FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 11

You have to give the New York Jets some credit. My expectations for this game were lower than when I open up Bumble, yet they actually played it close for a while. Sure, it was never really in doubt, and the New England Patriots became the first team to secure a winning record in a 27-14 victory on Thursday Night Football, but two touchdowns? For the Jets? Hey, good for you.

I hope you are sitting down because Justin Fields actually passed for more than 100 yards in this one, hitting the lofty total of 116 with a touchdown pass to boot. He added 67 yards and another score on the ground. I always liked Fields and wasn’t alone. The Pittsburgh Steelers legitimately tried to keep him this offseason for a reason. This is obviously a bad fit in New York, and I remain convinced that the Jets have the worst coaching staff in the NFL. 

The Drake Maye hype is real. He looks like a franchise QB and might be the best one out of what might turn out to be an elite quarterback draft class minus a certain former Michigan signal caller and Sephora enthusiast. He made it look easy. I don’t like him for MVP over Matt Stafford, but there’s a reason he’s in the conversation. And you can’t blame the schedule since he’s knocked off both the Buffalo Bills and Tampa Bay Buccaneers in addition to the scrubs and cupcakes lined up before him.

Byes: Indianapolis Colts, New Orleans Saints

WASHINGTON COMMANDERS AT MIAMI DOLPHINS (-2.5, O/U: 47.5)

Of all the things that could have happened last week, Mike McDaniel making a positive employment statement while at the same time screwing up Sean McDermott’s long term job prospects was predicted nowhere on my star chart and the girl that did it had both a butterfly neck tattoo and an eyebrow piercing. So, I was completely caught off guard. Washington has lost its last three games by double digits and this has every look of a team that has not only folded up its tents, it’s pissing out its campfire. Dolphins 31, Commanders 13  

GREEN BAY PACKERS AT NEW YORK GIANTS (+7, O/U: 42.5)

Last week the Packers had a chance to force the NFC to take them seriously and they decided to play offense like they’re the Denver Broncos. That’s not going to do it. Jameis Winston is getting the call for New York and if you don’t think that’ll make a difference, you’ve never seen that man pretend to eat his fingers like they’re freshly cooked crab legs as he shapes them as a “W” for a win. Packers 24, Giants 23

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS AT BUFFALO BILLS (-5.5, O/U: 47)

You could hype this one up as a battle of former 2018 first rounders as Baker Mayfield went No. 1 overall to the Cleveland Browns and the Bills grabbed Josh Allen at No. 7, but nobody cares. The Bucs come into this one off a close, but ultimately bad loss to the Patriots because after this game, they play at the Los Angeles Rams, to potentially put a three-game losing streak in the middle of their season. As for Buffalo, Sean McDermott’s seat suddenly, and deservedly, got significantly hotter after a blowout loss to the Dolphins a week ago. It seems every team will lose one they should have won and win a game they should have lost, but the Bills have dropped games against New England and the Atlanta Falcons too. With the Pats winning Thursday night, they’re staring hard at a Wild Card berth at best and I can tell you now, if they get bumped from the playoffs in January, McDermott should get bumped from this team the next morning. Bills 34, Buccaneers 30

CINCINNATI BENGALS AT PITTSBURGH STEELERS (-5.5, O/U: 49)

I’ve somehow managed to have a plethora of Steelers fans in my life and we’ve all come to the same realization together. Aaron Rodgers’ wife is not a human being. He’s got a shaman somewhere to wed him to Gaia, the spirt of the Earth or some Amazonian tree. It could be a ghost, possibly a nymph. There was no human woman waiting at home for Rodgers when he returned last week from some of the worst quarterbacking of his career. Maybe his wife is a house elf? Somebody toss her a sock for God’s sake and set her free. Steelers 23, Bengals 20

HOUSTON TEXANS AT TENNESSEE TITANS (+6, O/U: 37)

CJ Stroud remains in the concussion protocol so Davis Mills and his neck of power get the chance to push the Texans to .500 on the season against the hapless (and that’s being kind) Titans. There probably aren’t enough playoff spots in the AFC for Houston to make it for a third season, but the way DeMeco Ryans has kept it together when this season looked like a dumpster fire early should keep any hotseat issues from his cargo pants this year. Texans 27, Titans 16

CHICAGO BEARS AT MINNESOTA VIKINGS (-3, O/U: 48.5)

The mistake wasn’t that the Vikings leaned into starting JJ McCarthy this season. The mistake was drafting a guy that excelled only at handing off the ball in college in the first round to begin with. The good news is that it’s easy to do a QB reset these days and if Minnesota continues to faceplant, they’ll have a high pick with which to use and select an actual quarterback who can complete passes. Bears 27, Vikings 14

