FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 16

Well, I haven’t taken my temperature or been to any doctor, but I’m solidly sick after the Los Angeles Rams lost the “Game of the Year” to the Seattle Seahawks, 38-37 in overtime. What people will be celebrating as an all-time classic, I will have to purge from my mind forever, as the Rams drop from the NFC’s top seed to the fifth seed, for at least a week, after the special teams unit and defense cost them the game. 

The offense? They were pretty fantastic. Puka Nacua hauled in 12 passes for 225 yards and two touchdowns, and Matthew Stafford should have solidified his Most Valuable Player case for good, going 29 of 49 for 457 yards, three touchdowns, and no interceptions. He should have been able to count his 51st career game-winning drive, too. It was just not to be. 

SATURDAY

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES AT WASHINGTON COMMANDERS (+7, O/U: 44.5)

Back when the schedule first came out, this looked like an elite match-up, especially this late in the season in front of a national audience. Now, well, at least we have the Philadelphia Real Housewives to watch a meltdown despite winning another one. Eagles 27, Commanders 17

GREEN BAY PACKERS AT CHICAGO BEARS (-1.5, O/U: 46.5)

Some of the luster is off this one, too, but that doesn’t make it any less compelling to see. Can the Bears, as favorites after this line moved from Packers -1.5 to Bears -1.5, get it done? Two weeks back, Chicago lost a heartbreaker in Green Bay by a touchdown, but that was a healthy Micah Parsons ago. Bears 23, Packers 20

SUNDAY

BUFFALO BILLS AT CLEVELAND BROWNS (+10.5, O/U: 41.5)

How much do I want to trust the Bills at this point? This is exactly the kind of stupid loss they’d put up after a couple of massive wins. Josh Allen, don’t let me down. Bills 27, Browns 16

NEW YORK JETS AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-5, O/U: 40)

All I can say about this one is, I’m sorry, Scott Hanson. If you did want to take a bathroom break while this game is on, we’d all understand. Saints 20, Jets 10

MINNESOTA VIKINGS AT NEW YORK GIANTS (+3, O/U: 43.5)

It’s interesting how many meaningless games you can stack up in a December weekend, but Vikings at Giants could be the most ignorable contest outside of your local pub’s cornhole tournament. But, hey, games like this are why gambling exists. Giants 20, Vikings 17

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS AT CAROLINA PANTHERS (+3, O/U: 45)

We have two of these matchups over the next three weeks to decide who gets to lose to the Rams, 49ers, or Seahawks in the first round of the Wild Card game. I’m going with Tampa this time. Buccaneers 24, Panthers 20

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS AT TENNESSEE TITANS (+3, O/U: 37.5)

I take back what I said about the Vikings and Giants game. I don’t think any of us want to watch Gardner Minshew dirt balls at Travis Kelce’s feet for three hours. That pub cornhole contest is looking pretty good right now. Titans 17, Chiefs 13

LOS ANGELES CHARGERS AT DALLAS COWBOYS (-2, O/U: 49.5)

After three straight wins and two massive victories over the Eagles and the Chiefs in consecutive weeks, ending KC’s season for good, the Chargers are due a road loss that will do nothing to their playoff positioning. Justin Herbert gutting out these games hurts me to watch. Kind of wish he’d sit this one out. Cowboys 27, Chargers 24

CINCINNATI BENGALS AT MIAMI DOLPHINS (+4, O/U: 47.5)

Here’s the thing. The Bengals have obviously taken a knee on the remainder of the season, but if you can’t beat a Quin Ewers quarterbacked Dolphins squad with a full-strength offense and healthy Joe Burrow, let’s just fold the franchise. Bengals 31, Dolphins 13

ATLANTA FALCONS AT ARIZONA CARDINALS (+2.5, O/U: 48)

The only thing that can make this week worse for the Rams is for Kirk Cousins to carve up the Cardinals’ defense (making Atlanta’s first-round draft pick, which LA owns, move lower) in what I’m sure will be an entertaining shootout only watched by people in their fantasy football playoffs. Falcons 31, Cardinals 28

JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS AT DENVER BRONCOS (-3, O/U: 47)

I’m flabbergasted to see this game with a 4:05 pm EST kickoff, as it could very well be an AFC title game preview. Meanwhile, the national broadcasters think everyone would rather watch Aaron Rodgers vs Jared Goff or the Raiders get shut out by the Houston Texans. I’ll be watching you, Jags and Broncos. I’ll still be sad from Thursday night, but I’ll be watching. Broncos 27, Jaguars 20

PITTSBURGH STEELERS AT DETROIT LIONS (-7, O/U: 52)

The last two times Aaron Rodgers faced off against the Dan Campbell Lions, he lost both of them. The Steelers could go ahead and secure their 22^nd straight winning season in Detroit, but I think it’s only fitting it comes next week in Cleveland. Lions 31, Steelers 20

LAS VEGAS RAIDERS AT HOUSTON TEXANS (-14, O/U: 38.5)

This is a 4:25 game, and while I’m sure most eyes will be on the Steelers at Lions, a significant swath of the country will be cursed with this one as the Raiders get blanked by the best defense in the NFL. Hey, remember how everyone was concerned about Tom Brady getting all this access as Fox’s No. 1 color analyst and helping out Las Vegas as part owner of the team? I think it’s gonna be ok, fellas. Texans 24, Raiders 0

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS AT BALTIMORE RAVENS (-3, O/U: 48)

Did the Ravens flip a switch last week in a shutout beatdown of the Bengals? I’d like to think so. The AFC Playoffs will be much more entertaining if they host the Bills in the Wild Card instead of Pittsburgh. No reason to keep Aaron Rodgers away from his imaginary ghost wife any longer than we have to. Ravens 24, Patriots 20

MONDAY

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS AT INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (+6, O/U: 46.5)

Here’s the crazy part of what happened Thursday night. While the 49ers are currently third in the NFC West, they have, in front of them, a clear path to not only a division title but the No. 1 seed in the NFC. All they have to do is win out. The man standing in front of them? A 44-year-old Philip Rivers. Godspeed, Phil. I hope you win this one not only for your 10 kids, but for me. I’m still not picking it to happen. 49ers 23, Colts 17

Last Week

Straight up: 10-6

Against the spread: 8-8

Season

Straight up: 148-73-1

Against the spread: 109-113

Survivor Pool Picks: Broncos (Week 1), Ravens (Week 2), Bucs (Week 3), Bills (Week 4), Rams (Week 5) X, Colts (Week 6), Patriots (Week 7), Chiefs (Week 8), Chargers (Week 9), Lions (Week 10), 49ers (Week 11), Packers (Week 12), Seahawks (Week 13), Browns (Week 14), Texans (Week 15), Bears (Week 16)

Follow Adam Greene on Blue Sky @AdamGreene13, threads @adam.greene and Twitter @TheFirstMan