FRIDAY AFTERNOON QUARTERBACK: NFL WEEK 8

By Adam Greene

Our weeks of enjoying a solid piece of NFL entertainment on Thursday night came to an abrupt end as the Los Angeles Chargers razed the Minnesota Vikings, 37-10, on Amazon Prime’s Thursday Night Football. 

Carson Wentz played so bad head coach Kevin O’Connell replaced him with Max Bosmer, who I had to make sure wasn’t that actor who was on White Collar. Justin Herbert closed out a rough October with a solid performance, going 18 of 25 for 227 yards, three touchdowns and a pick. Kimani Vidal rushed for 117 yards and a score on everyone’s fantasy football bench or waiver wire.

What are the Vikings going to do now? Well, suck. That’s what. JJ McCarthy was dressed but never sniffed the field. My guess is he’ll play next week and probably be just as bad before he hurt his ankle, if it was a real injury and not a “soft benching” as has been suggested. I would not rule out a return of Kirk Cousins to Minnesota this season, frankly.  

Byes: Detroit Lions, Las Vegas Raiders, Los Angeles Rams, Arizona Cardinals, Seattle Seahawks, Jacksonville, Jaguars 

SUNDAY

NEW YORK JETS AT CINCINNATI BENGALS (-6.5, O/U: 44.5)

The Jets are, without question, the worst coached team I’ve seen in my life. The owner, Woody Johnson just tossed his quarterback, Justin Fields, under the bus, then slid into reverse and backed over him again before hitting the toilet release valve and dumping raw sewage on him. And while Johnson has every right to criticize a QB who threw for -10 yards in a game, I want to point out that Fields is the guy that Aaron Glenn, the worst head coach in the league, hand picked to lead the franchise after telling Aaron Rodgers, to his face after making him fly in from whatever Shaman Hut he’d been living in, that he was no longer wanted with the team and he could go huff his ivermectin somewhere else. Did Cincinnati save its season by signing Joe Flacco? Possibly, but even saying that out loud gives New York a puncher’s chance in this game. Still, I’m probably not picking the Jets to win a game this year. Bengals 24, Jets 10

SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS AT HOUSTON TEXANS (-1, O/U: 42)

The desiccated remains of the 49ers have played out of their minds this season and, a week after losing their OTHER best defensive player, Fred Warner, got their second-best offensive player back, George Kittle and used him well-enough to knock off a Falcons team that plays football like a cold sore. You never know when they’re going to show up. If Houston has any chance to salvage its season and get into the Wild Card race, it has to stack some wins together. It’s not happening this week. 49ers 23, Texans 20

CHICAGO BEARS AT BALTIMORE RAVENS (-6.5, O/U: 49)

The Bears have won four in a row and you kind have to count at least two of them. The Dallas Cowboys are at least a challenge on offense and I’m not ready to toss the Washington Commanders in the trash heap just yet. Still, this is a bad draw with the return of Lamar Jackson with Baltimore. The Ravens simply have to win it. I’m sure they will. Ravens 34, Bears 23

MIAMI DOLPHINS AT ATLANTA FALCONS (-7.5, O/U: 44.5)

While the Falcons might be the NFL equivalent of psoriasis, flaring up right when you think they’re done for, the Dolphins have not had that issue. They’ve barely played any football of note at all this season. Mike McDaniel is walking The Green Mile and this is likely the game that gets him strapped into the chair. Miami doesn’t just need to clean house. They need to demolish the house and bring in a whole new contractor. Falcons 23, Dolphins 16

BUFFALO BILLS AT CAROLINA PANTHERS (+7, O/U: 46.5)

There might not be a more despondent 2-loss team in the league than the Bills. They dropped two very bad losses in a row before their bye, including one to the herpes simplex Falcons. The Panthers, on the other hand, are just happy to be here at 4-3 and being discussed as a real NFL franchise for the first time since Cam Newton wore a sombrero on their sidelines. With Andy Dalton likely getting the start for an injured Bryce Young, I’m not expecting much. But, hey, everyone in Carolina, so far, looks like they’re keeping their job. Bills 41, Panthers 20

