FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 7

By Adam Greene

We wanted solid games on Thursday night and Amazon has actually delivered this year. Every single matchup has been a close contest and extremely watchable, even if they didn’t look like they would be on paper. 

Last night’s Cincinnati Bengals 33, Pittsburgh Steelers 31 victory was exactly that. I knew it would be close. Thursday nighters usually are. What I wasn’t expecting is Joe Flacco, barely a week removed from his flight from Cleveland, to outduel Captain Ivermectin himself, Aaron Rodgers, in a shootout win that brough Cincy’s season back to life and might have saved Zac Taylor’s job. 

Flacco finished his night 31 of 47 for 342 yards, three touchdowns and no picks. To make it worse, Chase Brown ran for 108 yards on just 11 carries and Ja’Marr Chase was open all night, catching 16 passes for 161 yards and a score. When Flacco got bored of tossing at No. 1, he hit No. 5, Tee Higgins, six times for 96 yards and a TD. The Steelers defense did not make the trip. I like Jalen Ramsey, but the guy was posterized by Chase multiple times Thursday night and it shows why maybe signing him to a big money, long term deal was a mistake. 

For his part, Rodgers showed he can still sling it, passing for 349 yards and four TDs (with two interceptions) and uncorked a 70-yard bomb at the end of the game on a Hail Mary attempt that his invisible wife had a better chance of catching it than any Steelers wideout. 

We’ve got 14 more games to pick so let’s make this dream real.

Byes: Buffalo Bills, Baltimore Ravens

SUNDAY

LOS ANGELES RAMS AT JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (+3, O/U: 44.5)

Can you have a “bad win?” Before I watched the Buffalo Bills and Washington Commanders soil their bedsheets lasy Monday night, I would have said, “yes.” Now, especially as crazy as this year has been so far, you have to just take the dub when you get it and run which is what the Rams did last week in Baltimore. The Jags followed up a solid September with a no-show in Seattle. Now they’re at their home away from home in Jolly Old England and while the meth may not be as good in London as in Jacksonville, the bad British teeth make it feel like home. Rams 23, Jaguars 19

LAS VEGAS RAIDERS AT KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (-12, O/U: 45.5)

I’m not a Chiefs hater by any stretch, but it was kind of nice a few weeks to think we’d get a fresh AFC Champion this year. Now, in spite of them being 3-3 at the moment, is anyone confident they won’t be hoisting the Lamar Hunt Trophy again? Might be smart to go ahead and place that bet. Chiefs 31, Raiders 23

MIAMI DOLPHINS AT CLEVELAND BROWNS (-2.5, O/U: 37)

So. I’m thinking Joe Flacco wasn’t the problem with the Browns offense. This could very well be a loser leaves town match between Mike McDaniel of the Dolphins and Kevin Stefanski of the Browns and, unfortunately for Kev, I think he’s going to walk out of this home game employed. Browns 17, Dolphins 13

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS AT TENNESSEE TITANS (+7, O/U: 42.5)

Here’s a fun fact. Mike McCoy, your interim head coach of the Titans, has a 27-37 record as a head coach in the NFL and never once coached the then San Diego Chargers (from 2013-2016) to more than nine wins a season. He did hit 9-7 twice. At a .422 win percentage he is ranked over the Atlanta Falcons Raheem Morris (.395) and the New York Giants Brian Daboll (.360). That means, statistically, Tennessee has the third worst coach in the league after firing Brian Callahan (.210). What does all that mean? Nothing, really. I just want to point out how tough it is to get rid of horrible coaches in the NFL. They’re like STDs on Spring Break. Patriots 31, Titans 9

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS AT CHICAGO BEARS (-5, O/U: 46.5)

I feel bad for the Saints. They’ve shown enough in every game to prove they’ve likely got the right coaching staff together in spite of fielding one of the worst rosters in the NFL. Their plan, to tank the season and draft Arch Manning to his papaw’s former team was going perfectly… until Arch decided to suck at football. Now, the younger Manning didn’t have the worst game a week ago, but he’s not likely to be worth a No. 1 overall pick come April and even less likely to leave school and enter the draft. So, New Orleans is purposefully sucking for nothing. As Robert Burns once wrote, “the best-laid schemes o’mice an’ men gang aft agley.” Bears 27, Saints 16

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES AT MINNESOTA VIKINGS (+1, O/U: 44)

