CRAZY NFL PARLAY: WEEK 5

By Adam Greene

We’ve reached our favorite weekly destination, that moment where we take the money we’d plunk down for a Spicy Nacho Chicken footlong from Subway, with no chips or drink, and turn it into a matching pair of brand new 2025 Yamaha VX-C Waverunners. 

If this is the first time you’re feasting your eyes upon the Crazy NFL Parlay, do not fret. No, there will be no fretting allowed here. Instead, I will guide you, like a sherpa in the Himalayas, venturing through the passes up Mount Everest, avoiding every hungry Yeti and amorous Almas in the process. 

This isn’t just putting on a blindfold and tossing a dart at random plus moneylines and pie in the sky bets. No. Perrish that thought. What I do is peruse the lines, spreads and totals to handcraft for you the perfect multi-leg parlay to justify every single gambling decision you’ll make for the rest of your life. 

I’m not picking results we hope might happen. I’m selecting events that actually could happen. And if they happen and we don’t add five or more figures to our bank accounts, what is even the point?

Here is what I’ve painstakingly put together for you this week;

Cleveland Browns +168

Vikings vs Browns Under 36 (-109)

Denver Broncos +189

New York Giants +110

Giants at Saints Under 42 (-110)

Baltimore Ravens +105

Tampa Bay Buccaneers +170

Detroit Lions -10.5 (-103)

Buffalo Bills -9 (+104)

Jacksonville Jaguars +163

Now, if you’ve already read the Friday Afternoon Quarterback column, not only do you know my heart has been broken by the Los Angeles Rams Thursday, but that I already like some of these moneylines and totals. I feel like the Giants, with their new quarterback Jaxson Dart, powered by his super hot mom, will go into New Orleans and shame the Saints accordingly. I also don’t see either of these offenses especially lighting it up, so that over/under of 42 looks high to me. 

The same goes for the Minnesota Vikings vs Cleveland Browns in merry ole England. The Browns are starting teensy Dillon Gabrial, who is pausing his quest to return the Ring of Power to Mordor and cast it into the fires of Mount Doom to close the ever-watching Eye of Sauron for eternity to QB the team Sunday morn. The Vikings appear to still be going with Carson Wentz and considering the caliber of defenses these two teams field, the under 36 looks very good there too.

I feel the Bucs and whatever grudge Baker Mayfield can gin up in his head will push them past the Seattle Seahawks and Sam Darnold, the guy drafted two spots behind him in the 2018 NFL Draft. Lastly, the Lions will score as many points on a hapless Cincinnati Bengals team as they want. Frankly, the defense alone may be able to cover that -10.5. That game is going to be ugly enough to show up under my “Most Compatible” on Hinge. 

It’s the other lines we need to talk ourselves into, so let’s get to it. 

You can’t see a way that Wentz fumbles, bumbles and tosses the game away against a ridiculously tough Cleveland defense? Gabriel could win this one for all the Shire. 

The Philadelphia Eagles have been looking for a trap game all season and the Broncos could very well remove a toe or two in what would be a meaningless loss for the Birds. 

While I don’t particularly like the -9 spread for the Bills hosting the very annoying New England Patriots, getting a plus money vig on a Bills minus spread cannot be wasted. 

And, lastly, the Jaguars might finally be due. The Kansas City Chiefs are far from out of it, but it’s a night game and a long flight from KC. While the Chiefs have won both games the last time these two teams played, they’ve been within a single score each time, including a 27-20 KC win in the 2022-23 AFC Divisional Round. Two years ago, it was 17-9 Chiefs. The Jags might be due, and Liam Coen could get that signature win in Prime Time.

A $10 winning parlay bet on these spreads, moneylines and totals pays $34,827.85.

Follow Adam Greene on Blue Sky @AdamGreene13, threads @adam.greene and Twitter @TheFirstMan