NEW YORK GIANTS AT PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (-7.5, O/U: 44)

It’s the fortnight rematch that made everyone on the planet fall in love with Jaxson Dart and Cam Skattebo as they rammed their Jackass shopping cart through Philadelphia on a Thursday night game in front of whatever audience has free delivery with Amazon. The rematch will be in Philly at a regularly scheduled Sunday. I don’t trust the Eagles as they appeared to figure out their passing offense against the Rams in Week three, only to forget how footballs work right after. Much like the duvet your wife ordered from Temu, that spread is too big. Eagles 24, Giants 20

CLEVELAND BROWNS AT NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (-7, O/U: 41)

There is no excuse for this Patriots 2025 schedule. None. All deals with the devil were supposed to be finalized and null and void after Tom Brady left the team in 2019. I was assured of this. Patriots 27, Browns 13

TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (+3.5, O/U: 47)

A week after getting absolutely humiliated by the Lions, the Bucs get to take it out on the Saints. And this -3.5 points looks like a gift to me. Buccaneers 34, Saints 17

TENNESSEE TITANS AT INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (-14.5, O/U: 48)

I just want to thank Titans quarterback Cam Ward for teaching me a new piece of slang I will never use in my life, “keep it buck.” Ward brought it to my attention when he said, weeks ago at a postgame press conference, “To keep it buck, we ass.” Now, with context clues I figured out the meaning but the internet machine confirmed it means “to keep it real or be honest,” which seems like a fine choice of words. I don’t know why we needed a new one, “buck,” but no one confers with me on these things before they’re implemented. I was still dealing with “cap,” ‘skibidi“ and “delulu.” But I can say this to keep it buck, the Titans would be delulu if they think they can finish this game within two touchdowns of the skibidi Colts. No cap. Colts 34, Titans 13

DALLAS COWBOYS AT DENVER BRONCOS (-3.5, O/U: 51)

Here’s the upset of the season; Brian Schottenheimer might be a decent head coach. I’m still flabbergasted because maybe no offensive coordinator in NFL history had been hired and fired as many times as Bri-Bri before getting offered the Captain’s chair of the NFL’s marquee franchise. Not only is he not bad, he’s the reason, along with Dak Prescott playing at an MVP level, that the Cowboys are even watchable right now. They’re probably not making the playoffs, but they’re showing up every week and can score 40 on anybody. Which is probably bad news for a Denver team that only wants to play offense in the fourth quarter. Cowboys 27, Broncos 23

GREEN BAY PACKERS AT PITTSBURGH STEELERS (+3, O/U: 46)

It’s the Aaron Rodgers bowl, and no, I’m not talking about a container of ayahuasca, but instead it’s the two good teams that A-Rodge has played for in his career. If Captain Hydroxychloroquine can beat the Pack, he will have defeated all 32 NFL teams, joining Tom Brady, Drew Brees, Brett Favre and Peyton Manning on that rarified list. And he won’t even need a darkness retreat to get it done. Just someone to actually block Micah Parsons. I might regret this, but I’m going with Ole Greybeard Worm Meds in this one. Steelers 23, Packers 20

MONDAY NIGHT

WASHINGTON COMMANDERS AT KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (-12.5, O/U: 48)

Sorry Troy and Joe, Jayden Daniels is out again and the Commanders are looking more and more like a team that’ll be booking trips to Cabo come January. As for Kansas City, to no one’s surprise, but everyone’s chagrin, they appear to be back completely. Get ready to see lots of Taylor Swift because the folks at ABC/ESPN are going to do whatever they can to make this one interesting. Chiefs 34, Commanders 16

Last Week

Straight up: 11-3

Against the spread: 9-5

Season

Straight up: 70-35-1

Against the spread: 50-56

Survivor Pool Picks: Broncos (Week 1), Ravens (Week 2), Bucs (Week 3), Bills (Week 4), Rams (Week 5) X, Colts (Week 6), Patriots (Week 7), Chiefs (Week 8), 

Follow Adam Greene on Blue Sky @AdamGreene13, threads @adam.greene and Twitter @TheFirstMan