CRAZY NFL PARLAY: WEEK 17
Summary
This weekly betting strategy leverages the NFL’s unpredictable nature, where unexpected outcomes are common. It proposes a specific nine-part parlay for the upcoming games, including the Texans and Ravens winning, high-scoring affairs in the Cardinals-Bengals and Seahawks-Panthers matchups, and underdog victories for the Titans and Bears.
The selections are based on specific team scenarios, like backup quarterbacks playing or teams with nothing left to play for. If all these individual bets are correct, a $10 wager would result in a payout of over $30,700.
Post-Christmas bills already piling up? Well, never fear, the Crazy NFL Parlay is here, where I take the money you’d toss at a vanilla half-caf double late at Starbucks and turn it into a brand new Dodge Hornet.
If this is your first look at a Crazy NFL Parlay, here’s how it works. I peruse the weekly lines, totals, and spreads and craft, for you, the perfect blend of actually possible scenarios to give us all the most bang, ironically, for an Alexander Hamilton.
I’m not just plugging a bunch of plus moneylines in and hoping for the best. As Donnie Wahlberg said to Jonathan Knight during the NKOTB’s Disney Wildest Dreams TV special and masterpiece, “Yo. Kill that noise.”
What I am doing is harnessing the chaotic nature of the NFL itself. Every week, a good team loses that it shouldn’t and a crappy team wins that it shouldn’t even be on the field. That is entropy, the universe’s natural state. We call it “Any Given Sunday.” Let’s make some cash off it.
Here is what I have hand-selected for you this week;
Texans +103
Texans at Chargers Over 39.5 (-105)
Ravens +165
Ravens at Packers Under 38.5 (-110)
Cardinals at Bengals Over 53 (-110)
Panthers +263
Seahawks at Panthers Over 42.5 (-115)
Titans +130
Bears +151
If you’ve seen my Friday Afternoon Quarterback picks column (and you should take a gander at it. It’s fun), then you know that pretty much all of this I’ve already picked.
I think the Houston Texans go into SoFi Stadium and knock off the Los Angeles Chargers as they are destined to do in the NFL playoffs, and they’ll combine for more than 39.5 points. The Baltimore Ravens, with Tyler Huntley, will get a win over a Green Bay Packers team with Malik Willis at QB and absolutely nothing to play for, as they clinched an NFC Wild Card spot Christmas Day thanks to a Detroit Lions loss. And because of both backup QBs playing, the under is the play.
One thing the Arizona Cardinals have been able to do, as bad as they are, is score some points and move the ball. The Cincinnati Bengals can also do that. Neither of these teams can stop anyone. I also foresee the Carolina Panthers knocking off a Seattle Seahawks team coming off a crazy win at home on a long road trip and going over 42.5 and securing the NFC South. Finally, I have picked the Chicago Bears straight up against the San Francisco 49ers, who should not be able to slow down their offense, as they quest for the NFC’s top seed.
So that just leaves the New Orleans Saints at the Tennessee Titans, and if you can’t see a horrible Saints team losing outside on the road to an equally horrible Titans team, well, you have blessedly not watched either of these squads play this year.
A $10 winning parlay bet on these moneylines and totals pays $30,726.46.
Follow Adam Greene on Blue Sky @AdamGreene13, threads @adam.greene and Twitter @TheFirstMan