At some point you just have to believe Vikings head coach Kevin O’Connell is going all Tonya Harding on JJ McCarthy’s ankle to keep him out of the line up. How injured could the kid be? As for the Eagles, it’ll be fun to see how they can blow this game they should win by two touchdowns. My guess for AJ Brown’s vindictive “I’m not catching any passes” sideline book read this week? ACOTAR. Never heard of that book? I bet your wife has. Eagles 21, Vikings 20

CAROLINA PANTHERS AT NEW YORK JETS (+1, O/U: 41.5)

When you’re playing the Panthers at home and giving points, you know something is very wrong. Maybe New York can run a fake punt with Breece Hall on every play this week to get the most out of the kid before they trade him at the deadline. Panthers 24, Jets 6

INDIANAPOLIS COLTS AT LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (-1, O/U: 48)

As impressive as the Colts have been this season, they’ve picked up their five wins against lackluster opponents with the exception of the Denver Broncos. The Chargers? One of their two losses has also been against a lackluster opponent, the New York Giants before Cam Skattebo tore his shirt off and rammed his way into our nation’s enlarged hearts. This is Indy’s second chance to put up or shut up against a good team from LA and I think Danny Dimes puts on a show. Colts 31, Chargers 23

NEW YORK GIANTS AT DENVER BRONCOS (-7, O/U: 40.5)

This is Jaxson Dart and Cam Skattebo and welcome to Jackass. I think I speak for all of America in the midst of these self-inflicted but oh-so-trying times that Dart and Skattebo are exactly what we need right now. Which is why it would be such a buzzkill for the Broncos to just soundly beat New York this weekend. We are absolutely living in the worst timeline. Broncos 24, Giants 17

WASHINGTON COMMANDERS AT DALLAS COWBOYS (+1, O/U: 54.5)

I know the Cowboy hate is strong, but I can’t think of a more fun 4:25 p.m game to watch than this one. Jayden Daniels and Dak Prescott might combine for 1,000 passing yards here. The only thing that would surprise me is if the defenses actually show up to play. Take the over. Cowboys 42, Commanders 40

GREEN BAY PACKERS AT ARIZONA CARDINALS (+6.5, O/U: 45)

While all eyes will be in Cleveland to see which head coach comes out employed, there’s a good chance they’ll be joined in the bread line by Punching Johnny of the Arizona Cardinals. While the rest of the NFC West has decided to play NFL football, ole Two-Fists Gannon has decided to try his hands at the UFC. He might have a future there. There’s none in professional football. Packers 31, Cardinals 20

ATLANTA FALCONS AT SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (-1, O/U: 47)

Is Brock Purdy going to play this week? Does it matter? I feel like Purdy and Mac Jones are a real-life version of that Spider-Man pointing meme. Only one of them costs $265 million. I’ve said for years that Kyle Shannahan runs an offense that doesn’t require a great quarterback to run it and every time he proves that’s true, the team goes and pays the guy running it anyway. George Kittle should be back this week, regardless if Brock is fondling his Microsoft Surface tablet or not. I’m going to regret this but, after that Bills win, I’m feeling Atlanta. Falcons 24, 49ers 20

MONDAY

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS AT DETROIT LIONS (-5.5, O/U: 52.5)

We have another Monday night doubleheader and if Baker Mayfield needs any motivation, someone show him this spread. Detroit has not defeated a team with a winning record this season and have lost handily to the two teams they’ve faced that are above .500. This one will make it three. Bucs 34, Lions 23

HOUSTON TEXANS AT SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (-3.5, O/U: 41)

At the beginning of the season the very idea that Sam Darnold could lead the Seahawks to the playoffs seemed laughably ridiculous to me. Like, I would say it out loud and it just didn’t sound right. But Sam is playing out of his mind and since he’s not facing a Rams pass rush, he should be OK. I used to think that Seattle beating a team said more about the issues with their opponent than positive things about the Seahawks. Now? I’m not too sure. Don’t make me regret this, 12s. Seahawks 27, Texans 23

Last Week

Straight up: 10-4

Against the spread: 7-8

Season

Straight up: 59-32-1

Against the spread: 41-52

Survivor Pool Picks: Broncos (Week 1), Ravens (Week 2), Bucs (Week 3), Bills (Week 4), Rams (Week 5) X, Colts (Week 6), Patriots (Week 7)

Follow Adam Greene on Blue Sky @AdamGreene13, threads @adam.greene and Twitter @TheFirstMan