CAROLINA PANTHERS AT ATLANTA FALCONS (-3.5, O/U: 42.5)

I know the saying “Any Given Sunday” exists for a reason and, hell,  it’s the reason my Crazy NFL Parlay column exists, but the fact that the Panthers lost 17-7 to the Saints a week after beating the Packers 16-13 at Lambeau is one of the more bizarre outcomes of the season. Kind of like the Falcons losing four games in a row after beating the Bills 24-14. Man, Sean McDermott is looking worse by the day. Maybe he and Raheem Morris can compare notes in queue at the unemployment office in January. Panthers 20, Falcons 17

LOS ANGELES CHARGERS AT JACKSONVILLE JAGAURS (+3, O/U: 43.5)

Everyone has hopped back onto the Chargers bandwagon just in time for the Jaguars to knock them all right back off again. As soon as the Justin Herbert hype train gets a little too loud, a game like this comes along to derail it. Jaguars 27, Chargers 23

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AT LOS ANGELES RAMS (-3, O/U: 48.5)

In the great mysteries of NFL scheduling, one day we’ll look back and see that this particular game, which could be for first place in the NFC by the end of the week, kicked off at 4:05 p.m. EST and still not understand how it didn’t get flexed into a different slot. Sam Darnold has become the quarterback every pundit thought he would be coming out of USC in 2018, which was basically the quarterback that Matt Stafford has been for years. The Rams will be in dark mode here. Cooper Kupp is returning to SoFi, but what no one is accounting for is how badly this Rams defense made Darnold look in their two contests last season, one in the Wild Card round of the playoffs. I don’t think Darnold will see ghosts this time and I expect him to play well, but I still like LA. Rams 27, Seahawks 24

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS AT ARIZONA CARDINALS (+3, O/U: 48.5)

There’s going to be a lot of conversations about choosing to go with Brock Purdy over Mac Jones in this game when it doesn’t matter at all. Purdy and Jones are the two Spider-Men pointing at each other meme. They’re the same guy. One is just significantly richer than the other. Against the Cardinals, it wouldn’t matter if the Niners were playing without a quarterback. 49ers 34, Cardinals 17

BALTIMORE RAVENS AT CLEVELAND BROWNS (+9, O/U: 39)

Do you see now why we all told you that the Ravens would still win the AFC North when they were 1-5? There’s a good chance they’ll be tied with the Steelers after this week and the only person standing in their way is Dillon Gabrial, who’s so small they should just easily be able to step over him. I’ve got a feeling we’re finally going to get to see Shadeur Sanders in this one, so Nike social media team, get your dumbest Twitter graphic ready. Ravens 34, Browns 19

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS AT DENVER BRONCOS (+4, O/U: 45)

This is the game we’re getting at 4:35 p.m. over Rams-Seahawks and you can’t complain. The Broncos are currently tied for the best record in the league and while, if the playoffs started today, the Chiefs would be watching on their Barcaloungers, they’re not starting today. And Kansas City is looking to leave their La-Z-Boys empty come January. The road starts here. Chiefs 31, Broncos 20

DETROIT LIONS AT PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (-2.5, O/U: 46.5)

The only way the Eagles could have looked worse on Monday night is if they were the Packers, the team they played. Detroit, on the other hand, is surging and Dan Campbell is working his Applebee’s Menu to the fullest, calling the offensive plays now while getting a round of mozzarella sticks for the table. AJ Brown might just defect to the Lions after he sees what an NFL passing attack looks like. Lions 24, Eagles 17

MONDAY

DALLAS COWBOYS AT LAS VEGAS RAIDERS (+3.5, O/U: 49.5)

Next week is the first time we can flex games into Monday night and avoid the debacle we will have inflicted upon us here as the defensively challenged Cowboys travel to Vegas to face off against the everything challenged Raiders. Pete Carroll has found himself chewing his Hubba Bubba atop what might be the current hottest seat in the NFL. And Tom Brady, the guy that will fire him, will be able to watch this one from the coach’s box in person to see exactly why, maybe, he shouldn’t have hired the guy that tossed him a championship ring by calling the dumbest goal line pass play in Super Bowl history.

Cowboys 31, Raiders 23

Last Week

Straight up: 7-7

Against the spread: 5-9

Season

Straight up: 94-49-1

Against the spread: 69-78

Survivor Pool Picks: Broncos (Week 1), Ravens (Week 2), Bucs (Week 3), Bills (Week 4), Rams (Week 5) X, Colts (Week 6), Patriots (Week 7), Chiefs (Week 8), Chargers (Weel 9), Lions (Week 10), 49ers (Week 11)

Follow Adam Greene on Blue Sky @AdamGreene13, threads @adam.greene and Twitter @TheFirstMan