CRAZY NFL PARLAY: WEEK 17

BY ADAM GREENE

Every week I pen these (or type these, I guess) with the hopes of hitting it big. I want this. Not just for me, but for us. And not just you and me, but for America. For our Civilization. When you hear the news of someone hitting some monster bet or parlay, doesn’t it always make you feel good?

Doesn’t it always make you feel like anything is possible?

We need a little positivity right now and I’m not talking about all the positive COVID-19 tests the league is dealing with this week. We, as a nation and fanbase, need a win.

By the time the Sunday games kick off, it will be a new year. And with that, comes new hope. Hope that no one named Bill Belichick or Tom Brady will win another Super Bowl. Hope that people will actually get vaccinated so we can stop cooking up new Covid variants inside unvaccinated cattle erectile dysfunction pill addicts until we run out of Greek letters. Hope that we’ll have a future that is way more fun to live in than the present.

I went 4-5 in my Crazy Parlay last week and, as far as I’m concerned, that just doesn’t cut it. Not after going 7-1 in Week 3 and 8-2 in Week 10. I didn’t burn my wings by flying too close to the sun. I solar powered my resolve.

If this is your first Crazy Parlay, welcome to the party. Here’s what I do. I comb the lines, odds and totals to craft for you the perfect selection of results to deliver the maximum payoff. This isn’t just farting into the wind. I’m not blindfolded and trying to pin a tail on a donkey here. I’m legitimately harnessing chaos. I am taking the “Any Given Sunday” nature of the NFL and monetizing it. It can work. I believe it.

So, it’s with that in mind I have hand selected you these picks for Week 17:

Raiders +255

Bengals +190

Dolphins +153

Texans +520

Cardinals +230

Vikings +235

Steelers +160

Yep. All moneylines this week and we have some good ones. If you’ve already read my Friday Afternoon Quarterback and Monday Night Football Preview, then you know I already like the Las Vegas Raiders to upset the Indianapolis Colts without Carson Wentz or with a barely recovered from Covid Carson Wentz.

I also like the Pittsburgh Steelers and Ben Roethlisberger specifically to continue his dominance over the Cleveland Browns as an organization until the very bitter end.

It’s the other games we have to talk ourselves into, so let’s get at it.

The Cincinnati Bengals have the offense that can score with the Kansas City Chiefs. Do you really think it’s possible the Chiefs run the table all the way to the playoffs without a single stumble?

A playoff spot is on the line for the Miami Dolphins at the Tennessee Titans. If they want to remain in the bracket, and this is a team that finished 10-6 last year and has won seven straight, they must beat the Titans.

Trey Lance is making just his second start for the San Francisco 49ers against the suddenly plucky Houston Texans. The Texans just knocked off the Los Angeles Chargers last week, a team I would pick to beat the 49ers 9 out of 10 times.

Hey, maybe Matt Rhule knows something about Sam Darnold that we don’t against a Taysom Hill led New Orleans Saints team.

And, finally, the Minnesota Vikings have won six of the last nine over the Green Bay Packers and it would be just like Kirk Cousins and Mike Zimmer to screw up Aaron Dunning-Kruger Rodgers’ MVP campaign here with two weeks to go.

A $10 winning parlay bet on these moneylines pays $56,863.75.

Follow Adam Greene on Twitter @TheFirstMan.

The NFL season is rolling along and the Week 17 Schedule is up and taking bets at BetOnline.AG.

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