CRAZY NFL PARLAY: WEEK 18

Alas, this is it. Our final Crazy NFL Parlay for the 2025 NFL Season. But let us not be idle in our despair. No, let us use it as motivation to craft what might just be the greatest Crazy NFL Parlay of the season. 

Sure, the average NFL viewer may look at Sunday’s games as mostly meaningless, as all the playoff seedings have already been set but the AFC North Champion, but not us, for we know the secret. We understand the ancient alchemy that makes every single week of NFL football precious, even when only one game really counts. Betting and winning so much money, it’ll look like we just robbed a bank. 

If this is your first Crazy NFL Parlay, here’s how it works. I take a look at the week’s lines, totals, and spreads and use them to craft the perfect confluence of events that turns a single Alexander Hamilton into a Money Bin that Scrooge McDuck would be proud to put on his 1900s bathing suit and swim through. This isn’t just pinning our hopes on plus moneylines and crossing our fingers. No. We are monetizing Any Given Sunday, because while that was a horrendously stupid movie, the philosophy remains true. 

Here, at last, is what I have selected for all of us for Week 18. 

Packers at Vikings Under 38.5 (-105)

Colts at Texans Under 39 (-113)

Browns at Bengals Under 45 (-110)

Cowboys at Giants Over 49 I-110)

Saints +161

Titans at Jaguars Under 47.5 (+100)

Dolphins +461

Chiefs at Raiders Under 38 (-110)

Lions +149

Steelers +174

Now, if you’ve read my Friday Afternoon Quarterback column, and you should. We’ll wait, then you know I’ve picked all these totals already. I think that the Subway Sandwich Artist vs Fudrucker’s Grillmaster quarterback battle between the Green Bay Packers and Minnesota Vikings will keep that score low. Riley Leonard, making his first start for the Indianapolis Colts against the best defense in the league in the Houston Texans, is still playing for an AFC North title that could get very ugly, very fast. The Cincinnati Bengals will probably beat the Cleveland Browns, but that defense and Myles Garrett’s attempt at his 23rd sack will make it a low-scorer. The Dallas Cowboys and New York Giants could put up a pinball score, so that over is the play. The Tennessee Titans haven’t mustered much offense all season, and they won’t against a Jacksonville Jaguars squad that just wants to get out of the game with a win and healthy. Finally, the Kansas City Chiefs are starting a guy whose last name sounds like a Street Fighter attack (Chris Oladokun), and Kenny Pickett will don his child-size small gloves for the Las Vegas Raiders. The under is the move.

It’s the moneylines we have to talk ourselves into, so let’s get cracking. 

The New Orleans Saints have looked like the best team in the NFC South for a month. They could prove it by knocking off the Atlanta Falcons Sunday, and if you think the Falcons can’t lose this game after upsetting the Los Angeles Rams the week before, welcome to NFC South football. 

A win for the Miami Dolphins over the New England Patriots solidifies Mike McDaniel’s job and likely makes Quin Ewers the starter next season. There have been crazier upsets, and Miami is one of the few decent teams on the Pats’ schedule. They barely beat them by six points in Week Two. 

Lastly, who are we to believe that Mike Tomlin can’t will the Pittsburgh Steelers to a season finale win against the Baltimore Ravens, setting up the perfect home blowout loss in the AFC Wild Card Round?

A $10 parlay bet on these moneylines and totals pays $51,146.90.

Follow Adam Greene on Blue Sky @AdamGreene13, threads @adam.greene and Twitter @TheFirstMan