CRAZY NFL PARLAY: WEEK 14
Summary
This weekly “Crazy NFL Parlay” aims to turn a small bet into a massive payout by capitalizing on the current chaotic state of the league. The selections include several underdog moneyline picks, such as the Steelers, Jaguars, Bengals, Bears, Texans, and Chargers all winning, along with specific over/under totals for the Commanders-Vikings, Dolphins-Jets, and Rams-Cardinals games.
The reasoning cites specific matchups, like the Jaguars continuing the Colts’ slide and the Chargers beating an imploding Eagles team. It also argues for key totals based on defensive performances and offensive bounce-backs. A successful $10 wager on this combination of outcomes would result in a payout exceeding $32,000.
Thanksgiving is over, but we still have much to be thankful for. For instance, the tidal wave influx of cash we can get if we hit the Crazy NFL Parlay. Yes, it’s that wonderful time of the week again, where we take the money you’d drop on a footlong coney meal at Sonic Drive-In and turn it into a 2026 Ford Mustang.
If this is your first foray into the Crazy NFL Parlay (and I didn’t even mean for that to rhyme), then fear not. Here’s how it works. I’m not just taking a bunch of plus moneylines and slopping them together like a three-year-old ruining their new Play-Doh Shapes and Colors Dino Starter set. Oh no. I’m using science. Chaos is our universe’s natural state and if last week proved anything, it’s really impacting the NFL at the moment. Why not monetize entropy as our scientific forefathers intended?
Here is the selection of experiments I have concocted this week;
Commanders at Vikings Under 44 (-110)
Dolphins at Jets Over 41.5 (-107)
Steelers +230
Jaguars +110
Bengals +226
Bears +245
Rams at Cardinals Over 47.5 (-110)
Texans +164
Chargers +126
If you’ve checked out my Friday Afternoon Quarterback column (and you should, it’s fun, funny and informative), then you know I already think the Jacksonville Jaguars will continue the Indianapolis Colts’ slide. I can see Joe Burrow of the Cincinnati Bengals once again besting Josh Allen and a Buffalo Bills team I do not trust at all in any big game. I feel the Houston Texans will take this opportunity to not only clear their own path to the playoffs but also end any realistic hopes that the Kansas City Chiefs have at returning to the postseason. Lastly, I believe the Los Angeles Chargers with either Justin Herbert or Trey Lance, will be good enough to knock off a Philadelphia Eagles team imploding by the day.
As for the totals, the Minnesota Vikings offense will stall out under JJ McCarthy or whatever Subway Sandwich artist they field against the Washington Commanders, who will at least have their own scoring kept down by Brian Flores’ defense. With Tyrod Taylor, the New York Jets remain terrible, but they can still put up enough points to combine with the Miami Dolphins to surpass that over. And, in a bounce-back game, the Los Angeles Rams will want to take it all out on the Arizona Cardinals with a chance to reclaim the NFC’s No. 1 seed back on the line.
It’s the other games we need to talk ourselves into, so let’s get cracking.
Is this another week where we get a signature Stupid Mike Tomlin™ victory that keeps him from posting a losing record with the Pittsburgh Steelers as they face a meandering Baltimore Ravens squad?
If the Ben Johnson’s Chicago Bears are a true contender, then this is exactly the game, against a Green Bay Packers franchise that has claimed ownership of them for the past two decades, that they would win and knock that monkey completely off their backs.
A $10 winning parlay bet on these moneylines and totals pays $32,977.24
Follow Adam Greene on Blue Sky @AdamGreene13, threads @adam.greene and Twitter @TheFirstMan
