CRAZY NFL PARLAY: WEEK 8
Summary
Adam Greene presents his weekly “Crazy NFL Parlay,” a high-risk, high-reward betting strategy designed to turn a small wager into a massive payout. This week’s selections are based on his analysis of game spreads and totals, combining several underdog moneyline picks with specific over/under predictions for various matchups.
The parlay includes bets like the Jets-Bengals game staying under 44.5 points, the 49ers beating the Texans, and underdogs like the Panthers and Giants winning. Greene justifies his choices by explaining his confidence in certain teams’ offensive or defensive performances and recent game trends. A successful $10 bet on this combination of eight outcomes would yield a payout of over $13,800.
By Adam Greene
You’ve waited all week for this and now it’s time. Where I take a look at the week’s spreads, lines and totals and Voltron it together to the perfect lottery ticket that turns the money you’d spend on a French Dip and Swiss Combo at the Arby’s Drive Thru into Yamaha YZF-R9 midlife crisis crotch rocket.
If this is your first Crazy NFL Parlay, here’s how it works. I peruse the odds to select for us the perfect storm of unlikely, but possible scenarios to pay us the highest possible bag of filthy lucre. This isn’t just blindly picking plus moneylines and hoping we hit. Forget that. This is science. They say anything can happen on any given Sunday, so let’s monetize that chaos.
How did we do last week? We got let down by most of our moneylines, but our totals ALL hit, which is a good sign. We are due, my friends. So, let’s collect this cash and begin construction of our own Scrooge McDuck-ian money bin. I already have my swim trunks picked out.
Here’s what I done picked out for us this week;
Jets at Bengals Under 44.5 (-110)
San Francisco 49ers +115
Bears at Ravens Over 49.5 (-110)
Carolina Panthers +303
New York Giants +274
Browns at Patriots Under 41 (-116)
Dallas Cowboys +155
Pittsburgh Steelers +145
If you’ve already read my Friday Afternoon Quarterback for Week 8, and you should, you’ll laugh and you’ll learn, then you know that these totals are all how I feel these games will go down. I don’t see any way the New York Jets do enough on offense to get anywhere past 44.5 and the Cincinnati Bengals will be more than happy to win this one 30-10. The Chicago Bears, on a four-game winning streak have shown they’re good for more than 24-ish points and Lamar Jackson’s return for the Baltimore Ravens spells a 30-spot from where I’m sitting.
While Drake Maye and the New England Patriots are on a solid roll, I’m confident the Cleveland Browns and their rookie QB Frodo Baggins, I mean Dillon Gabrial, will make sure we hit the under on this contest.
Also, I like the Cowboys to knock off the Denver Broncos on the road as Dallas can play offense for four quarters and the Broncos usually only show up for one. The idea that the 49ers are underdogs to the Houston Texans seems ridiculous to me. That’s just stealing money. Lastly, this might be the ivermectin talking, but I think Aaron Rodgers knocks off his old team just to smugly stand in a cloud of his own ayahuasca farts at the podium talking about visualization and shamanism in the postgame.
It’s the other games we need to talk ourselves into, so let’s get at it.
Before their bye, the Buffalo Bill had two horrible losses to the Patriots and the Atlanta Falcons. The Panthers beat the Falcons 30-0 a little more than a month ago.
Speaking of days gone by, two weeks ago the Giants beat these same Philadelphia Eagles 34-17. That’s a fortnight. And, yeah, that’s a real word that means a two week period. It’s not just a video game your kid uses to learn new slurs.
A $10 winning parlay on these moneylines and totals pays $13,812.21.
Follow Adam Greene on Blue Sky @AdamGreene13, threads @adam.greene and Twitter @TheFirstMan
