of the most quotable lines in movie history, “You wanna get nuts? Come on, let’s get nuts!”

Well, when it comes to your crazy parlay this week, we’re gonna get nuts and I’m going to try to talk us all into it.

According to BetOnline.ag, you’re looking at a moneyline of +775 on the Miami Dolphins over the Buffalo Bills, an ML of +350 for the Washington Redskins at home against the San Francisco 49ers and a +340 for the homestanding New York Jets hosting the New England Patriots.

You parlay those guys together with a $50 bet and you win, you’re bringing home $8,612.50. That’s enough to buy a nice, used bass boat and, frankly, you’ve been wanting to get into fishing after watching The Outdoor Channel after drinking that bottle of absinthe your uncle gave you for Christmas.

But those three games could never hit, right?

First off, look at the Dolphins over the Bills. They’re +17 underdogs for a good reason, but they nearly pulled off the upset over the Redskins last week when they tossed Ryan Fitzpatrick back under center. The Bills offense hasn’t lit it up this season. They’ve gone over 21 points just once and scored less than 20 three times. There’s legit upset potential here. While Brian Flores and the Dolphins most certainly want to tank this season, they want to win at least one game. Why not this one?

Next, look at the Jets an Patriots. Again, there’s a huge line here, Pats -10, but, again, New England has just been squeaking by and regardless of their Super Bowl titles, they always drop an AFC East game they should have won every season. Sam Darnold looked outstanding last week and New York showed real life. A loss here doesn’t hurt the Patriots at all in the long run and they’re due.

If anything, your toughest get will be the Redskins somehow beating the 49ers. They’re +9.5 dogs and there’s no reason at all to believe they have a chance in hell to win. But, what if they do? What if Case Keenum somehow strings it together like he did two years ago in Minnesota? What if the Skins defense gets its pass rush going and slows down Jimmy Garoppolo. And what if Adrian Peterson decided to run all over the 49ers because there are times the dude just does that.

You could have the perfect storm and win enough cash to buy that 2008 Mazda Miata you always wanted in high school.

Why not roll the dice?

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