5 FUNNIEST EARLY TV BROADCAST PROP BETS FOR SUPER BOWL LX
Summary
With the Super Bowl approaching, several unusual prop bets offer entertaining wagering opportunities beyond the game’s outcome. These include whether broadcaster Cris Collinsworth will mispronounce a player’s name and which celebrity fan of the Patriots or Seahawks will be shown on camera first, with Jon Bon Jovi and Chris Pratt highlighted as likely candidates.
The most prominent bets focus on a dildo being thrown onto the field, with wagers on its color and the quarter it will land. Green is favored as the color, and the first quarter is predicted as the most probable time for the incident, under the assumption someone will inevitably sneak one into the stadium.
As the Super Bowl grows ever closer, it’s important to look at other ways, outside of the actual game itself, that we can wager our money in exchange for fabulous cash and prizes. Also, I find these particularly entertaining.
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS VS NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (+5, O/U: 45.5)
5. Cris Collinsworth Says Nick Emmanwori’s Last Name Wrong
Yes +150
No -200
As someone who has lightly dipped into broadcasting, names can be tough. Even when it doesn’t seem that difficult. Just ask NBC’s Maria Taylor about legendary Pittsburgh Steelers running back and Vietnam veteran “Rocky Blair.”
BEST BET: No -200
Emmanwori’s name is a tricky one, but Collinsworth doesn’t seem prone to make these kinds of mistakes. Now, when they toss back to Maria in the studio, the dude could be Neato Eminnemwareye, but that won’t be on Cris.
4. Which Patriots Celebrity Fan Will Be Shown First?
Mark Wahlberg +300
Ben Affleck +400
Matt Damon +450
John Krasinski +500
John Cena +550
Jon Bon Jovi +600
Elizabeth Banks +100
Steven Tyler +1200
Bill Burr +1600
Conan O’Brien +2000
Elton John +2500
I’m sure you have the same question that I do here, Elton John a Patriots fan? When did that happen? I thought he liked the Jets. As for Mark Wahlberg, the Super Bowl kickoff is way past his psychotic bedtime. And John Cena? You can’t even see him.
BEST BET: Jon Bon Jovi +600
There’s every chance all these people will be there, minus Wahlberg, who will be cuddled up with his Ted plushy and sound asleep, but Bon Jovi ends up next to Bob Kraft in the President’s Box during these things. They’re tight enough to book a massage together.
3. Which Seahawks Fan Will Be Shown First?
Richard Sherman +200
Chris Pratt +400
Will Ferrell +450
Rainn Wilson +600
Eddie Vedder +600
Sir Mix-A-Lot +900
Dave Matthews +1000
Macklemore +1100
Joel McHale +1200
Bill Nye +2000
Does Richard Sherman count as a fan? I call foul on that, plus he works for Amazon. NBC’s not giving him early camera time. I feel like Bill Nye has other things going on that will keep him from blowing six figures on Super Bowl attendance. And let’s not pretend Macklemore could even afford a ticket at this point. The only way he gets on camera is if he’s arrested trying to break in and streak on the field.
BEST BET: Chris Pratt +400
Our favorite Star-Lord has a movie out right now, and I’d imagine the people who made that movie, where you get to pay to sit in a theater and watch Christopher watch a giant TV, would like some help selling tickets.
2. Color of Dildo Thrown on the Field
Rainbow +275
Green +325
Red/Pink +500
Blue +600
Yellow +700
Caucasian/White +1000
Purple +1000
Black/Brown +1100
This is it, our most important bet of the night. My favorite part of this selection is that there’s no option for “No Dildo Thrown on the field.” Just the idea of it’s ridiculous. Of course, someone will toss a dildo onto the Super Bowl LX playing surface. There is no reason to even question it.
BEST BET: Green +325
As with anytime you must pick out a dildo, it’s best to go with your gut. When presented with eight dildo options, you don’t want to pick with your eyes. You want to pick with your heart. Which dildo speaks to you? In spite of Rainbow being the odds-on favorite, I have Green on my spirit. I’ve prayed on it and that’s where I’m going.
1. Which Quarter Will the Dildo Land on the Field?
1st +200
3rd +200
4th +200
2nd +225
And here is where the literal rubber meets the road. We have all already agreed that a dildo will make an appearance at Super Bowl LX, and I’m not even talking about Aaron Rodgers. No, a phallic sex toy will be brought into the stadium, past all security and bag checks in the only way it possibly could. We know how the men who’ve been plaguing the sports world with rubber penises have been sneaking them past every checkpoint. And it ain’t in the front pocket of their chinos.
BEST BET: 1st Quarter +200
Have you ever heard the phrase that something was “burning a hole in his pocket?” Well, wherever these guys are stashing these dildos to get them past the Paul Blart army, they want them out of there as soon as possible. You can’t just “sit” on your dildo until the second half. You gotta toss it and toss it early.
Follow Adam Greene on Blue Sky @AdamGreene13, threads @adam.greene and Twitter @TheFirstMan
