CRAZY NFL PARLAY: WEEK 16
Summary
This week’s NFL parlay selections aim to capitalize on chaotic outcomes. The picks include several under bets, such as Eagles-Commanders and Packers-Bears, alongside an over for Bills-Browns. Moneyline underdog selections feature the Giants, Titans, Cardinals, and Panthers, with reasoning that hinges on opposing quarterbacks’ inconsistencies and key divisional matchups.
Further justifications highlight the Packers’ historical dominance over the Bears, the Panthers’ potential to upset the Buccaneers in the NFC South race, and the Chargers’ momentum against the Cowboys. A successful $10 bet on this entire parlay would yield a payout of over $15,600.
Where are you Christmas? Why can’t I find you? Where is this week’s Crazy Parlay? It’s right here, Cindy Lou Who, and where else can you turn the cost of a single roast beast sandwich with a side of Who-Hash into all the Jing Tinglers, Flu-Floobers, and Tar Tinkers you can buy.
If this is your first time stumbling onto the Crazy NFL Parlay in your makeshift Santa suit as you peer down from your cave overlooking Who-ville, here’s how it works. I’m not just picking plus moneylines, sticking them together, and hoping for the best. Oh no, Mr. Grinch, perish that thought. A random group of games, this parlay is not.
No, we are harnessing chaos, the natural state of the universe, and monetizing it. Any Given Sunday, you say? Mr. Grinch, let us use that to make a fat wad of Who-cash this day.
Here is what Santa has brought you early this week;
Eagles at Commanders Under 44.5 (-110)
Packers +110
Packers at Bears Under 46.5 (-110)
Bills at Browns Over 41.5 (-105)
Jets at Saints Under 40.5 (-110)
Giants +115
Panthers +135
Titans +130
Chargers +110
Cardinals +125
If you’ve read this week’s Friday Afternoon Quarterback, then some of these are no surprise. The dysfunctional Philadelphia Eagles and the barely functional Washington Commanders should be a safe under. The Green Bay Packers and Chicago Bears, in the cold, with the Pack missing some weapons, should also be a lower-scoring game. The Buffalo Bills will likely beat the Cleveland Browns solidly, but that won’t keep their defense from surrendering points to Shadeur Sanders. And then there’s the New York Jets and New Orleans Saints. The under here might be the safest bet you’ll make this season.
As for the moneylines, I picked the New York Giants to “upset” the Minnesota Vikings, as there’s just no way JJ McCarthy puts two competent games together in a row. I think the Tennessee Titans will celebrate a victory over the Gardner Minshew-led Kansas City Chiefs, and the Arizona Cardinals will outduel the Atlanta Falcons in the desert.
It’s the other games, Mr. Grinch, we must talk ourselves into. So, in the paragraphs below, that’s just what we’ll do.
The Packers have owned the Bears for more than a decade now, and the last time I checked, Jordan Love still held the deed. Green Bay could easily ruin Chicago’s good vibes on Sunday as they regularly do.
The NFC South is on the line, and the Carolina Panthers have claimed two serious scalps this season, the Los Angeles Rams and the Packers. Is it too much for them to take out the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?
Finally, Justin Herbert has gutted out two consecutive wins over the Philadelphia Eagles and Kansas City Chiefs. Why not add a third over a Dallas Cowboys team just paying for pride and to buy Jerry Jones one more new face for Christmas?
A $10 winning parlay bet on these moneylines and totals pays $15,649.98.Follow Adam Greene on Blue Sky @AdamGreene13, threads @adam.greene and Twitter @TheFirstMan
